I have unfortunately been broken,
Though I am certain that
has been an over played card;
It still happened.
Over and over again.
Love became a myth.
Family became war.
Friends broke my heart,
and even though the fire
in my heart almost went out:
That was two years ago,
when I was only an after image
of life experience that belonged
to everyone but me.
So I decided to live.
Maybe not the right way at first.
Maybe the fear and loathing in my own heart
led me away from everything that ever mattered
so that I could remember why they mattered
in the first place.
I remember walking across
the bridge with my best friend.
Sending cryptic messages
that change was coming.
I don't think he understood what I meant
that cool evening.
I started my journey into myself alone.
Many times down the path I thought I wouldn't make it.
But at the end of everything, I have come to understand
Myself and my existence. I even made friends.
Though the journey is far from over,
The miles ahead will be on new soles.
Maybe even a new soul.
Because it's only after you lose everything
that you begin to appreciate what is given.
This is progress.
I watched the particles
Of dust fall gently across
The open expanse of window like stars.
Falling into place as though
They were hand picked
For my eyes.
Remnants of epithelial cells
And late night epiphanies
Cascade through the air
As a reminder that the world
Is in movement.
Mine is not a new revelation,
But a subtle reminder
That everything will eventually
Fall into place and the
Very frustrating puzzle of life
Will become clear.
No suffering lasts forever.
No chaos is permanent.
When you are both creator
And the hand crafted creation,
Stopping to find divine intervention
In accumulated floating specks
Isn't so bad.
Maybe the world isn't so bad.
The thrill of free fall
Into the cavernous expanse
Of inner thoughts
Could only be met by
The shock of rock bottom.
Tonight was a farewell.
And it breaks my heart
To feel this way,
But you proved to me
That our bond was broken.
Maybe one day we will
Talk about it and laugh.
But I really don't think so.
"Why are you like this?"
I remember the exact moment
I cut our fate string and stepped
Off the path.
I remember the talk on the bridge,
Feet from where our future
Almost ended and lied to you.
I wanted to take on all the hatred
I could. I wanted the world to hate
Us the way I did
As a form of punishment.
Because what had we ever done
With my life to deserve any of them.
I put out the light all on my own.
We have no one to blame but ourselves
For this non-existence.
"If you could go back, would you do it again?"
If time travel were possible,
I would go back and push you
Off that bridge just so that I never hurt
The people who make all of this suffering
"If all this suffering was worthwhile, then why push everyone who has ever loved you past arms length? Why the hell would you choose this type of suffering over the love that could have been? What kind of person does that?"
Sometimes you have to become a villain. The light we carried was almost out
And I acted in what I thoughts our best interest.
Had I known that at the end of the day
It would be just us watching the ruins
Of our world smolder in the wake
Of my mistakes,
I would have chose differently.
I have been playing with
The concept of morality
In my head for a while;
The guidelines in which we base
All of our actions can be properly
Placed into one of two categories.
Good and Evil.
Is the course of action ahead
For the betterment of myself
Or my society?
How does one even begin to understand
The ramifications of their decisions
And their affect on human history.
What if enlightenment is only
Another word for loneliness?
What if becoming one with your
True self is really just isolation
To an idea that we can transcend
Into something better but:
Let me remind you that evil did not exist before we did.
Even in light of current events,
We know that within each of us
Is a light that is never extinguished.
I know the times ahead may seem tough.
For my generation specifically
Because we are only now finding
Which paths to take.
We may have created evil,
But we don't have to nurture it.
We can become the balance
And remind each other that isolation
Isn't an answer.
Especially in our own selves.
I hope you take this to heart.
Hopefully this spark isn't so easily extinguished.