Stuck in the shell I can't shed
Help me, I'm locked in my head
No one can hear me scream, not even plead
Cutting my arms, watching them bleed
I can't take much more, someone end this pain
Ready to take a bullet to the brain
It too much to bare, just let it end
I beg and cry, but the message doesn't send
Louder and louder, but no one can hear me scream
Too much pain, too much, please is this just a dream
No one can help me now, I'm all alone
They can't hear my painful tone
Someone please, hear my cries
I yell and yell, but no one tries
I guess no one cares, no one is listening
My tears roll down glistening
I'll shut up and put on a smile
I'll walk a broken glass mile
Just know the smile I wear is to hide
I am eternally broken inside

Some nights I prefer reading a book,
indulging myself in a nonexistent world,
rather, a nonexistent universe
where you and i were never cursed

Some nights I prefer solitude,
in the comfort of my home,
with nothing but a glass of wine
and you, running on my mind

Some nights there I lay,
on the cold ground,
trying to mend myself though I know
you're the only one that could

Some nights I wish
that there are no more wishes
nor prayers I could pray
just so you would stay.

some nights.

I've always wondered why when you say goodbye
Beautiful colors paint the sky

Shades of oranges, reds, pinks, and blues
All come out because of you

And although I hate to see you go
I truly do enjoy the show

I've seen you leave so many times
But it's still a favorite sight of mine

There'll be no sadness, be no sorrow
Because my sun, you'll shine again tomorrow

I'll feel no hurt, feel no pain
As you make your way down
Your colors shall reign

people come and go,
like a ticket with an
expiration date.
without warning,
they just leave.

but you,
who brought so
much joy and comfort,
⸺ through your music,
i was able to learn
how to smile again.
you, with your honey-like
voice, hooked me with
the lyrics you’ve made.
i wrapped myself
around your songs,
knowing that it is
what keeps me going.

but you,
who brought so
much joy and comfort,
couldn’t learn how to
feel the happiness you
give.
i’m sorry.
i know you tried your best.
you tried to find the light so
hard that it must have blinded you.
and thank you.
i know you gave your best,
until the very end.
you gave us music that will
comfort us in our sad days.
you gave us the inspiration,
to keep going no matter
how strong the storm gets.

you might have went without
warning, but you are treasured.
your soul is alive as we will keep
your music going. we will blast it
from the rooftops until they hear.
the love we have for you.
this one’s for you,
kim jonghyun.
my 11:11.

Why do i feel so alone?
Why does it feel like nobody cares?
They say they do, but they don't act like it.
They don't show it.
I want to feel loved.
I want to be important to someone.
I want to be able to love someone
without getting hurt.
Not physically hurt.
Much worse.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
I have more scars than there are to be seen.
Not all of them are visible
Not all of them are touchable.
Not all of them can be healed.
But each of them are on the inside.
Each one is different than the next.
Some deeper than others.
Each one tears me up inside.
I cry for relief.
I cry for the pain to go away.
I cry to be loved,
wanted,
appreciated.
I cry alone.
No one can hear me.
I cry inside.
I cry by myself,
to myself,
inside.
No one sees it,
I hide it well.
My smile is not real.
It's my camouflage.
They see me as fine.
That's how I want it to be.
But in truth:
im not
I never was.
Never will I be
No one can help me.
I'm too far gone.
There's no fixing this.
There's no fixing me.
Not now.
Not ever.
They broke me.
Not my heart.
Not my brain.
Me.
All that I am.
All that I was.
I'm gone.
I'm not me anymore.
I'm what's left of what I was.
My heart,
my mind,
my body.
Nothing is the same.
I've changed.
I can see that I have.
They can't.
No one can.
I hide it.
I hide it with my emotions,
my mentality,
my,
happiness.
My feelings,
all gone.
I'm empty.
There's nothing left of me now.
No hope,
No love,
No pain.