Narcolepsy* hard and heavy watch me fall asleep
            Lulled to bed in a cunning thread of the tangled web we weave
    I dream in pristine colors, windows of my mind anew
No fingerprints or ***** looks or evidence of you

         I find comfort in forever wherever it may be
        I may have left my home but it will always stay with me
                 The smell of all the smoke with the sound of all the rain
   On constant playback every second deep within my brain

        I found that time is all that matters and everything else faded
        I spent years and years learning how to forget everything I hated
    I've only gotten older and have nothing left to show
              Except a ringing alarm clock and blood on my pillow

     Narcolepsy** hard and heavy watch me as I sleep
     Another pill, another high, another date to keep
      If I shall die before I wake, I hope that I'm with you
    Then it won't matter where I go, cause you will see me through

there was something tangible in the air
finally she could feel it after waiting for so long
it is unclear what it was, but it felt real to her

looking into the endless space,
he realized what he was looking for
not the stars, not the ocean, not the trees
no words or thoughts could describe this

feeling every possible sensation,
there was nothing between them
not love, not beauty, not lust
he was alive
and she knew

When I first saw her, she was like an enemy infront of my eyes,
As I kept growing in her presence and understanding her,she became my obsession,
For I grew old in love and young in hatred,
For she became my source of life,
Like the freshness of the ocean she purely remained in my thoughts,
For I without her I am purely dehydrated,
For at night she becomes my own vission and at daylight she becomes my ambition,
For she became my need of life and love,
For she is truely my determination of love..

I release you, my beautiful and terrible
fear. I release you. You were my beloved
and hated twin, but now, I don't know you
as myself. I release you with all the
pain I would know at the death of
my children.

You are not my blood anymore.

I give you back to the soldiers
who burned down my home, beheaded my children,
***** and sodomized my brothers and sisters.
I give you back to those who stole the
food from our plates when we were starving.

I release you, fear, because you hold
these scenes in front of me and I was born
with eyes that can never close.

I release you
I release you
I release you
I release you

I am not afraid to be angry.
I am not afraid to rejoice.
I am not afraid to be black.
I am not afraid to be white.
I am not afraid to be hungry.
I am not afraid to be full.
I am not afraid to be hated.
I am not afraid to be loved.

to be loved, to be loved, fear.

Oh, you have choked me, but I gave you the leash.
You have gutted me but I gave you the knife.
You have devoured me, but I laid myself across the fire.

I take myself back, fear.
You are not my shadow any longer.
I won't hold you in my hands.
You can't live in my eyes, my ears, my voice
my belly, or in my heart my heart
my heart my heart

But come here, fear
I am alive and you are so afraid of dying.

I was wrapped around your finger,
But now these feelings just linger.

There's something surely burning
When I get the yearning
To be better than I am.

There's a flicker of contrition
That spreads from my ambition
To be better than I am.

My temperature increases,
My spirit gets heat blisters;
I will concoct a balm.

I'll fan the flames with sorrow,
Add the worries of tomorrow,
To burn away the waste.

When purged
I'll have the embers,
To ensure that I remember
What first ignited me
To be better than I am.

This might not be
what you want to hear.
But in your absence,
I flourish.
      I thought I would wither
like a languid lily
but instead, I have
perked myself up
       and glow,
without even
trying
like so many
    hydrangeas in the garden
Luscious, unfurling
Waxy in their freshness

So, my dear,
I will let you
flow out
      into your new sphere
as I
happily
flow into mine.
       Yes, a new adventure
that redefines

I have wanted you
for so **** long
and now ....

Well, just look!
Those light fractals
forming prisms of rainbows?
That is the health of me
and my soul
        My soul rising up above stars
finding me, again
So thank you..
This release is without anger, only love
        Will always love you
but letting you go
has been
        beautiful

i am finding my life
in small stitches
lately

mending the hem
on a pillowcase

darning the hole
in a sock

patching a hole
in well-worn sheets

i am finding my life
in small stitches
lately

until i have the energy
to make larger seams

Finding my Heaven
a letter to my grandpa

I remember you when mom died grandpa.
I was so small and frightened.
You took me to your home.
I remember your unshaven face and
brown hard working hands Grandpa.
you fixed everything with your hands.
But you fixed me with your love.

you gave me mom's old room.
You told me it was her safe place
and she would visit me there.
When she was settled in heaven.

I told you I did not
believe in heaven Grandpa.
You said it's alright I will one day.
Heaven was a different
place for everyone.

When I got hurt
you always picked me up
in your huge arms Grandpa.
it was always so safe.

I never told you Grandpa
I lied when I said
I don't believe in heaven.
You and grandma were my heaven.

I know you have gone
now to your heaven.
Sat in a kitchen up there
eating food from the old country.
Grandma at the stove
mom on your knee listening
to stories of Europe
before the war.

My heaven was
with you all grandpa.
I think I will
change my heaven
to yours after all.
That's all I want Grandpa
just our heaven.

I only wish
there was a post office
in our heaven
and I could send
this letter to you.

All My Love Grandpa

Jude

My confession
I'm a wretch
A miserable
Broken soul
Stained black in sin
I am shattered

But I am reborn
Scarred, yes
But reborn
Cleansed in fire
Washed
Clean
Pure crimson

I will dive
Deeper
Swallowed whole by the sea
The purifying surf
I will never surface
Yet I will never drown

I The Wicked Son
Drenched in Saving Scarlet

My love
Is a poem translated  
Meaningless

Between the lines
It germinated
And bloomed
And floundered
In the memory of
The fallen flower


Wounded seriously
Fighting
With the insects
Buried themselves
Between the petals
My poem
Now
Is a morsel of
Crumbled words

Translated by the unknowns
With the pen
Filled with poison
This fallen poem itself
Is my love.