It's as if I left you the key
To my heart;
It was under the mat,
And you used the key to rob me
Of all I had;
My dignity.
I try to walk it off,
Holding my head high,
But tears stream down my face
And its hard to look strong
As you're puffy eyed.
My heart hates you,
But my mind won't stop
Reminding me of you,
The way you used to be,
The old you.
Broken, shattered, and torn,
My heart has been thinly worn,
And that might just be all I can handle.
So get a handle of your life,
And I'll try to get one on mine,
But this wont be easy,
Because no matter how hard I try,
I just keep slipping
And asking myself, why.

I told you I'd had it
I told you I'm through
But you knew exactly
What you should do
You listed off names
Of all those that I love
Now how could I possibly
Try and give up?        
You gave me the strength        
You knew that I had
You made my day
So much less bad
I owe you forever
I want you to know
You're always there for me
When I fall below

All they want is to be there for me
But no matter how I try
All of their good wishes
Only ever make me cry.
I need to be alone I say
I only need a day.
Weeks later they return again
And then they wonder, Why?
They coax and smile their pity grins
Telling me to lift my chin.
Things will get better,
I will move on.
But then again I am already
Gone.

written April 14, 2015

"Hiding the pain is becoming harder and harder each day
Why did you have to go away?
Why didn't you want me to stay?
Your claim says 'it's not you it's me'
But if that was the case, things wouldn't be
like this
I can't stop thinking about the times we kissed
And the flirtation between you and I
I just can't cope with this anymore
I can't stop feeling this way inside
I am constantly repressing it
acting like it doesn't matter
But when two people collide, talk for five months every day and then stop
their hearts should shatter
Mine has, like glass thrown on the floor
I have so much love for you, I want to show you more
But you cut me off like a tag on clothing
A quick snip, and we're done - I don't need you anymore
What you didn't know, was I was there for you, to help guide you you and chersh you
And I can't believe you did this to me
All I did was try to be the best to you
Because I love you dearly
This separation is nearly
the breaking point
for me"

written April 5, 2015

"Downing whisky like it's medicine
Downing sleeping pills like it's my life
I need someone to come along and make everything right
My mind is distorted when you're not around
I'm terribly mistaken and constantly feeling down
Most might see me as moved on
Truth is I still haven't grasped that you're gone
It hits me at times when I'm all alone
Or times where I'm out, away from home
But the times that cause the most amount of pain
Is the days where I hear 'he won't change'
Because you were my everything, why can't you see?
I ******* love you Alex
I made that easy to perceive"

written April 20, 2015

"Despiteful
Disdainful
Disrespectful
Distressed
Those that can't comprehend, are those being repressed
Those who only believe what they see and don't perceive that they're deemed to fall into those dreams and realities of those who they call leaders
But we're all cowards
Falling into each others words like lovers falling for each other
Sisters, mothers, and brothers
We're all one
But one does not mean together
When you're a follower
You see,
Our thoughts are twined together as children being fed Spaghettios that spell out the words we are forced fed to believe in
c o r r u p t i o n
Yummy
Yet what are we really entitled to in this life?
A ****** good career, college education, a wife?
What's been said is done and what's been branded into our minds as a life worth living
Is no where close to a life we're living
An office job, long hours, rarely sleeping at night
A beautiful woman by your side, yet no time for the night
Three caring children you adore, yet abhor their ability to block you out
Care free living is all they want
Yet your rules and ridicules are getting in the way of the way they want to be
Care free living is what they see
No curfew and "no tv"
It's obscene
So feed the children plain Cheerios and have them know their opinions are brought up in life
And everything you say is neither wrong nor right
And that the world is not this wonderful place it's brought out to be
Because freedom isn't  quite as free as it may seem"

When you think about it:
We spend the majority of our lives
Behind closed doors.
Whether it is in the privacy of our homes,
Or in our offices, schools, or church.
Most of what we do is hidden from the world.
And you never really think about what
Other people might be dealing with,
But a simple word could have them in tears.
We don't take the time to ask about
Their scars or any defining aspects of their life.
We live in a world of small talk,
And artificial friendships.
Talk to a veteran. Understand.
Find people that you have known for years,
But never truly got to know them.
Many of us don't know each other's full name,
Let alone what takes place in their household,
Or what their financial situation is,
Or why they stopped texting you back.
In reality we assume that we grew apart from them,
Or that they are mad at us; melodramatic.
But their phone service got cancelled because they
Couldn't make the payments,
Or their house got foreclosed and they're embarrassed
To talk about it.
If we consider ourselves to be their friend,
Then we should be there for them in every situation.
Be personable with everyone,
Forgive people who do wrong to you,
Love people; not just some people,
Love everyone.
We spend to much time and energy
Hating people and things.
How many times a day do you say,
"I hate"? And how many times a day
Do you say, "I love"?
That is what is wrong with people today.
Don't forget to pray
To keep it away
Keep the hate away,
Love everyone.
Inhale the future,
Exhale the past.
And pray.