but its not acceptable to cry
because my reasons
aren't good enough
so my struggle isn't real
but its my struggle
so how can you know how i feel

As I sink into the abyss
Left by your absence
I think of you
The way you loved me
And the way you stopped so abruptly
Like a ship
Hitting the bottom of the ocean
Its final resting place
So is this mine
Alone and cold
Trapped in a dark corner
Like a forgotten child’s toy

I thought I hit the bottom when you first left
When I cried for hours
For days
Sobbing to fill the empty space you left
Like the ocean growing between us
But what if I’m just stuck in that ocean
For I have not moved on
But I have not moved back either
What if I’m just floating in the in between
In limbo between loving you
And getting over you
Something I don’t aspire to ever achieve
Because a world where I know longer love you
Is not a place I desire to live
So what do I do now
Here in this ocean void of you
How do I move on
Because I don’t want to
And I’m starting to forget how to swim

Glass shattered in the background
As I finally saw what others saw
You were veiled
In my lingering love for you
But just then it faltered
I saw you
The you that you show the world
The facade
Inside you hide what's real
I feel bad for those who
Will never know the real you
The one that I knew
Because the you that you show
*****

Passion leaked from our pores
As we loved every inch of each other
Embrace after embrace
Trying to trace new lines on our bodies
Rubbing away the scars left by past lovers
Hoping against hope
That this time will be different
Wanting to make this time last
Make this love the last
So you pressed new dreams against my lips
While I entwined our future in our bodies
Promises of a life
Left unfulfilled
Empty

I'm coasting
No brakes
Just shear momentum
The force of the everyday

Creating a new image
So that no one can see what I feel
Trying to cover the pain
I've carved into my very own skin
It’s my fault
I always find a way to take the blame
Causing harm to my self
To find a reason to cry
Because feeling like it
Isn't good enough
Not wanting to leave your room isn't acceptable
So you hide behind books
And smiles that mean nothing
Fooling everyone around you
Tricking yourself for just a second
But in the dark
In that corner on your bed
Or under that scalding shower head
You can’t escape
You can’t evade your mind forever
So you turn to pain
A physical release to make you feel sane
In places only you can see
And when you’re numb again
You cut again
Deeper each time
Until it’s enough
Until you’re suffocating no longer in your sorrow
But drowning
In a crimson flood from your body
The waves take you

You sir
with the storm gray eyes
and suitcases at your knees
take me with you

wherever you’re going
It’s where I want to be
let me tag along on your journey
write me into your story

let me escape with you
I have baggage of my own
we’ll travel and live
away from here

That’s where I want to be
We can heal
Make a place
for us alone

I will never love you like I loved him
So don’t treat me like I am yours  
For you will never claim me

Don’t hold my hand
Or touch my leg
Don’t kiss my forehead
And tell me I am pretty

You will never compare to him

I can’t lead you
To believe that this is
Anything

You are not him
So please
Stop

Because it pains me to be touched
By someone
Who isn't
Him