The last time that I saw your face
I was in a broken state
& as I drove off
I felt the knot tighten around this noose

Just moments ago in your embrace
I finally understood the way
That you no longer saw in me
the girl that you once knew

They say that eventually time heals all wounds
& that even when your inerts are battered & bruised
One day you will feel as if you are whole again

If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I believe that’s the truth
& even if it is I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to
Accept this as another it is what it is

Maybe that’s why I still look for you
In the faces of every **** passerby
Wondering why
They’re not you

& every single time
I catch a glimpse of an eye
Out of the corner of mine
I pray to God it’s not you

‘Cause I know that I need to move on with my life
Cut the rope loose & take it in strife
With every fiber of my being I must summon my power of will

It kills me to let go & yet it’s killing me to hold on
Stuck in this endless loop, a twisted conundrum

‘Cause I don’t want to
But I don’t want to want you
Still

What do you see in me?
Every time you like a picture of me?

Is it just another pretty face you wanna put to your waist when you PM or do you seek eternity?

I'm told that everyday,
It's always just about my pretty face.

I get it three sixty-five,
I swear I can read minds
I hear it all the time
You think this is news to me?

You're speaking a lot of spirituality
Talking a lot, like you figured everything out about me.
Why don't you finish this conversation real late then without me?

I don't owe no one an apology.
If responding is an obligation consider this revelation
another blank page in your outdated patriarchy.

Do you actually believe in me?
I need more than a compliment,
I starve empathy

Are you a real human being ready for my beat
Or fiend ready to devour me?

I'm not afraid of men who can eat.
I'm afraid of a man I attract with no means.
I'm scared of someone who leaves when the table is set and doesn't eat anything.

I need somebody that isn't afraid of me.
A real head holder,
I don't want anymore fake supporters by likes and boasters.

I need completion and that's my biggest complexity.

Will you always pay attention to me?
Even when I say repeatedly, "I think I'm ugly?"

I have all these anxieties that build walls to society
I need love one second but the next second I can hate everybody

Do you still like me?
Are you willing to take a step with this girl in the darkness under electricity?

I need more than love I need all of your energy.

No more smiles with no teeth.
No one liners that are bold and weak.

If you want me,
fight for me
but this war could be over before the blitzkrieg.

This is just me.
My heart has a lock connected to a short chain
and opens to one key
I don't make copies!

There's one way in
and one way out.

Tell me what you see now...

I smell the energy rising from you,
drifting swirls of vapour hitting me as
your heat embodies itself in the air's
molecules. I smell the importance of
you, significant to everyone except
me. You're a drug, coursing through their veins and
giving their brains exactly what they have
been craving, yet I am resistant to
your eniticing ways. The promise of that
electric focus as my heart picks up
the pace to follow everyone elses...
it doesn't appeal to me anymore.
I lost my hunger for you a long time
ago, when you started to wear me down,
and now the only drug I will ever
crave again is him.

I hear a dinosaur knocking at my door
I think he always wants a little more

Aging adolescent, can you hear my cries
feeling the love that for years I've despised,
seeking happiness now finally it's here
ah, but how to mend a shattered heart that's no longer there

she's perfect, she's warm, funny, caring
seeing the good at the darkness she's staring
her eyes sparkle, a beauty that can't be sold
but still inside I hide, rotten, worthless and cold  

I've ascended my throne of isolation and barbed wire
for she took my hand and led me higher
blinded by the world above I gagged, I choked
an exfoliation of pure adoration, the amber hues of hope,

our passion burned deep as the crimson sands of Mars
she grabbed my dying self and raised me to the stars,
but now it kills me whenever I'm not around her
for upon that night I've simply never been happier

the past may be full of stagnant memories and regret
but hopefully I'll forge new ones that for the right reasons I won't forget
gazing upon life and for once I've found I care -
this world is an amazing one, if you have someone with you to share.

"Use your words" you tell me, in an age where words are like cockroaches, invincible against time and indestructible once uttered.

What if I told you, when I look at your face I don't see words. The letters and syllables that love to flow out of me and fill every empty silence suddenly don't fit right in the space between us. You and words are like oil and water, not meant to share the same bowl and only used by those too impatient to wait to let their *** boil.

That's the thing with words and oil, once spilled you never really seem to clean every trace left behind. A greasy film coats the surface no matter how much water intends to purify it.  

But I can wait.

I know there is no rushing the tide while you wait on the shore the same way painting you with oily words won't hasten our journey. The heat of silence fits you so comfortably that I can't help but reach towards the fire when you say to me,

"use your words."

Cause the past is an armor you cannot take off no matter how many times they tell you the war is over

Our moment passed with the season.
With fall, came the cold distance
We feared would engulf
The ideas we had built together.

You were my life post nuclear.
That tongue bite smile that you
Only ever shared when
The sun came up is a distant memory.

After my recent brush with death
In the form of a tall blonde
Who instantly made me regret
Building a home in another,

I thought the ground work
We laid would have been solid
Enough to weather any storm
Life could throw at us.

But you can never prepare for the storm
That bellows in your soul.
Because when that one finally starts
It doesn't matter the ground work
If the walls aren't sturdy enough.

I loved you as I had only ever loved her.
More so in fact because
When I was with you
I smiled.

More importantly I meant it.

And should the day come where
You feel as though the walls
Can be reinforced against the future.
You know where to find me.