Carlisle: Poems

cherries

Carlisle Nov 2018

cherries

I've got daydreams
of you pushing our lips together
and I realize I am a late bloomer-

I have gone so long without
the realization that
I can feel comfortable
being wanted, that
I can crave people touching
me gently
and while I know it will be hard
not to flinch,

I am at long last
allowing myself to feel
desirable and
to desire in return

you may never use this power but
in thanks for the clarity you
have returned to me,

I give you the permission
to touch the art.
To lay your hands in the arch
of my spine,
rest your head on my shoulder,
and fall asleep next to my steady heartbeat.

This is not something I
have ever given, and
it is new to me
but you are beautiful in such a way
that it makes me feel pretty
just sitting next to you.

girl..friend...

#lesbian

fair folk

Carlisle Nov 2017

fair folk

she is gorgeous when the moonlight hits her,
en ethereal being that i am too afraid to reach towards.

I have never been brave enough to fall in love.

we both stand in this field,
and though it is dark out,
i see her well.

She will always be hard to miss.

we are both something transient in this moment,
as if we stand in the center
of a faery ring,
the small creatures
dancing merrily around us.

for a moment,
we are trapped in this meadow,
eyes locked upon each other.

.
.
.

and then life continues.

we are still both human,
and though i see her hair
rebelling in the humid air,
and i can see how harsh the moon hits the shadows beneath her eyes,

I think,

perhaps,

I will find my courage.

not about anyone in particular, but about someone i think id like to meet someday

#love #girls #moonlight

happy jar

Carlisle Aug 2018

happy jar

i.
i jar spare change for my trip home.
it’s moved away from me recently,
it sleeps across concrete rivers now.

i jar my change for the ferryman,
he will recognize me soon.
i will make this migration often,
and soon he will wink at me when i come to sit in his boat-
he knows what’s pulling me down the river.

and when i come collapse
into your arms,
my weariness will melt away,
wicking away in the warmth of you.

and i’ll be home,
for a while.

ii.
ice clenched between my teeth
i pull away from you
ferryman doesn’t wink this time.
he knows how bitter it is.

iii.
my spare change tink-tinks into the bottom of my jar.

the cold on my skin
is worth it.

summer wouldn’t be as sweet without the snow.

my girlfriend just moved away. i liked this poem a lot. makes me feel hopeful.

#love #lesbian #romance #longdistance #ldr

hard not to feel this way when the sun has fallen out of the sky

Carlisle Sep 2022

hard not to feel this way when the sun has fallen out of the sky

The news says:
the scouring of the earth began today,
so press your greasy fingers
against the triple-pane window
as you crave the heat of summer.
When we peer fearfully around the curtain,
we see the worms,
a warning the ants carry off the pavement.

There are holes punched
out of the whole world,
gaping,
unmoving, unapologetic,
wounds seeping into every thing on Earth.
Even the people bleed,
letting into and onto each other.
I open my mouth to sing,
and they dump the plasma in.

To chew with no result
(either spit or swallow)
is the request.
I try and pour the sorrow
back out of me,
but to do so is to look
into the holes I must spill it into,
their eyes shining back through mine.

It is endemic seasonally,
seemingly to every season,
so I seek an end,
seemingly endlessly.
In the morning I wake up rotten,
and by the evening I have been debrided.
Then the news comes in again;
I must start the search anew.

it's just a bit hot outside. i love the heat, but it's dangerous now. i miss not blistering from the sun.

#nature #summer #sad #depression #sun #commentary #environment #climate #healing

joyride.

Carlisle Nov 2017

joyride.

it's thrilling!
the way the wind whips my messy hair
against my face,
   a long and tattered flag behind me
     still braving the weather.

the way we stand together,
hand in hand,
  and embrace the storm
   that thunders around us.
it sends vitality coursing through me.

you give me a thirst for life
that i have long forgotten.

you remind me
of what i was before,
  and take me back
   to a place i can't remember.

this is about my best friend who's helped me through some tough times. not everything has to be romantic to mean a whole hell of a lot.

