Every day I had to dig through
deeply rooted malignancies
and clusters of phosphorescent spider eggs and webs full of
dead flies draped throughout a
long-abandoned domain
once inhabited
                    by my mind.

the roots pushed and
twisted their way through
thick walls of the
foundations and membranes
of spirit, mind and body
where I didn't even know
how to feel, all I knew is
that I had crossed unseen
         no trespassing signs.

in life among the living
I lived as though I were dead.
in the midst of vast human knowledge I held
        vast emptiness instead.

this lack of substance was
all that was left in my mind.
I found myself trying to buy
back more of what I
had to
          leave behind.

my mind and spirit were in lockdown. in this death I
began to die. when I was
high I felt let down.
     in the truth I saw a lie.

the dawn of each new day
filled the sky with hues of a
darker light. since all of
the windows were barred
       and boarded-up

the only way I could see
glimpses of a brighter
light or others living life
were through any thin
little cracks I could find.

like an addict trying to
avoid their addiction,
each new day and every
waking hour I would find
myself learning what I was
        losing my mind
        trying to forget.

I was so sick and tired of
     d . . . always going down.
          o
        w
           n.

truth only strengthened
         this neurotic depression.

but in the throes of pain and breakdown I found hope in
a New Day. when I was lost
in the cycles of confusion
I at least found pieces of
peace and pieces of mind
        along the way.

when I die with the sun in
the midst of the evening
I now find enough faith
   to believe I will
            rise with it again.

when I seem to have lost
all of my chances, I clutch desperately to any strand
     of a chance to begin.

saving what's left of my mind.
buying what used to be mine.

Take my life and let it be,
A vessel pure, Lord, use me.
Each moment, in Your grace, I'll stand,
Guided gently by Your hand.

Take my hands and let them move,
At the impulse of Your love.
In service, humble and sincere,
Spread Your light both far and near.

Take my voice and let me sing,
Praises to my Heavenly King.
Every word and every note,
A testament of faith, devote.

Take my mind and let it think,
On Your wisdom, let me drink.
In Your truth, my thoughts align,
To seek Your will, and make it mine.

Take my heart, it is Your own,
Make it pure, Your loving throne.
From doubts and fears, let it be free,
In Your presence, peacefully.

Take my soul and let it soar,
In Your spirit, evermore.
Through joy and sorrow, day and night,
I'll walk by faith, and not by sight.

Take my life and let it be,
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
In Your service, let me grow,
And Your boundless love to show.

We both agree that we want to keep it pure
as it used to be -- not a makeover or nostalgic
stroll, but unencumbered from what has been.
Uninhibited --
seeing our true faces anew.

When we seem to hurt each other we agree
that we only want to lift the heaviness that
weighs us down –
carefully shaping words to cut the strings

that drag the weight through the generations
so we can learn from past mistakes and not let
mutations mutate our love.
                                                           ­ 
Peace be still my love.
My peace is not here
as yet, but you have it within your reach.
Drop the weight
and grasp the lightness!

Maybe mine will come sooner if you stop
mourning my darkness and follow your own
light that has always been there--
sometimes hidden
behind the horizon--
but it has always been there.

Let it glow as it used to --
not human-formed
or reflected beams but uninhibited from what
has been. Not obscured, but seeing us anew.
          
Please see that I can see that you
have the power to be set free.
Then maybe my peace will arise within me sooner.
Then maybe my spirit and mind will heal sooner.