Days grow longer, nights unbearable
Alone in the dark
I've never felt so terrible

Constant thumping, pounding heart
Memories take life
And tear me apart

Broken will, absent reason
My kingdom crumbles
Unspeakable treason

Silently whispered, unconscious invasion
Branded from refuge
No hope of salvation

Burning sunrise, frostbitten soul
Stitched together
But far from whole

Lethargic emotion, stillborn spark
Yet it still burns
Alone in the dark

Don't pity my life, nor my pain
Don't **** on my back..
And tell me it's rain.

The trials I've been facin'
Nothin' like the dreams I'm chasin'
Traveled round the continent
Memories of time I've wasted

Seems like of all the places
All the drugs and girls tasted
I'd find peace in sobriety
But all I've ever been is wasted

Now I look in the mirror..
And oh my god I hear her
Screamin' callin' out my name
I hit the glass.. cuz I can't be near her

The blame the fault is mine
For all the borrowed misused time
I shake I sweat I try to sleep
Ive dug myself in deep this time

I wish I could forget
I try to pray away regret
God ignores my pleas for help
Because I've cried wolf before I bet..

Time is passin' I'm no younger
In life there is so much to plunder
I look ahead to brighter days
But all the forecast calls for thunder

I think it's time I stop tryin'
Wastin' precious breath from cryin'
Paint on a smile, pretend I'm fine
So no one will see inside I'm dyin'

I wish you could see
How broken you left me
Lying in pieces
Struggling to put myself
Back together
The sky is blue
But not over me
An ominous cloud lurks
Raining torrentially
Washing bits of pieces away
From my pile of ******* nothingness
That my bleeding hands fight
To grasp hold of any
Shard of who I was
So I can slit my wrists
And use my blood as glue
To hold all I am left
Together.
But I can not adhere
Any of them together
So I'll just say **** it
And watch the pieces wash away
In the Torrential downpour
That is my life.

I can't close my eyes
Without you stalking me
In my mind

The things I would trade
To go back to the day
Before darkening storm
Took my happiness away

Don't look at me with your eyes
So deep, dark, and full of lies
Shed some light on your true side
camouflage and smoke you hide behind
Lure me in.. I know what I'll find..
A ****** beautifully sinister mind.

The phone is ringing
But I wont answer
For I know the caller
The emotional cancer
The words she'd spew
Treacherous.. Lies
The traps she'd set
With the tears she'd cry
The spell she weaves
Without even thinking
Grasps my essence
And leaves me weeping
No the phone may ring..
Buy I wont answer
For I'm already victim
Of cupids cancer

You rain your words upon me
I am shelterless
Lightening streaks my wounded sky
How could I forget

You stab me with your actions
Fracturing my brittle bones
Glass house false security
Cracking from your stones

You weave your clever magic
God knows I'm a fool..
You use me when you need me
I'm quite a handy tool

You hail your insults on me
But I'm too stubborn to see
My obsession of your love
Has polluted me

As time ticks by they say
It will mend my wounds
Well if this is true
Why do I still feel so blue?

It seems time has somehow
Simply forgotten me
Left me festering
An embodiment of misery

I watch the clock tick by
In my lonliness
Drenched in stress
Hallowed out from nothingness

Close my eyes for a second
Yet it feels like a lifetime
Aging in my broken mind
A stain on the underwear of life

I just wish god would grant
Me an act of mercy
And just finish me
Because life is
Slowly killing me.

Tonight when I lay down to sleep
I hope the reaper comes for me
Hell for sure is where I'll be
So physically strong..
But religiously weak.

The sun is setting and darkness coming
And once again I find myself running
For with the night comes the changing
In my head its always raining

I can run, but can never hide
Only light keeps at bay the demon inside
Without the warmth I become only numb
Abandon all hope as I come undone

Claw at my skin until its blood red
Cocked and loaded barrel to the head
Memories flash as reality flickers
I can end it all if I just pull the trigger

Alone in my nothingness nobody would care
My peripheral vision now drowning in tears
Day breaks the gloom.. Warmth starts to spread
And I am alone, on the floor dead.

