aubrey flickinger: Favorites

Sep 2018 aubrey flickinger

Ari

i wish i could have that sweet 16 kind of romance.

kisses that are ardent and chaste
not forced, feeling like a mouthful of nails

hugs that are comforting and soft
instead of repulsive, a cage i violently try to break free of

hands that are holding mine, a loving reminder and consistent warmth
not calloused extremities stealing me by the wrist towards my demise

words that are gentle and sincere (beautiful, talented, queen),
instead of ones described only as ***** (***-****, *****, *****)

intimacy that arrives only if and when i'm ready, youthful and gentle
not ****** onto me years before sweet 16, hardly intimate but instead bluntly illicit

bodies (especially mine) that are unscarred, untainted, unused
not the opposite, crusted in an inscrutable filth impossible to remove

love that is fun and bright, something I can boast to all my friends
not a sickening attraction shrouded in the depths of my mind, only to see the light through poetry written in the early hours...

i wish, i wish, i wish.

i wish i could have that sweet 16 kind of romance!

but i don't.
wishes are just flimsy desires; a tear-soaked plead to the void of night, words on a poem no one may care to read, something i say as i blow out the candles. hopeful and yet, hopeless.

so, i'm still 16. and at least my favorite dessert is sweet. but the romance? ha! my romance is dead; burnt to ashes, like a delicate rose bathed in kerosene and set alight by the burning match of a devil's lust.

Jul 2018 aubrey flickinger

Young

Jul 2018 aubrey flickinger

Salmabanu Hatim

Young

I feel young,
My thoughts are young,
My desires are young,
But, my bones do not agree with them.

Joint pains and severe arthritis do not allow me to enjoy life

#young #bones #arthritis #feel #old

May 2018 aubrey flickinger

Change of Perspective

May 2018 aubrey flickinger

Kyla Duncan

Change of Perspective

I used to think
I broke everything I touched
but then I realized
that wasn't true
it was only that
I was hoarding memories
of all the broken things
and forgetting
that which I'd kept whole.

#perspective #self #personal #depression #anxiety #growth

May 2018 aubrey flickinger

you & i

May 2018 aubrey flickinger

Keira

you & i

the ocean waves crash in and out
          in and out
                              in
                      and
              out
on a loop
            loop
               loop
                  loop
repeat after repeat repeat repeat
         again and again and again and again
a force pushes them
            a force pulls them
                                     push                  pull
                                          push          pull
                                             push     pull
                                                pushpull
like clockwork
like a magnet
-you & i

#you #me #love #ocean #magnet #pull #force #clock #crash

Dec 2017 aubrey flickinger

Wander

Dec 2017 aubrey flickinger

kay

Wander

I wander when I'm alone.
I walk for as long as I can.
I've gone miles before
Gotten lost, even.
I get lost a lot.
I feel better when I'm lost.
Losing myself physically helps me feel less bad
About losing myself mentally.
You know?
I like storms for that reason.
I can walk out in a thunderstorm and be lost to the world for a while.
And drown in the rain.
And it's wonderful.
People never suited me, not really.
I love my friends.
My family is important to me.
I'm sure I could become dependent of one person's fancy if I chose to.
But wind
And water
And ice
And loss
And the smell of the sea beating the rocks into sand.
Those are the things I need more.
So I wander.
I wander for miles sometimes.
I get lost a lot.
It makes me feel better.
You know?

#wander #non-rhyming

Dec 2017 aubrey flickinger

Wandering

Dec 2017 aubrey flickinger

Nicole Dawn

Wandering

If you wander off
The beaten path
Alone
Then you are
A lost hiker

If you wander off
The beaten path
With friends
Then you are
Adventurers

*It's too bad I'm always alone

I'm so lost....

#friends #sad #adventure #lost #friend #wander #path

Sep 2017 aubrey flickinger

Withered Flower

Sep 2017 aubrey flickinger

Claire Donaldson

Withered Flower

Maybe I'm overthinking,
but I feel as if I'm sinking,
headed into some downward spiral.
The flowers in my garden, are not being well kept.
and I'm not willing to accept...
myself for who I truly am.
I'm beginning to intercept...
new feelings and new emotions.
I'm beginning to walk on ,
new territory, new ground.
I've found,
all the bits and pieces,
and I always put them back in the wrong places.
Then I wear all these new faces,
and I become brainwashed to my identity.
Who I am as a human.
Gone.
Within the milliseconds of silence between steps when your feet don't touch the floor.
At that moment, I realized I wanted more.
Because I was feeling emptied and drained.
All this **** I've contained...
and held within me,
is forcing its way out.
So I tear off all my masks,
knowing I'm risking failure.
Without them, I'm left faceless.
It's a long and drawn out process...
of becoming.
Because when a new feature,
blends with your human creature,
your soul
starts to feel whole.
I no longer feel like a hostage in my own skin.
I'm starting to break in,
hour by hour,
no longer a Withered Flower!!

Jun 2017 aubrey flickinger

Six.

Jun 2017 aubrey flickinger

Emma

Six.

He hides a small birthmark that has the shape of a whale on his upper thigh that he treasures. I think that's why he's always loved the ocean.

2. He is like winter: cold and distant for a while but then slowly melts away. He'll be silent for days, but don't worry...he will come back in time.

3. He'll say "I miss you" in the dead of night, in the cold of winter, in the break of dawn or in the heat of the summer. He will drop it like a bomb and it'll shatter your bones but remember he's not yours to hold forever.

4. He will want you to hug him and he will want it so bad that he will ask you to do it. Please don't ever turn this opportunity down, you will never want to know the pain of not feeling his warmth.

5. His love will feel like a forest fire but it'll leave trails of ash when it's gone. Learn to deal with the burn as you enjoy the heat.

6. You will swim oceans for him and reach for the moon but sometimes even that will not be enough.

It may never be enough.

#love #him #s