It is always a different number-
one that I don’t have
I dream of you often
as I would dream of the dead

It is so confusing
how I want to tell you
but I don’t want you to know

I want to leave you
Move on with my life
We both know I’ve created a better one

I feel so miserable
Nothing is going to change
I feel so caught up in
all my rage
… grow up

I feel like I deserve
to die and if not
I deserve to hurt
I feel so overwhelmed
I need something
to cover my head
…. grow up

I feel empty inside
and yet so full
I could explode
What I feel right now
is all I will ever know
… grow up
Grow up
Grow up
Grow up
GROW UP
GROW UP
GROW UP
GROW UP

It is strange to think
that I will never again
smoke a cigarette
for as long as you
and I live

Does the universe
expand?
Or do we just
push it to its
limitlessness?

Already I feel
so unworthy of you
You are an angel
but I am no god

Maybe I will be better-
benevolent and unenvious
I would be anything
for you

It’s strange to think
that I could produce good
into a world
that has brought me to my knees
I now cradle you in my heart
and fall asleep

I let you escape
out of my grasp
to perpetuate
your task

I let you escape
No fluid left
Too much time
has passed

I let you escape
I couldn’t believe
Oh, you were so sick
and pretty

I let you escape
out of my grasp
I didn’t know I deserved
to say no

I don’t want to deal with heartache anymore;
don’t want to feel you in my pores
I want out of here
I know you are the only way
So, can you stay, just for tonight?
Can we pray for some light?
And if we stay here all our lives,
can we pray that it is right?
I just want to feel good
and to make it feel good for you
If you think I should,
I will kneel before you
ON THE CROSS
Oh, my hands are bleeding
You never said! You never bled!
I don’t see why I am being punished anymore
I have praised all my demons with justification
Though, I still need a way to find
instant gratification
So, can you forget just for tonight?
Can we pray since we can’t fight?
And if I say that I will be all right,
can we pray that the end is in sight?
I just want to feel you
and in one touch find the truth
If I pull through
I will kneel before you
IN THESE CHAINS
Oh, the dirt, it infects my blood
You never rested! I’ve been molested! Oh, my friend!
If you were resurrected
I may slay you again
This ******* holy water tortures me
Hey, I found a bible; it was burning
You left me soulless and yearning to believe
****, at this point, I would believe anything
So, can I pray if just out of fear?
Can anyone say if the end is near?
Can I battle off all my fears?
Will this be my last year?
And will I ever be born again?
Can my body ever be cleansed?
Lead me to a mirror to make amends
SHATTERED GLASS pierces all my friends
I was never told this would be easy
I was never told I had a ******* choice
No one ever told me it was okay to speak
I was never told to have a voice
So, I don’t
Also, *******.

Is it the smoke
or is it my breath?
Either one-
the call of death

I think of my mind
as a gold mine
But how do I tell
such an awful story?