My sentences get rambled up.

They make sense up there, but not once they're down here. They lose their "umph", their clarity, their ingenuity. Some too short, some too long. Never comfortable or natural in my mouth but perfect and unflawed in that glorious thought bubble.

But I'm learning to say it all anyway. Despite uncertainty, despite unoriginality, despite "perfectness". Because the biggest "despite" I've come to learn is myself.

I think I'm always going to be that piece of gum.

Not the one that's a metaphor from Selma, whose all hateful because someone "chewed her up and spit her out". Not the one that got stuck in Mikail's shoe and just added to his already climbing pile of ****. Not the one that got caught accidentally in Isabel's best friend's hair and had to be cut out with scissors and made them trust each other even more.

I mean the one that was offered from that nice girl in school who had a nice backpack and whose name you'll have forgotten long before she's gone.

I'm absolutely terrified of being that piece of gum.
Almost as irrelevant as the girl herself.

my heart nearly stopped every time i had to cross the street
so let’s thank the queen for writing it down
before she’s just another thing i have to step over
all the rest have tickled my feet so far
and everything under construction reminds me that these days
the only remedy seems to be better luck and more cloud cover

i’ve been racing to crash on the couch
just to wake up to see if i have time for it all
and i want the stereotype to be true so i have nothing to cry about  
with the way things are going
you’d tell me not to be so brutal to myself
but the thrill i used to know is now paying its dues to the concrete

i was almost convinced i wasn’t asleep
when she whispered paris
nothing, everything may have changed
so this is not like anything i’ve never meant:

my heart nearly stopped with the regret of not talking to you
it's hard killing birds when you don't have any stones and
besides this time i think i've really done it
two days and this is already my favorite story but
second chances don't have to be so mysterious
maybe i just wanted to see you smile again

i should have said it w/o one of and the s after the L
still choosing o over x
and your pull showed my hands a home in the back of your denim
two across the channel makes the significant not so, if you want it
i’ll keep looking for you so long as you
don’t stop drawing me maps

if i died in my indecision then
your mouth showed me heaven
you’re the closest thing to purpose
i’ve ever tasted

i wish you knew how much i mean that

Tick tock tick tock.
"When will my breath stop?"
Apparently not appropriate conversation to make at my family gathering.

The chicken is delightful. Would you give me the recipe? (murmurs of agreement around table)

"I wasn't kidding. I avoid pools, yoga and beautiful people that take my breath away so I don't have to deal with slight fluctuations in my oxygen intake!"

The table was set up perfectly by the kids, don't you think? Granted they forgot the wine glasses! (adults chuckle)

"I can't help but imagine those pillowcases in our chests that expand occasionally, as if rotating fans face them. It's an obsession of mine!"

Oh I think Johnny's about to fall asleep! Is there a guest bed room I can let him rest in? (assistance follows)

"Why won't you listen! When I take off my T-shirts, I count down and gulp the air before pulling the fabrics off, out of fear of being found dead, half-naked due to suffocation."

Oh Laurie I really shouldn't have dessert, I'm trying to watch my weight, but let me help you bring it out? (chattering of women on the way to the kitchen)

"Don't you know that I carry both an oxygen tank and an assortment of plants and trees wherever I go. I insert the tubes or the vines into my nose so that even when I'm gone my lungs may never stop rising."

(speaker dies the next day in car crash)

I never seem to remember her face when I close my eyes.
The hologram images that come to my mind do her no justice;
they are equivalent to a nanosecond
of which she represents all of time.

She tells me of the future
full of everything in this world, that is beautiful, that I should look to.
This is the one moment I hate her for.
Because I know there will come a time when
she will leave
and people will only remember her briefly in conversations as they say
"I'd almost forgotten about her."
I resent that future.

I practice my cries for when she dies
because after all
practice makes perfect
and that will most definitely be the time in my life when I cry the hardest.
Hopefully my tears will drown me, so I would never see another day, without her.

You are 6 ft tall barely,
Already feeling broken,
haven't even had your first "real date."
Forgive me, I've misspoken.

You took her to a movie once,
You made her want to run,
Because she finally realised
I was the smoking gun.

I was one real reason,
bet you'd hate me if you knew.
Our newly ignited friendship?
Don't be kind, we'd be through.

Your words have too much impact,
You think things far too deep.
Your feelings have not subsided,
They haven't. Not in the least.

You say your mantra again
All thats happened, I'm above
If that is actually true,
Why do you still refer to her love?

Your heart is too invested,
I guess you're not for me.
For I was never going to accept
her seconds willingly.

Perhaps one far-off day,
When I'm comfortable with myself,
I'll remember these days,
And take my feelings off the shelf.