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Me: I love you
I typed it out on my phone
I was about to hit send
But then my brain exploded
With a million different voices
do you?
are you sure?
why do you even bother? she doesn't love you
I sent it anyway
Biting my lip
Waiting
You: I love you too babe*
And a different voice piped up
See? I knew she loved you
you had nothing to worry about
First you need friendship,
Then add a pinch of attraction,
And a dash of late nights and,
Glances that last to long.
Don't forget the ****** tension,
You'll need a lot of that,
Butterflies and quick heart beats.
Add nerves and hope filled dreams,
Laughter is next,
Along with too big t-shirts,
And warm blankets.
Touches that you liked to much,
And goodbye hugs,
Then add some strength,
And shared interests.
Now let that all simmer and stew,
And watch true love grow.
The threat that I'm gonna relapse is hanging over me
Like a dark cloud
I shiver knowing that I could fall
Off the small ledge I have made myself
At any moment I could take up
The blade that has done so much damage
I'm okay
For now
But will I be a week from today?
I have been clean for three weeks. I hope I can make it longer.
I have a problem and I don't know how to tell you.
I wanted to say it in person.
But I couldn't find the words.
So I'll put it here.

I can't ask for help.
I'll be in so much pain that I can barely breathe,
But I can't do it.

I'll have a trouble with a math problem,
But I can't ask you.

I will be curled up on the floor sobbing,
But I'll tell you I'm fine.

It's happening right now.
I have a headache.
But will I ask for a pill?
Nope.

I don't know what to do.
I know it's bad but.
I just can't.
Sorry.
Im fine
Im fine
Im fine
Im alright
Im 100 percent fine
Im fine
Im fine
Imineimfineimfine
Im fine
No really im fine
Im lovely
Great
Perfect
*maybe if i say it enough it will be true
I wished for so long that I could kiss you
That you would see me as more than a friend
And now you do
I hope this love will never end
When I see you the day gets brighter
The dark clouds lift
And life gets lighter
How I wished this day would come on wings swift
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