I dont wanna wait forever
But I guess I must
I dont wanna be drug deeper
But I feel the cut
And in the end all I feel
Is broken mistrust..
Just know I hurt
More than enough
because I loved
For both of us

My heart covered with ice
Impossible to thaw
So cold inside
No way to ignite
An ember to life
Warmth denied
In my hearth.

Roses are wilting
Violettes are rotten
This garden is my mirror
Formenting forgotten

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me the bedpost master
**** me ride me bite me

There is no bottom of my heart
Tis deeper than any sea
There is no shallow area
No risk of judgement
Trust me I have explored
My limits set my standards
I have been adrift so long
I forgot what land looks like
If you ever search for me..
Close your eyes and peer
Into my heart youll find me
Lost in an ocean..
Floating on a door
And thats just fine with me
At least while im adrift
I can feel the love
I so desperately want to give
To that special somebody
Before it dries up..
And I drown
Face down
In the last cup of love..
I have to offer.

Her heartbeat echoes
Through the corridors
Of my memories.

Her aroma intoxicates
The fragile essence
Of my sobriety

Her words resonate
Through my mind
Over and over

Her faithlessness extinguished
The raging flame
Of my life.


I am defeated.

As this greyhound takes me closer home
My stomach turns
And I go numb

Memories invade and **** my sobriery
Flashes of the past
Interupt and remind me

Reasons I left, swore to never return
I look at my life..
Reminiscences churn

My mental infrastructure shakes violently
Threatening to collapse
Losing inner harmony

My conscience splitting, down the middle
And I lack the education
To solve this riddle

Greyhound stops.. Its final destination
And I find myself again..
Seeking salvation.

It matters not where I go
All roads always lead me
Home.

Look at you my guilty pleasure
Im just trying to hold it together
Because you said forever
Left me blowing in the wind like a feather
Once my hearts defender
Baby don't your remember
There was a time you wouldn't surrender
My loves nerve center
****** inventor
But I cant forgive you, your no first offender.

And would even matter anyway?
Does it matter what words I say?
Can nothing make you stay?

I see now you have a good life
I wonder what that feels like
You know I always make a mess of mine

Still I see you walking with him
Thats when all the pain is real again
I miss my lover.. My best friend

The love we shared has vanished
Might have even left the planet
You look so happy.. I cant stand it..

When's it my turn for a happy end?
In this endless game of pretend..
I miss my lover.. I miss my friend..

I was just 16, nothing as it seemed, wasting days away, living in a dream.

Hands clasped tight, long walks through the night, the look in her eyes, I knew I had chosen right.

Took her in the field, kissin, coppin feels, decided it was time, oh god it was so real,

The rain beating down, clothes scattered around, and there under that old pine, tangled naked on the ground..

Her body rose and fell, and the aroma of her smell, the way she climbed on top, and rode me straight to hell,

The heat was raw intensity, and the scratches left on the back on me, juices flowing fluently.. I see it still so vibrantly.

Beauty still unmatched, oh my god what a catch, took over a year for me to get her on her back

But ohh was it ever worth the ride, I still smile inside, whenever I close me eyes
Still lights a fire inside..

Hard to believe it was both our first time, but I knew it was she was so tight inside, tangled, naked slip n slide.. My god that girl knew how to ride.

Let me ask you this, just tell me if im close, you said you want forever.. But time is an overdose?
You want someone to come, someone unlike the rest, you want a man to make you feel.. More than second best?
You want that guy to shower you, with affection, laughs, and memories.. You want to wake up knowing, this is where your meant to be?
You want somebody to be there, so your never alone, you want a steady partner, and together make a home?
You want a man to come, and help you bare your burdens, you say youve been hurt.. And swear to never hurt him..
You want to be romanced, hold hands and go for walks, somebody you can cuddle, a safe place for you to talk?
You want a decient lover, sweat and ecstasy in the dark.. Somebody to help you fulfill the fantasies in your heart.
Above all else though, and im guesing this is the case, you want somebody wwho wont run.. When trouble shows its face.
That person to stand beside you, as all around you crumbles, and even when the damage is done, you want that one man that wont stumble..
And as you go through life together living dreams and laughin'
Yeah well fix your make up girl cuz that disney **** never happens.

