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And would even matter anyway?
Does it matter what words I say?
Can nothing make you stay?

I see now you have a good life
I wonder what that feels like
You know I always make a mess of mine

Still I see you walking with him
Thats when all the pain is real again
I miss my lover.. My best friend

The love we shared has vanished
Might have even left the planet
You look so happy.. I cant stand it..

When's it my turn for a happy end?
In this endless game of pretend..
I miss my lover.. I miss my friend..
There is no bottom of my heart
Tis deeper than any sea
There is no shallow area
No risk of judgement
Trust me I have explored
My limits set my standards
I have been adrift so long
I forgot what land looks like
If you ever search for me..
Close your eyes and peer
Into my heart youll find me
Lost in an ocean..
Floating on a door
And thats just fine with me
At least while im adrift
I can feel the love
I so desperately want to give
To that special somebody
Before it dries up..
And I drown
Face down
In the last cup of love..
I have to offer.
Laying in the pile
Of broken hopes and dreams
All I know is pessimism
All I hear are screams

Slowly I am crushed
And what little is left of me..
All I feel is anger
All I know is agony

Everything I am
who Im trying to be..
All I know is Im alone
All I feel is misery

Im in a hole so deep
The light is but a speck
And all I know is loneliness
All I feel is regret
Days grow longer, nights unbearable
Alone in the dark
I've never felt so terrible

Constant thumping, pounding heart
Memories take life
And tear me apart

Broken will, absent reason
My kingdom crumbles
Unspeakable treason

Silently whispered, unconscious invasion
Branded from refuge
No hope of salvation

Burning sunrise, frostbitten soul
Stitched together
But far from whole

Lethargic emotion, stillborn spark
Yet it still burns
Alone in the dark
Follow me, I'll show you
I'll walk along the roads with you
And stones they cast at you
Are cast at me too.

Branded outcast, forbidden
There is no place we haven't hidden
Left smitten, in the sake
I **** in.

Your brand name, your fire
Promises to take me higher
Leave me weeping in regret
Your such a clever liar

You know me, you showed me
Should of listened when they told me
Cheap bargin and I sold me
Now only sin consoles me.
There was a time I'd wait
For you
There was a time I'd die
For you

There was a time the rain
Didn't matter
There was a time the pain
Didn't matter

There was a time that I wasn't
There was a time I wouldn't
Roll in my grave
There was a time
Yeah there was a minute

When I couldn't see life
Without you in it
There was a place.. We called home
That's still the place
I write alone
I will never forget

The way you walked
The way you talked
The peace to my life
You brought

The love you brewed
And even though were through
I will never forget
I toss and turn
Like a ship in the ocean
Like a mad man
Void of emotion

Compass points to
Wealth and riches
Full speed ahead
To beers and *******

Had enough of these
Lying deceiving
Girls who say
They're never leaving

But as soon as
The adventure ends
They write me off
As less than friends

They say any port
Is good in the storm
As long as it has alcohol
And a place to keep warm

I don't look at
Life that way
I look for the port
To stay

But all this time
Coasting trial and error
Play my cards carefully
Cuz I'm afraid to scare her..

But here I am
Still sailing
To that woman worth
More than nailing.

A notch on the belt
Of captain yours truly
A tad bit corny
***** and unruly

Maybe I'll find her
Somewhere more exotic
Find that woman that
Defines mere ******

But until that day
Comes with the horizon
I seek my comfort
In the eyes and the thighs in..

The place I wake up
Safe and warm
Because there is truth in..
Any port in the storm.
Here I am
Falling to pieces
Are you the one?
To put me back together?
I know I'm scarred..
Not much to look at at
Buy beneath the skin
Resides a ride or die man
Don't judge a book
By its cover
I am living proof
Of such a notion
Take my hand
Hear my words
They're more than
Just statements
I love you now
And I will
Love you til the end
Tick tock goes
The clock
Bombarded endless beats
Here I am once again
Falling to pieces
Be the glue
Be the string
That holds me together
And I promise you
Will ever hurt you again.
Trust in me
Follow through
I am not a liar
Help me find
A piece of mind
I'll never abandon you
Here i am
Yet again
A pile of pieces
Not much to see..
But trust in me
You'll never hurt again.
Its been a long, long time
Cant seem to find
Any shred of peace of mind.

Thoughts invade, tranquility escapes me
Memories bombard
And reality rapes me.