#platonic #friends #love #joy #happiness #recovery #healing

of mice

Carlisle Nov 2017

of mice

sometimes i forget
how i have grown to own my skin
and i am bigger than what i was trained to be

sometimes that training kicks in
and i am just curleys wife,
flashing ankles
trying to soak up leers
the same way young men
graciously accept accolades.

i wish i could say it at least
leaves an oily film
or the burning of bile
in the back of my throat but
it doesnt.

growing up as a sexually appealing teenager has separated my view of myself to my actual self. or maybe thats just how life is- you never really know what you look like.

#feminism #womanhood

rest stop

Carlisle Nov 2017

rest stop

The frogs croak and
the wind whips by.
It is a nice summer evening to spend
with you.
Sometimes we drive and
we do not go anywhere,
like the rest of the tired people-
running, running, running.

But for now the crickets chirp and
the music on the radio is quiet.
A white noise that is safe
to lose yourself in.
We are together,
in this moment,
and life has spared us time to
experience the universe,
and the wonder of being alive.

You weave your fingers through mine,
and while we do not slot together
quite like puzzle pieces,
it is comfortable.

For this pocket of time,
I have one hand interlaced with yours,
and my other hand steering the both of us
gently away from our worries.

for this pocket of time,
we simply exist.

life is too busy. We need to remind ourselves to run away to big highways surrounded by wheatfields sometimes.

#together #summer #drive #nature #relaxing

self-aware

Carlisle Dec 2017

self-aware

i am not a poet
i am simply cataloging my life
and saying it pretty.

poems are always about love and hate,
the great dramas of life.

my world is a quiet one,
and all i have to write about
are small dreams and
little moments.

i have heartbeats that would be a sin
to forget so
i immortalize them the only way i know how:
flowery words with no rhythm

I mean at the end of the day, that's what we're all doing. I've got a poet's brain and a happy lifestyle, and those two don't like to get along.

#poetry #meta

summer at 7 am

Carlisle Dec 2017

summer at 7 am

I have been awake,
perhaps a little longer than I should have.
My door is cracked and I hear you stirring.

The sun has risen, but the light that travels through
the window is still soft.
Your coffee machine gurgles,
and I think
what a wonderful thing to fall asleep to.
You are quiet but I still hear the gentle

tink-tink-tink

of your spoon upon your mug.

Your gentle morning mayhem
has become my lullaby,
and i know I will rest easier for it.

my sleep schedule gets crazy in the summer. my mother's never does.

#morning

sunburn

Carlisle Jan 2018

sunburn

The Sun
beats upon my
shoulders
a drunk
Father stinging me;
Your face
red and peeling,
grins past
your straw.

A hot day
spent dunked
in the ice
water;
Green and
slow moving with
algae.

inspired by William Carlos Williams, a poet after my own heart. particularly inspired by This Is Just To Say

#sunburn #swimming

there is only a few letters difference between defiance and deference

Carlisle Nov 2017

there is only a few letters difference between defiance and deference

I have a certain fondness for femininity
and I cannot tell if it is for my
aggressive dislike of being
told what to do
told how to do
that makes me wear short skirts
or if it is honestly the fun of it all.

I do not know if I exist simply
to defy expectations,
to wear floral dresses into a room of
wiry and grease-stained engineers
and wipe mascara off of my cheeks
after my sweat makes it run,
in the same way tears do.

Perhaps I exist to challenge those
people who would think a less loud,
less aggressive woman
in a floral dress
someone to trod upon.

In all honesty?
That does not seem too bad an existence.

i do hope that i am living
my truth and if i look
back in twenty years i do not
feel bitter for this time,
this time that could easily be
me crushing myself to
fit my mold.

feminism is a tricky thing. i think i just like to wear dresses.

#feminism #women #girls #defiance #roles

weeds

Carlisle Jan 2018

weeds

i have learned to live despite your bitter soil.
i will thrive without your support,
as i always have.
i am hardy and i do not wilt when the
cold comes.
you will not **** me,
not with your herbicides and
your kind words.
you will not tame me,
with your great blades that
churn the earth.
i will bloom through your efforts to
**** your garden,
a stubborn marigold in your sea of tulips.

you will not take from me what you want.
come time for me to bear a snowy head,
i will travel on the winds,
away from your small,
constrictive garden.
you will never wish upon me again.

....wrote this about a fictional character.... its weird to write a poem about something that I haven't experienced, but I think it turned out pretty okay.

#flowers

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