I guess it wasnt meant to happen
I should have known all along..
What my ears thought was harmony..
Was two very different songs..

I was lost inside the harmony
By the spell in tune you sing..
I was soaring through the heavens..
When you ripped off my wings.

Its been a long, long time
Cant seem to find
Any shred of peace of mind.

Thoughts invade, tranquility escapes me
Memories bombard
And reality rapes me.

Crooked steps come, close behind
A sinister trap
But I'm far from blind

A calculative maneuver, clever plot
But you've yet to taste
The hell I've brought

Bring on your best, I've faced this before
I'll go down swinging
In this ******* war.

Follow me, I'll show you
I'll walk along the roads with you
And stones they cast at you
Are cast at me too.

Branded outcast, forbidden
There is no place we haven't hidden
Left smitten, in the sake
I **** in.

Your brand name, your fire
Promises to take me higher
Leave me weeping in regret
Your such a clever liar

You know me, you showed me
Should of listened when they told me
Cheap bargin and I sold me
Now only sin consoles me.

Eyes closed, reality fades
Drifting into memories
Reliving life.. Decisions made
Knowing they can never change

Reaching out to touch her face
The one sure thing.. You cant replace
..Night progresses slow and cold
Lucid dreams feel so alone

When she consumes and devours
Your sanity more every hour
Minutes pass all turns sour
Try to wake but lack the power

Color fades losing control..
Am I still dreaming? F#ck I dont know

Did it hurt?
When you fell
Out of the ***** tree
And slept with every branch
On the way down?
Its okay
I understand.
Cant have a body like yours
And a heart beat too.

Coursing through my veins
Like venom after bite
Slowly becoming paralyzed
Fighting for my life
Choking on my *****
Vision black as night
Pulse about to flat line
Thats what your love is like.

Here I lay in emotional waste
Left with null but sence to taste
All the decay inside this place
And fast enough I cannot haste..

A light illumination, mirage on the wall
My mind is playing tricks, and I cant fight them all
Out from under all, this turmoil I must crawl
For I have not the strength, to be victor of this brawl

You rain your words upon me, I am shelterless
The wounds you have caused me.. I will not forget
But whats this inside the darkness? Still yet drawing breath..
Its the only thing you left me
Eternal nothingness.

I am aware, I need to let go
That all we once were
Has flown out the window.

I know it has been long enough
How can you look so happy
And I look so rough

It is easy to see, just not accept..
Tears swell my eyes
I draw my breath

Your smile reflects my rotting insides
I try avoiding your gaze
As you walk on by

I can pretend to be just fine
Not putting myself out
To be left to dry

To the moon and back?
Forever and a day..
How can we be friends..
When you threw it all away?

I used to think
I was on top of the world
But it turns out
The view is similar
From the bottom of
A bottle.

Found out your pregnant again
I hope your well and happy
Hopefully not with another
Dead beat baby daddy.

Just open your eyes
You will surely see
All that I would sacrifice
If youd come back to me
I know the worlds big
Full of possibilities
But its easy to lose the forest
While your gazing at the trees.

Shelter me..
From myself..
Lead me away from roads
Im wandering down
Give me.. Protection please
Be the one thing in my life
I dont have to defeat..

Are you the one?
Im searching for..
Dont say yes
If your not sure..
As for my brokeness
There is no cure
If you cant stay
Just close the door
Ive gotten used to being last
Look in my heart..
Look at my past
Loves a promise
That dies too fast..
So all I really have to ask is..
Shelter me.

Try to drown my sorrow
Try to  pretend tomorrow
Wont be just another day
Down this road I follow..

But I'm at the bottom of the bottle
Ive went and gone full throttle
Looking back in my rear view
Sobriety.. Is not my motto..

Another rack of *****
I toast each one to you
Thank you for the memories
I relive on my drunken cruise

The radio echoes out to me
And all my heart has come to be
Empty bottles hide the floor
Evidence of my self-mutiny

Had a few too many now I see
The lanes in the road now multiplying
A crack, a smirk, and pop the cork
And run this car into a ******* tree.