Crooked steps come, close behind
A sinister trap
But I'm far from blind

A calculative maneuver, clever plot
But you've yet to taste
The hell I've brought

Bring on your best, I've faced this before
I'll go down swinging
In this ******* war.
The suns gone down.. back tomorrow
and here i lay awake now hallowed
and the words i wished id swallowed
the path in life i wish id followed..
means nothing now because i was weak
inside myself where secrets keep..
the ones that wake my deepest sleep
and out of me creeps sanity..
to her i mean nothing..
for she left me in the past..
but id still tell her i loved her..
even if that breath is my last.
#heart #broken #thats #life
The silence of your whispers
when you speak to me.

the erotica you use on my mind
sets my mental state at ease

when you grab my hands and embrace them
tell me to have my way

clothes undone, ready for some fun
and I can't look away

your eyes so memorizing
beauty captivates my cell

your body sculptured perfect
if theres a flaw I couldn't tell

you bite my lip, breathing
go faster.. harder please

scratches down my back, prove I do not lack
the ability to fulfill your needs.

the sun has gone down tonight
the aroma of us has followed..

in the aftermath of our naked clash..
my endurance dwindles hallow.
She calls to me
Not with her voice
Not with her beauty

I gravitate toward her
Absent resistance, conscience..

We connect two bodies
Yet merge one soul
She calls to me..
Tis why I am whole
She takes it
Deep Inside
Raging and throbbing
Biting her lips
Arching her back
You think it's ***
It's really depression
Only I can fix me
But I have given up
Life is ******* everyone
But I have had enough.
Down by the market, past
The only stop light
We would walk, and talk
Make out all night
Forbidden love
But it felt so right
Go to sleep early
Sneak out all night

The winter was cold
Friction warmed us both
Enough to get naked
Make love in the snow
Until we pocket dialed on
Your old cell phone
2:30 am your mom was home
I wish I could see her face
When she first heard you moan

Havent seen you in years
But this I know
You still smile
Whenever it snows.
If thats true
You're not alone
Because I'm cold as hell
And popping up a bone.
I picked a dozen roses
And sent them all to you..
Some are different colors..
With a symbolic point of view..
2 red roses for your smile..
That drives me insane..
2 pink roses for your kisses
That leave a lipstick stain..
2 blue roses for your eyes
Pools of natures perfection
2 yellow roses for your beauty
My only selection
2 purple roses for your body
Of which I can't ignore..
2 black roses for leaving me..
Dying on the floor
please accept these flowers
And know I love you so..
Each one a fragment of myself..
And all that you let go.
Walking down this dark highway
Wondering if you pass thought my way
And if you do then what do you say?
Your memory is all I have left today
Not what you needed at the time I guess
Because if I were you wouldn't have left
So I find myself now holding my breath..
Staring down counting back my steps
Its funny how life twists and turns
Its amazing how fast bridges burn
Light the right ones up and a lesson learned
Spending every penny earned
Don't need the money or society
Because all I need is already inside me
My way back to you and our rivalry
Through the night the burning bridges guide me
Spectacular view.. from where I'm now stranded
You threw me away but look where I landed
For all the miles I have now expanded
Fought my way back nothing's been handed..
I spit out your taste and your name
Point your finger yeah I'm to blame
For being a loyal lover and the one that came
For you when your life was going insane..
So now I walk and all that's left to say
I'm not sorry I wasn't good enough that day
I look into the night and wander astray
and these burning bridges light my way.
I wish you could see
How broken you left me
Lying in pieces
Struggling to put myself
Back together
The sky is blue
But not over me
An ominous cloud lurks
Raining torrentially
Washing bits of pieces away
From my pile of ******* nothingness
That my bleeding hands fight
To grasp hold of any
Shard of who I was
So I can slit my wrists
And use my blood as glue
To hold all I am left
But I can not adhere
Any of them together
So I'll just say **** it
And watch the pieces wash away
In the Torrential downpour
That is my life.
It's come down to this..

I do not want to wake
Smothered in my sake
I just wonder..
How much can I take?

Am I destined to roam?
To never reach home
To go to sleep at night alone?

To wake up so lonely
With nobody to hold me
Alone in my shell with no one
To console me..

