every dog has its day,
every day has its dog
if you claw your way
into the lap of the gods.

© Matthew Harlovic

stopped doing these dog chase ,
cause this running made me lame .
limping on the side walks ,
i am probably not the same haha.

I don't think I love you.
I shouldn't.
We are wrong in every way but
you are the one that took my innocence.
At first it's what I wanted.
But now, sitting here under these stars you once deflowered me under,
I realize that the greatest pain is knowing that
I wasn't the one you said goodbye to as you boarded
for England.
I lied though because the greatest pain speaks louder.
That I cannot be rid of the thoughts of you.
The sounds you made me spill
I never knew I could sing so beautifully,
and you were gorgeous when you looked at me.
Eyes so bright and kissing me as if I meant something to you.
I cannot say I love you but ****** it sure feels that way.
And these thoughts will not leave
you kissing my neck as I watch the stars dance
and we become them.
You don't think of me do you?
Not as I do, surly.
These thoughts, they'll haunt me.
You left without them.
You left me with them.

Have you ever felt Theres a passion in your Heart,

Thats burning to come out an show the world who you really are?..

What would your life be like?..
Who are the people that you'd meet?..

You watch Things pass you by
As time offers you up chances..


An you cant explain
exactly how you feel,
but you can imagine
it in your mind..

Its like the inner side of you
Nobody knows, Just wants to fly..



An when ever your around, you inspire people as your soul pours out..

An what makes you the Happiest
is living out all the Desires in your Heart..



Sometimes I imagine it play in my mind, but it doesn't play in real life..

The question is where do you start?.. an how do you get free?..

Your minds your
strongest force field,
an your heart will set
you free.

I knock on the door, shaking.
They answer, tell me to come in.
"I am not my self" I say.
"That's okay" they say.
I hesitate, brace for impact.
"Its okay" they say.
I stumble, asking for forgiveness.
"For what?" they say.
"For everything"

The past four years have been a triumph of self loathing, of learning to apologize while regretting saying sorry.  I have felt I am not even a person without a bottle or a pill. I do not know where my story began, and where I wish it ended. But I am slowly learning to be okay, to accept myself, I think that is why it has taken me such a long time to write.

The thing is, I don't know who I am, I have been a couple different souls: some are weak, some are strong, some are as passive as ocean sand.

I'm 22, female, and lost.  

I have contemplated death many times, I've attempted it even more.  If you are still reading I applaud you.  Bless your soul.

Sincerely,
Still alive