He doesn't allow me to pay for dinner
that is something I have to get used to
He tells me I am beautiful every chance he gets
that is another thing I have to get used to
He always texts me back first chance he gets
he always picks up the phone when I call
When I have an anxiety attack he doesn't get frustrated
he holds me and reminds me that I am not alone
He shares poetic things to my wall on Facebook
because he knows how much I love poetry
He watches me as I write
he says he finds my passion interesting
He lets me pick the music in his car
since he knows music calms me down
He always holds my hand when we are sitting together
and cuddles me when we're lying down
He is the type of man who will spend Friday nights
watching Netflix while eating pizza
He is the type that will listen to you
as you go on and on about absolutely nothing
He is the kind of man who won't play with your heart
he will keep it safe right next to his
He is what every woman is looking for in a man
he is my boyfriend and I adore him

I keep looking
out the ***** window
into my dark reflection
beyond the clouded stars.
Looking for answers,
and finding myself thinking more,
the wheels turning
until they’re nothing but burnt rubber.
Metaphors replace scents of DMT
and my mind runs on ecstasy,
but all I can imagine
are ships passing each other at midnight.
I want to turn the wheel and
crash
into your body, my solace.
But I don’t want to wreck what we have.
I can’t help but wonder
if this plane would drown in the ocean
beneath our unsuspecting minds,
would we be reincarnated
into soulmates
who travel in an RV
because we were born afraid to fly?
Even if we can’t afford the trip,
I’ve read your horoscope 1000 times
and the signs say that you can give me
adventure.
And this is more than ****** attraction,
it's wanderlust.
so please,
run away with me.

I don't have the right to be jealous.
I don't have the right to make you smile.
I don't have the right to think about you,
and I **** well shouldn't speak your name.
I don't have the right to laugh at your smirk.
I don't have the right to be happy.
I don't have the right to stand next to you,
and I **** well shouldn't want to call your arms home.
I don't have the right to share music tastes.
I don't have the right to accidentally wear matching colors.
I don't have the right to hold your hand,
and I **** well shouldn't cherish the moments when your freckled skin touches mine.
I don't have the right to be yours.
I don't have the right to call you mine.
I don't  have the right to feel my heart ignite in passions,
and I **** well shouldn't imagine you feel the same.

it is seven thirty-eight
after another redundant day
of not existing in anyone's eyes
and wandering the streets
with only my shadow walking beside me
and i am no good at existing
because i keep getting weighed down by this feeling
that everything which surrounds me
is just boring and lonely
i don't feel as if i am really living
i'm just passing these days without much hope
and with each i am seeing the end of this rope
i wish i wasn't a stranger
to everyone who i meet
all of these fleeting connections which none i can seem to keep
i don't understand how people have
people that love them, each and every day
through every good second and every bad minute
it's lonely when you reach home
tired, and encompassing yourself in cold blankets, alone
not any words to relieve to anyone
so i lay in this silence and try to breathe
because this loneliness is suffocating me and i am feeling all of my bones ache and creak
another day tomorrow - just to repeat?
why cannot i find anyone who will love me?

My dear silence
Can you be broken
My dear silence
Can you end
My dear words
That go unspoken
Can you be heard
Not just in my head