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I can smell him on my sheets
      I can taste him in my dreams
             I can still feel every inch where he's touched me
I hear his laughter echoing in the walls
             I can still see him in all these pictures I saved for
           memories

But this bed is bare
My dream's a nightmare
       I can't hear
             His laughter
       He's not near
             Enough to touch
My eyes are blinded by tears
He's killed my senses,  
      I'm no longer aware

Everything around me,  slowly fading away
His face, his scent, his laughter,  his touch
Maybe I'll just pop a few pills and sleep away the day
At least he's in my nightmares, the pain of reality is too much
He's gone...  He's in her arms now... I'm dying and crying and it's all just too much..
To be what they want
Is to win a battle
To be who you are
Is to win a war
 Sep 2014 cierra fielding
rook
i remember staring at the sky
the streets were dark but the lights were orange and lying on the paved road, i listened
to the sound that the forest behind us made

when i miss you, i stand by the glass doors and look out
the darkness sounds like your heartbeat and i
shiver as i hear your voice in the unrecognizable stars

as i try to fall asleep i feel the secrecy of the moments when
you insisted i call you at 3 am
even when i was in florida
and the only other sound in the world was the wheezing of a truck

when i miss you, i think about the first night we talked
and how your voice hadn't changed
and how my feelings hadn't either
and how i was falling asleep in class the next day because we talked until dawn

three am was the time where i
had been awake long enough
to stop worrying about what you might think of me if you saw my insides
so i told you that i count in fives and i don't get vertigo and that i lied in the late summer

when i miss you, i sit on the floor and hug my knees to my chest and cry
i try to breathe between the empty spaces where your thoughts were
and i try not to think about the last words you said to me

instead i think about the way my sternum ached when you said
that i was your home
i think about the way you waited an hour in the july heat for me
the way you stuck your tongue out
and said i was exactly the same cute that the piemaker was

i remember waiting in the darkness when the streetlight flickered out
and the way your voice sounded when you said to close my eyes
and the hammering of my heart against my rib cage and the fear still bottled in my throat
and trying not to be afraid when i couldn't see you
and the soft pressing of chapped lips against mine
and the startled expression i must have had
as i grabbed your hand
and we walked out of the forest in silence.
 Jun 2014 cierra fielding
Nickols
You are the only one who my madness doesn't touch,
and the only entity whom can touch my heart, simultaneously.

Tell me, "I love you."
Say it with conviction.

Wait for the time.
Where the nine realms collide.

A touch of insanity with a wicked kiss.
Silver-laced tongue, sharp and keen.

Did pleasure ever feel this exquisite?
Nay--
from a morals hands, calloused from tiresome battles.

Verily; with hands carved from flesh and blood.
life and death.

A hundred times over;
have I fled from a lovers touch?

A thousandth time;
did I plea for mercy.

I spit the cry out
with fire and brimstone burning my throat.

For all this chaos and despair surrounding me,
A god on his knee's begging for repentance.

What a sight to behold;
malevolent creature with a benevolent cause.

I worship you,
a man made of Iron

You are the only one who my madness doesn't touch,
and the only entity whom can touch my heart.

Fin
Frostiron anyone?
 Jun 2014 cierra fielding
WCA
Her folly lies in her capacity to love dangerously,
For she loves in many faces, in many words and in many tongues.
She lives inside her love, mutating her heart ever so.
Relishing, perilously, in the daze of its endangerment.
And for the fragments of her heart she is so terribly loved in return.
But only for a moment.
For she holds too much insanity in her sorrowful bones.
It infests her blue veins and plays with her hair.
It kisses her in the darkness of hidden longing,
And traces her skin with wistful desire.
Her insanity holds her to the wall and caresses her neck.
Her insanity gives her a cigarette and watches her blue smoke dance with a smile in the early morning.
Her insanity laughs with her in a melancholy haze of youthful poverty.
Her insanity holds her in his arms.
Her insanity is inescapably wistful.
It finds her in the night,
In the secret carousels of woeful nostalgia.
Her insanity has destroyed her so, and has so wickedly masked it as bliss.
She is irrevocably doomed, for she will spend her days submerged in an ocean of faces;
Hoping, so beautifully desperately,
That she will find a piece of him inside them.
-

*"Can I stay here a little longer?
I'm so happy here."
It hurts.
I know too much.
I'm on the border of sanity and its opposite.
I'm with my friends and thinking
"What if they knew?"
Their lives would change.

Maybe it would be better if I forgot everything.
But how?
I talk to them everyday.
Perhaps the summer will dull my mind.

I used to completely disagree with this quote.
I realize I have been manipulated.
I agree
*"Ignorance is bliss"
This occurs to me at least 5 times a day. I don't know what to do with this knowledge.
and I know
I said I’d be better
and I would
do more,
but honestly,
everything is
falling apart
and I have no
motivation
to catch the
broken pieces;
I don’t have
the patience
to tend to the cuts
on my hands
after fumbling
with shards
of my broken
bones
and I’m
losing pieces of
my mind
every single
day;
I’m so scared;
nothing makes sense
anymore
and I don’t even
want to be here
 Jun 2014 cierra fielding
Q
I wake as your  friend                                     You wake as my lover
I speak as your lover                                       You speak as my friend
I act as your possession                                   You are my possesion
I rebel as your cover                                        A means to an end
I hurt for your compassion                             You live for my acceptance
I injure for your respect                                  Though it's never been withheld
I confide for your emotion                              You crave my direction
I give and you collect                                      Never will you rebel

This is madness                                               This is Sparta
This is insanity                                                This is the price of exellence
I can't be everything for you                          I am your everything
You can't be everything for me                     I am magnificence
You treat everyone the same                         I am fair and righteous
As a friend, yet as a lover                              And yet you seek more
And it's a cruel, cruel game                          Dare you grow capricious
From your twisted love, no one recovers     You'll become one I abhor

I am done                                                       You are confused
(I am never done)                                          And I will not calm you
I am sick                                                        As I am amused
(But I'm not tired)                                         As I drop little clues  
I will run                                                        You'l­l never leave me
(I won't run)                                                  But I'll abandon you
Because I love you                                        You'll always need me
(A better word is 'desire')                             And I'll never need you

Let me go!                                                    My grip is vice-like
(But you're not holding me)                       I'm not ready to let you go
Bring me back!                                            If I lose you, 'my dear'
(But I never left)                                          I must find yet another 'beau'
Love me only!                                             And I've not the time to put effort
(But you love equally)                               In little minions like you
Push me away!                                          I've not a care to give for
(Or bridge this rift)                                    You insects I never knew

Please, disappear                                       I am your torture
One day you'll understand                      But I am your salvation
That the twisted way you love                 I am your executioner
Could coax death from any human        And I am your redemption
Please, disappear!                                     You'll wish me dead forever
Though I'll weep when you're gone        You'll wish me dead I know
I know sanity will return                          And you'll wish yourself deader
And I'll eventually move on.                    *When away I finally go.
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