Laying in the pile
Of broken hopes and dreams
All I know is pessimism
All I hear are screams

Slowly I am crushed
And what little is left of me..
All I feel is anger
All I know is agony

Everything I am
who Im trying to be..
All I know is Im alone
All I feel is misery

Im in a hole so deep
The light is but a speck
And all I know is loneliness
All I feel is regret

To all the world
All my friends
As I close in
Near the end
A tight rope stretched
Forced to strain
And deep inside
A lake of pain
I drowned the sorrows
Trapt inside
Now all there is left to say
Is.. I'm sorry and goodbye.

Looking down on me
As I go under
This murky water preventing you
From reaching out to me..
Just watch me drown
I understand
I wouldn't want to
Get my dress wet either.

They say actions speak louder than words
Yet words cause emotional injuries
That can never be cured.
You can get roughed up..
But that makes you tough..
If actions do speak louder than words..
Why do words hurt so much..

Don't feel much like talking
Or hanging out at night
Don't feel much like laughing
Pretending everything's alright
Don't feel much like doing anything
But lay awake and wonder why
I work my hands to the bone
And just want to ******* die.

Can no longer stay awake
But sleep is inevitable
There you are again
God please..
Do not ever want to..
Close my eyes again.

Smash through my walls
Like the wrecking ball you are
Leave me open and vulnerable
Allow the world to eat at me
It took so long to *****
That which I was hiding behind
Then through the darkness
I thought I saw a light
I lay my guard down
For just a second
And there you were
A cataclysm of emotions
I thought had died long ago
Plows through my barricades
With no mercy
I close my eyes hoping..
It is all just a mirage
That I am still safe behind
My impenetrable fortress
But nay,
I open my eyes..
And all I ever tried to forget
All I felt.. the memories..
your smile..
Looking around..
Everything I had built..
Lost..
Because I trusted you again
And as you walk away
Here I lay
In a pile of brokenness
Struggling to rebuild
Whats left of my serenity.

The days pass me by
I wonder where you are

I look out my bedroom window
Do you see the same stars?

Its raining here in Naples
The sky is sickly grey

Is it sunny in Vermont?
Enough to chase your thoughts away?

Do you ever think of me?
The love we used to share?

Do you find yourself crying..
When you realize Im not there?

Does the world seem to stop
When i cross your mind?

Inside are you wilting?
While on the outside your just fine?

Does the night come on so cold..
You remember the heat from me?

Does the morning come to soon..
And you realize we were just a dream?

I will forever love you
Even though we have seen our last

I will forever love you
Even though you've taken a separate path

I tried to bury my feelings
Tried to pretend they weren't there
While you were doing you
While you didn't care

And now as I've thrown
The final shovel
On the grave of my heart..

You blow in like a hurricane..
And want to press restart..

After all the words you chose
The means you chose to end..

And alas I can never turn my back..

So..

Here we go again..

The sun tires almost instantly
Even though the days anew
Life has picked up its pace
Since I'm no longer with you

It's scary to see the seasons
Go by like day and night
I have so much fight left in me
But there's no battle to fight

I hear your voice in my dreams
I feel your lips on mine
Alarm clock rings and I wake up
To a lonely state of mind.

Drifting out of consciousness
Her voice like a lullaby
Lucius hair and lipstick
She cleverly hides behind..
Pulls me in and I am lost
To roam this tragic dream
Where everything is how I want it
Yet nothing is as it seems
For the flowers start to wilt
The sky from blue to gray
My dreams turn to nightmares
The second she walks away

The rain pours heavily
Drowning out all sound
Except your heartbeat
In my memories.

Its hard to say goodbye
When I see you every night
Every time I close my eyes
When darkness consumes the light

Its hard to say goodbye
When my memories come knockin'
As I place more nails
In my hearts fated coffin

Its hard to say goodbye
When you were once hello
The very best of me
I do not wish to let you go

Its hard to say goodbye
To the angel that graced my life
The one who once said yes..
When I asked her to be my wife

Its hard to say goodbye
I fumble on the symbols
My palms are shaking violetly
As all I know comes to a close

Its hard to say goodbye
When your world is falling apart
When your left out in the rain
Trying to revitalize your heart

Yes its hard to say goodbye..
When you don't want it to end
When your perfect fairy-tale
Turns out to be pretend..