The scariest part isn't my Sadness,

Or the emptiness in my loneliness

Not even the fact darkness has rejected me

Its the realization at 2am

That you don't have the energy to cry or to cut

How do i narrate this pain to you

Why is crying in my fate?

I am slowly breaking and it's not fair

How do i **** this pain

Without killing myself

I'm scared of the what if... what if I see him

What if he hurts me

He was meant to be my dad

Not my abuser

He was meant to protect me

My helplessness is in my eyes

It reads out help me before i die

In this kind of pain

I may die bearing it

Or even get used to myself

And I am scared….

The people making me

Cry are telling me to wipe my tears

And he isn't here anymore

But still breaths in my head

Everyday i scream silently

I hide my screams with a mask

My own look at me like I have commited a crime by saying thay I'm not fine

Laiba is hurting for too long

How much more can she take

I am sorry for not being happy

For being scared and the fear consuming me.

But what do you know

What I been through and why his presence scares me

her eyes are the universe
and her smile is heaven
if I could wrap myself in her laugh
i would

if ever

you don’t

feel

like you have a home,

pull me close,

wrap your arms around me,

rest your head on my chest,

close your eyes,

and feel the warmth of the fireplace

resonating from within my heart.

She said to me,

“Slow the pace of your touch.
You are blooming gardens inside of me
before Spring has had the chance..”

the phantoms of you rest thrillingly in my mind
they dance in my dreams
and scream in my ears
taking me back to our time

Now you read my title,
it isn't what it seems,
but I love him.

I love his color, the way he shines so bright,
The way he let's me put my legs around him tight.
When I turn him on, he fires up strong, then I think of my favorite song.

My legs begin to shake, as I pull towards the tank,
Clutch in, gear down, throttle up and let's go to town
then off we go riding through the sun, fire strong like a love so long.

I love him,
My black velvet.

in your arms, i find warmth.
i find 90s grunge band posters and fairy lights entangled on the walls with the scent of burning incense that has been lingering in the air around my nose for quite some time—a sensation of bliss between my cupids bow & chin when the sun touches my swollen lips with her soft & delicate ones—how does one tell the angel of the clouds to bring a storm down?

i find a remedy in our tomorrows
and a home in our forevers.