have you ever sat and thought about how everything is nothing
and how nothing is really everything
how nothing matters, really, and nothing you say to someone is really
exactly perfect for that moment
because later on, you're just going to go back and think
"saying this would have been better"
and relationships, love, hate
that's not anything either
because it all ends and who is there to read the story afterward
and if there was a story, who would stand to read the heartbreak?
thinking about thinking
thinking about thoughts
about how everything is actually tiny little cells
sparking their tiny existence as if to get something else's attention
but they are too tiny to notice
we can't see the trees for the forest
and really, i wish all that i was was just the tiny invisible cells
so i could drift through matter without being noticed
just drifting along sidewalks and across streets
drifting through existence without a glance from a human
because then i would not feel so acutely conscious
of the stares of others at my broken, huddled, hurting heart
and the hearts around campus that i love
hurting too, because my love could not stand theirs.
it hurts so much, parted without knowing why
and simultaneously knowing it was for the best.
why must anyone have to leave someone they love
just because rationally they know that's not the one for them?
rationalization trumps emotion if you want to continue living
because we all know emotions ****
so we give in to what we know we have to do:
break ourselves, break the other person
and live broken and apart and bleeding all over the concrete ground
wishing for invisibility and refuge.