it presses my shoulder blades,
ties my neck muscles into knots,
then settles deep within my chest.
the pain is the first sign
that my body is haunted.
it then puts my thoughts
on a hamster wheel.
they run in circles
without an escape.
this is the second sign.
but my heart takes control.
it voices my thoughts
so they can be seen and heard.
it stops spinning the wheel,
slowly comes out of my chest,
unties the knots in my neck
and lets go of my shoulder blades,
and my body does not feel its weight.

my soul is a chamber
in which a candle sits.
a strong flame burned,
which kept me alive.

however, week after week,
the water filled the chamber,
putting the flame out,
leaving me cold and lifeless.

the water would dry,
and the chamber was empty,
except for a single ember
that glowed in the dark.

I lit matches every day
until I saw a spark.
now it fiercely blazes,
stronger than it's ever been.

I walk along a trapeze,
palms sweaty, legs shaking,
refusing to fall either way.
to go left is to fall into a fire
for a life which burns my bones.
the people will smile upon me,
oblivious to the ash surrounding them.
to go right is to fall into soft trees.
the leaves caress my skin,
but the people vanish like smoke,
and I fall to the ground.
the exact middle is survival
until I reach the other side.

as I'm living in my peaceful world,
an unfamiliar person enters.
he looks small from where I am.
"it looks like he's glaring at me."
"he seems like a bad person."
"I'm way better than him."
the thoughts hit the ground
as solid, heavy bricks,
and my heart pounds in response.
more bricks form a disjointed wall.
I step on the bricks as I climb.
I peek at him over the top
as he approaches the wall.
I notice his soft, kind eyes,
and his soul warms me up.
I slowly descend the wall. 
the bricks start to fall,
landing right behind us.
my heart stops pounding,
and it gently whispers,
"those bricks never fit together."
I give him a tender hug,
and I let him into my heart.