As I close my eyes
My burning insides
Erupt through my veins
And I can't even cry

I know I more than deserve
To escape this hurt
I know deserve
To be comfortably hers.
Roses are wilting
Violettes are rotten
This garden is my mirror
Formenting forgotten
I saw your smile and I was lost
Your beauty puzzled me
My hopelessness tossed
It took some time
But soon we were falling
Inside of me
Emotions we're brawling
So fast and so real
I never knew you were frowning
But when we hit loves ocean
You left me there, drowning.
Hundreds of people
In the crowd around me
But I've never felt
More alone

I've spent infinite time
Adrift in solitude
And was forced
To build a home

The storm constantly darkens
Gorging on the light
Inside of me hope
Has given up the fight

I drone through the day
Normal people around me
I paint on a smile
But Inside I'm drowning
He who fishes
In his neighbors well
Only catches *****.
The phone is ringing
But I wont answer
For I know the caller
The emotional cancer
The words she'd spew
Treacherous.. Lies
The traps she'd set
With the tears she'd cry
The spell she weaves
Without even thinking
Grasps my essence
And leaves me weeping
No the phone may ring..
Buy I wont answer
For I'm already victim
Of cupids cancer
Cauldron cauldron on the fire
Give birth to my deepest desire
In return I sprinkle and spice
The heart of a man
The life from a wife

An ounce of tears, from a lover
One teaspoon of juices made under the covers
Two blue eyes stricken with shock
A virgins innocence
A pedophiles ****

Cauldron cauldron come to boil
Last ingredient a lonely girl
Bubble and steam bring her to me
Born in reality
Bread in a dream

Cauldren cauldren on the fire
Deliver me my desire
When you can't find her.. make her.
Every time I close my eyes
Memories like to **** me
My slumber is so dark
Nothing can awake me

Shadows fill the void..
A deep and empty well
And somewhere at the bottom
Rolling is Adele.
What happened to that fire in your eyes
And the wall you hide behind?

Was it easy to decide?
Do you wake with peace of mind?

when you close your eyes
Do you travel back in time?

Cold sweats in the night
And remember..
What my love was like..
Another sun sets
I watch the night creep  
The color is ****** from the world
Vanishing before my very eyes
I crumble to my knees and beg
I wish only to be
Like the trees and houses
That vanish within
The tidal wave of darkness.
Did it hurt?
When you fell
Out of the ***** tree
And slept with every branch
On the way down?
Its okay
I understand.
Cant have a body like yours
And a heart beat too.
Try to drown my sorrow
Try to  pretend tomorrow
Wont be just another day
Down this road I follow..

But I'm at the bottom of the bottle
Ive went and gone full throttle
Looking back in my rear view
Sobriety.. Is not my motto..

Another rack of *****
I toast each one to you
Thank you for the memories
I relive on my drunken cruise

The radio echoes out to me
And all my heart has come to be
Empty bottles hide the floor
Evidence of my self-mutiny

Had a few too many now I see
The lanes in the road now multiplying
A crack, a smirk, and pop the cork
And run this car into a ******* tree.
Smoldering in the dark
Decaying crevices in my heart
A once proudly raging spark
Threatens to disembark

What once was warm is cold
Even my bones feel old
Peaceful memories wilt and mold
Sanity will soon unfold

No way to reignite
This fire in my life
No tranquility awaits me
When I turn out the lights.
She walks through the corridors of my mind
Leaving nothing but longing behind
My god how could I have been so blind
Not to see this woman in front of me..
The entire time.
Drifting out of consciousness
Her voice like a lullaby
Lucius hair and lipstick
She cleverly hides behind..
Pulls me in and I am lost
To roam this tragic dream
Where everything is how I want it
Yet nothing is as it seems
For the flowers start to wilt
The sky from blue to gray
My dreams turn to nightmares
The second she walks away
Let me ask you this, just tell me if im close, you said you want forever.. But time is an overdose?
You want someone to come, someone unlike the rest, you want a man to make you feel.. More than second best?
You want that guy to shower you, with affection, laughs, and memories.. You want to wake up knowing, this is where your meant to be?
You want somebody to be there, so your never alone, you want a steady partner, and together make a home?
You want a man to come, and help you bare your burdens, you say youve been hurt.. And swear to never hurt him..
You want to be romanced, hold hands and go for walks, somebody you can cuddle, a safe place for you to talk?
You want a decient lover, sweat and ecstasy in the dark.. Somebody to help you fulfill the fantasies in your heart.
Above all else though, and im guesing this is the case, you want somebody wwho wont run.. When trouble shows its face.
That person to stand beside you, as all around you crumbles, and even when the damage is done, you want that one man that wont stumble..
And as you go through life together living dreams and laughin'
Yeah well fix your make up girl cuz that disney **** never happens.
When life gives you lemons..
Make lemonade..
When life gives you ****..
Fertilize your garden.
**** in one hand
Hope in the other
See which one
Fills up quicker
Lately, I've been down
Lost inside my mind
Probe deep.. dig deeper
I'm sure you will find

