The girl who feels alone in a crowded room.
The girl who fears she'll break soon.

The girl who cries when nobody's around.
The girl who doesn't dare to make a sound.

The girl who fakes a smile to hide how she feels.
The girl who has nightmares that are becoming more real.

The girl who swallows pills by the bottles.
The girl who starves herself to look like the models.

The girl who rewrites a suicide note each wretched day.
The girl who doesn't know how to feel okay.

The girl who could disappear without anyone to realize.
The girl who is hiding behind a disguise.

The girl who is numb and who feels nothing.
The girl who used to be worth something

I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?

It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?

I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?

I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?

It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?

I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?

I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?

I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?

Notice the way I change when you enter the room.
Notice the way you make my lips curl into a smile when you speak to me.
Notice the way your face reflects so handsomely in my brown eyes.
Notice the way my body shudders beneath your touch.
Notice the way I taste on your lips, lust and desire.
Notice the way that I can’t live without you.

Notice the way I change when you leave.
Notice the way I have no smiles left, only frowns.
Notice the way you can’t see a thing through my glassy eyes.
Notice the way that my hip bones poke through my tee shirt.
Notice the way my lips chap and bleed when you kiss me.
Notice the way that I’m dying without you.

Forever is a punishment
That even I once loved.
The thought of being with you
The thought of living with you.

Everything is not as it seems.
I fell in love with a rose,
And didn't realise
The thorns would ***** me.

The path we chose wasn't easy.
We vowed to fight.
Till death do us part,
Till the very end.

Everything seemed right,
Through the rose tinted glasses.
The romance,
The love.

But when reality hits,
And things really change.
The glasses are off
And I see your true face.

You changed,
Like a chameleon
On a branch or a leaf
You changed so much,
That I don't recognise your face

Iv fallen for a monster,
That ***** the life from me.
Yet still I love him so,
How can this be?

If forever is a punishment,
With him I'll tolerate it.
Live through the days of pain,
What will ending it gain?

Forever is a punishment,
That sounds so sweet
The truth behind it all,
I am yet to see.

When I write, I am in my own world. An entire different world.
Putting this world into words to bring it to vitality , where the true me indepth exists.

My thoughts are my enemies, and overthinking is my best companion , joining along with my soul that ignited the two different worlds , as the world inside my head and the world where my unfortunate reality lays , are connected in those writings of mine.

Once I hold my pen, it seems like I could write endlessly for eternity.
The intellectual me is raging for more and more vitality , it's deeply intricate where my thoughts and those worlds meet.

But my thoughts are the biggest cravers for their freedom. And there, in my mind , I live and in words and letters , I expose my true inner self.