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Bella Nov 2017
God
Is there a correct set of words,
To describe my relationship with God?
Because the words I’ve settled on don’t portray the magnitude of my emotions

Those words begin…

God is there
I know this because of the flowers
The way that earth is balanced
How pine-cones, leaves, and petals follow the Fibonacci sequence.
How the stars make me feel so…
Surrounded
And never bore me
No matter how many hours I stare into the heavens beautiful eyes

I know God is there
But I often don’t see him.
The funny thing is,
I know how wonderful it is to see
and to know him.
So the times I doubt him the most,
Are the times I serve him the most
the time that I strive to create the most disciples

God is a funny being.
We know nearly nothing about him
Yet so many of us know him
And we know him by different names
And different faces
Isn’t that funny?
Isn’t it all so funny?
Bella Nov 2017
Am I the,
Artistic type?
The one who sees the world through a different lens
who turns sounds into colors
and sites in to Smells
into feeling
and two children running are not children running
they’re Happiness
Joy
their giggles turn into Yellow and Pastel Pink
turn to Sunshine
turn to Waking
turn to Serenity
Relaxing on the beach
where you can hear the baby blue and white waves
and see the soft calming sand slipping through your fingers and toes
turning to…

Maybe-- I am the,
Partying type.
Ragers
Dance Grinding
music Pounding
the same beat of our heads
of our bodies
flashing lights
the dark and the heat
Wild
Drinking Screaming
loving one another with our bodies
not caring who it is
because
our bodies don't care
if we are in sync
what is the difference
the same…

What if I'm the,
Frantic type?
the Busy type
Scrambling, Rushing
time is something I don't have Time for
running is my Past
if only I had Passed Time
noise flies by
not looking anywhere but straight
car horns, buildings, wind blowing
the sound of friction across my own skin and the skin of those like me.
that is my Familiarity
Air I do not Breathe
it flows through me.
it hits me and I consume it
I do not Break for it
I cannot Break for it
I…

How about,
the Silent One?
nose in a book,
hearing the voices in the background.
looking up occasionally, to see the others.
see their confusion.
their Hindsight is my Foresight,
I understand what will happen before it does.
because,
I've seen it before,
I can look ahead,
see the outcome,
slow down the world like it's a video in an editing software that I can stop.
Slow down.
Rewind.
Rewatch.
that I can…

Perhaps,
I am all of them.
Perhaps,
it doesn't matter.
I can turn the sounds rushing by me hitting my skin into color
I can separate time into partying and people watching
Both are possible.
life doesn't have to pass in one form,
it can be Technicolor
and Beautiful at the same time.
sound can pass into colors
and life can either Fly
or Pause-- and drag on.
Either way, it's okay--
because it's me.
  Nov 2017 Bella
Lydia
how is it possible to be a person on the days that leave you feeling empty?

why doesn't that count as a good reason for a sick day at work
or a reason to take a break from life
responsibilities
until your soul feels better
or at least a little normal again

how can I be expected to be a mother, a friend, a coworker, anything
when my insides are bending and breaking and my brain is unable to connect the dots

when my hands won't work
and my legs don't feel strong enough to hold my weight
and my mouth forgot how to speak

how can I be a person
when I've forgotten that I'm even alive?
  Nov 2017 Bella
KateKarl
is there any such thing
as too much ink
too many pens
more paper
than the human heart can fill?

the heart does nothing
but pump the blood that is necessary
to fill my fingers
to move
to scrawl too much ink
with too many pens
on more paper
than such a treacherous ***** deserves.

but the heart will get its ink
if it has to bleed dry in order to fill
the pens that it thinks it should have
to defile more paper
than any forest should have to give.

the heart will have what it wants
forests
nibs
and veins
be ******
Any critique is welcome, however harsh.
Bella Nov 2017
Did you know,
Boys from other countries don't think girls have cooties
in 7th grade that sounded great
Because ‘Lee’ Wasn't scared to stand close to me
or admit that he lied to me
okay maybe not all foreign men were like this,
but he was
it made me feel empowered when a boy like me like this
I felt like,
“yeah, I did this to you”
“I have the power to make you feel this way”
“I am that ******* awesome”

You know what else made me feel
“that ******* awesome”
A school dance
or any kind of dancing for that matter
nothing could bring me down from that high

dancing was never a thing reserved for one person
dancing was for friends
Was for anyone I could drag onto the dance floor
Who would move with me
even if the movements are few and far between
even if the movements didn't look pretty at all
we were dancing
and we would all night

‘Lee’ went to that dance
that 7th grade dance
Right after football practice
he came in late
found me on the Dance Floor
captured me
took me hostage
We did not dance
he sat on the bench

he sat way too close, on the bench
The dance was no longer for friends
it was not for dancing
the dance was now for fake smiles
fake laugh
pretending not to be uncomfortable
not to want to shed the layer of skin he was touching
Choking down the icy pop he bought
I don't eat icy Pops

There was no Rescue Mission
only uncomfortable stairs
uncomfortable hugs
Uncomfortable conversations
Uncomfortable,
favorite/not-favorite part of the year

Did you,
know boys from other countries
can intimidate
a girl with the world at the tip of her fingers
A girl with a glass half-full,
heart overflowing,
selfless,
Pure,
Altitude.
Clean,
Mind.

Did you know a boy who isn't scared to Hold Your Hand
isn't scared to make you uncomfortable.
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