Alone and, misguided
Roaming through heart
It looks good, peaceful
But deep inside it falls apart

I know not, where I'm off to
But I know all too well
Ill always, be alone
In my heart's lonesome cell.
My heart covered with ice
Impossible to thaw
So cold inside
No way to ignite
An ember to life
Warmth denied
In my hearth.
I enjoy watching the sunrise,
on the porch in my chair,
morning coffee.. first cigarette
I could be dying.. I still wouldn't care

Breathing life into vision
the colors erupt as the light invades
the warmth spreads to me
a splash of hope.. a splendid taste.

The way the dew glimmers
while trees dance in the wind
the birds sing their song
almost absolving my sins.

Experiences like this keep me grateful
for the hardship I endure.
I don't take medicine for my depression..
a dose of reality is the cure.

The sun tires almost instantly
I see by the pink streaked sky.
I extinguish my last cigarette..
as the light says its goodbye.
To all the world
All my friends
As I close in
Near the end
A tight rope stretched
Forced to strain
And deep inside
A lake of pain
I drowned the sorrows
Trapt inside
Now all there is left to say
Is.. I'm sorry and goodbye.
As time ticks by they say
It will mend my wounds
Well if this is true
Why do I still feel so blue?

It seems time has somehow
Simply forgotten me
Left me festering
An embodiment of misery

I watch the clock tick by
In my lonliness
Drenched in stress
Hallowed out from nothingness

Close my eyes for a second
Yet it feels like a lifetime
Aging in my broken mind
A stain on the underwear of life

I just wish god would grant
Me an act of mercy
And just finish me
Because life is
Slowly killing me.

Tonight when I lay down to sleep
I hope the reaper comes for me
Hell for sure is where I'll be
So physically strong..
But religiously weak.
My wings have been so denied
I tried to bury my feelings
Tried to pretend they weren't there
While you were doing you
While you didn't care

And now as I've thrown
The final shovel
On the grave of my heart..

You blow in like a hurricane..
And want to press restart..

After all the words you chose
The means you chose to end..

And alas I can never turn my back..


Here we go again..
It matters not where I go
All roads always lead me
I've tried calling
And I've tried texting
I've tried sleeping
No hope of resting

You're on my mind
You're in my dreams
I see the signs but
Don't know what they mean

Am I doomed to love you
When will you ever see
I was meant for you
And you were meant for me.
I am aware, I need to let go
That all we once were
Has flown out the window.

I know it has been long enough
How can you look so happy
And I look so rough

It is easy to see, just not accept..
Tears swell my eyes
I draw my breath

Your smile reflects my rotting insides
I try avoiding your gaze
As you walk on by

I can pretend to be just fine
Not putting myself out
To be left to dry

To the moon and back?
Forever and a day..
How can we be friends..
When you threw it all away?
I am..
Broken and scattered
Fragile and shattered
Dressed but tattered
Beaten And battered

Lost and ignored
Put on the shelf.. Stored
Forgotten and ignored
But another to your hoard

Stripped and undignified
Told only lonely lies
A mask to hide behind
Nobody to idolize

Strong but weak
Stricken can't speak
Emotions that leak
I am but a meek..

Shell of what I used to be
I am my own worst enemy
Prisoner of but apathy..
I am simply
The sun tires almost instantly
Even though the days anew
Life has picked up its pace
Since I'm no longer with you

It's scary to see the seasons
Go by like day and night
I have so much fight left in me
But there's no battle to fight

I hear your voice in my dreams
I feel your lips on mine
Alarm clock rings and I wake up
To a lonely state of mind.
Don't feel much like talking
Or hanging out at night
Don't feel much like laughing
Pretending everything's alright
Don't feel much like doing anything
But lay awake and wonder why
I work my hands to the bone
And just want to ******* die.
Don't look at me with your eyes
So deep, dark, and full of lies
Shed some light on your true side
camouflage and smoke you hide behind
Lure me in.. I know what I'll find..
A ****** beautifully sinister mind.
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