You're dying, you know
Your memory
The way you smell
Almost gone
The flecks of colour in your eyes
Are fading
The callouses on your hands against my bare skin
Did that ever happen?
Your voice,
Could've been the wind,
Or a crows call
You're dying
If not for the sound of your heart,
Still beating in my ear,
You'd be dead already
The memory of you will fade,
And fade
A memory of a memory
I will forget your smile,
The sound of your voice,
I'll forget the way you always smell like freshly cut grass
The way you look in orange
But the sound of your heart beating,
When I laid my head on your chest. . . . .

As the light of a crisp dawn
Floats through my window each morning
My first thought
Is if you survived another night.
If you're even alive
To see the prize
Of this glowing sunrise.

Because I can't imagine my life without
Your words
Rolling down cheeks in the form of
My tears
And your smell
Like ocean mist
Blowing in the breeze of what was once a naive girl
Letting the salt harden her
Until she can rust
The bitter world of metal
Which lays beyond.

Because hating the world won't be the same
unless I'm hating it with you.

Because I love the darkness in your soul in a way
I never thought that little girl could.

Because wondering about your safety
is my long-standing hobby.

Because I'm selfish.
I'm selfish and I need you
To continue living
So I can continue
Dying
To save you.

If I could cut open my heart
And have it pour your blood
Would that make you more a part of me
Than the possession of all my love?

Reach inside your chest
And pull out anything but apathy,
So I can see you give
Something tangible back to me.

Rid my body of your toxins,
Sweat you out through every pore.
Until only the sweet salt is left
On my skin,
As it was before.

And maybe it's okay
To still say those three words.
As long as they taste like vinegar
Instead of feeling like a prayer
As they roll off your tongue
Into the always silent air.

It's always you.
Your feelings,
Your heart,
Your mind.

Not me,
Or my sanity,
Or my peace.
Never me.

Always your happiness,
And your pains,
And you telling me
About how I'm wrong again.

And it's always you
That's right,
That's on the chopping block,
Not me.

It's never me,
That's hurting,
That's crying
While you're talking
About yourself,
Your needs,
On the other side.

It's never about me.

I dream of you every day.
I wish I was with you all the time.
I sleep, hoping you'll come to wake me.
So that I'll never wake up.

I want to hold your hands
And kiss your cold, numb lips.
I want to fall with you
Into the nothingness.

Oh, Death.
I wish you would come
Take me away from this place.

I have a baggie of sleeping pills.
I slept for 12 hours straight on them.
But when I wake,
I awaken to my life.
And sigh because I don't
Want to live it.

I fall to the ground
In a family of seeds.
Lying in the soil
Nature meeting my needs

Coming to life
Through the ground I will breach
Growing so fast
To the sun I must reach

On top of my stem
A bud it did form
Soon it will open
The weathers so warm

The time has come
For me to put on a show
I'm going to bloom
And let everyone know

My color is yellow
Like a lemon so sour
Never have I been
Such a beautiful flower

I smell so sweet
A magnet to bees
Just to get a smell
Humans fall to their knees

Soon my flower fades
The show coming to an end
Please don't be sad
It's just nature my friend

Then jack frost sneaks in
Not making a sound
Freezing my body
All the way to the ground

The snow it does fall
Quietly covering everything
Such a wonderful blanket
I think I'll nap till spring

We strolled to a halt in our own space.
We seven, spanned the open pre-dawn park
Prepared in dew.
We gazed up and east with wingless chirps

To where the rustling is neither wind
Nor the highest leaves blowing, but
The laughter of two hours prior--
The bubbling of water and endings--

As it takes my greatest sin to realize
That life is what it is.
We could lie in the grass but
Our taut necks mean/give more

And if we stay long enough,
Stare long enough
Into the faded blue-gold world yet to rise,
Maybe our eyes will never close

And with them our steps
****** forward and away

I sat in the silence of a
Room eight times larger than I know
And I absorbed the six hundred
Empty chairs.

And I wrapped myself in
Miles of white fabric
And learned the feeling of
Sitting on an escalator.

The clean lines and plate-glass sunshine
Of Hermes's aqueduct
A secret passage everyone knows
You cannot fade into floral carpet.

It is a jaunty expression
To consume a length of sub sandwich
While strolling down an ally
Aware you may get mugged.

And over the years I have begun
To believe that teenage girls
Should not have camera phones
With their sneaky minds.

Somewhere along the line I learned
How to think, that silence
Is a virtue and precisely the best
Way to be alone.

I will never forget
The chandeliers of
Trapped Christmas lights
Painted in a warm glow.

Hook your arm in mine to
Stroll upon this concrete
And we will share this half
Gallon of lukewarm milk.