astro eyes: Favorites

Dec 2017 astro eyes

5 seconds

Dec 2017 astro eyes

ky

Five seconds
The amount of time it takes for you to hide the way you feel
Five seconds
How long it takes for me to believe your feelings are real
Six seconds
Hiding the feelings that you just let slip through
Because after those five seconds are up
You leave me feeling hopelessly confused
And I’ll admit that ever since,
My mind hasn’t stopped thinking
About you.
[That’s what a mere five seconds will do.]

#feelings #confused

Oct 2017 astro eyes

Stargazers

Oct 2017 astro eyes

BR

Stargazers

You and I,
buried beneath the coruscated winter sky
In taciturn stillness,
half-enraptured by the unmasked glory,
and half by the unasked in the others eyes.

There is no time to hold us;

There is no other moment.

Volatile, visible breaths,
The almost- touch of our fingertips,
and the quiet intimacy of our insignificance against the endless, open sky.

You,
My darling,
and I.

#love #romance #relationship #stars #nature #beauty

Oct 2017 astro eyes

But He Never Hit Me

Oct 2017 astro eyes

Angela Rose

But He Never Hit Me

He made sure I knew just how lucky I was to have him
But he never hit me
He played games with my emotions repeatedly
But he never hit me
He made sure I didn’t leave the house in a skirt above the knees
But he never hit me
He knew the words to say to make me feel so small that I could not breathe
But he never hit me
He tossed me in and out, in and out, until my mind was in an out of control tizzy
But he never hit me
He messed around on the side late at night while I rested in our bed
But he never hit me
He made it clear that I wasn’t to go out at night with the girls
But he never hit me
He told me over and over again just how hard it would be to find anyone else to deal with me
But he never hit me
He fell asleep safe and sound as I laid in bed trying to catch my breath through tears
But he never hit me
He needed to have the password to every device, app and account
But he never hit me
He knew the power he held and used it over my head to weaken me
But he never hit me
He made jokes at my expense in front of friends and family and we all giggled together instead of cringed
But he never hit me
He assured me the women he texted were coworkers or colleagues but I could never know what they spoke of
But he never hit me
He made it clear that my interests and goals were not of pertinence
But he never hit me
He knew the exact words to say to take my entire day downhill
But he never hit me
He broke my heart over and over and over again until it was minuscule shreds
But he never hit me

If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse please contact 1-800-799-7233 this is the national domestic abuse hotline. Abuse can happen to anyone, man or woman. It does not make you weak to seak help. <3

#trigger #warning #abuse #emotional #power #struggle #tired #pain #sadness #weak

Oct 2017 astro eyes

True Self

Oct 2017 astro eyes

Kenneth R Jenkins

True Self

I cannot hide my true self
For my true self is who I am
For who I am is my true self.

Why must I destroy myself?
But bleach my body
Destroying my skin
Killing of my true self.

And must I please myself
Tease myself
Satisfying myself
Until it comes down to
Being myself
Not fooling myself
Me.
Myself and I
Then to think
It's better for myself
No matter what.
Cheat myself
Beat myself
Lie to myself
But not be myself
Of whom I am
And whose I am---
It's a sad case
A sad case indeed
To not work on myself
For there to betterment of myself
And not poison myself
Until I die and shrink
Shallow up
Disappear
Gone
Swell up
Bust right open
Like a raisin.
****!
Pow!
Ssssssss!
But I got to be true to myself
For who I am
And all that I am going to be
And yet stay true to myself
For me and nobody
Else
Me
With beautiful self--
ME!
Myself
My true self
I love.

#krjenkins

Oct 2017 astro eyes

The Year After

Oct 2017 astro eyes

tragedies

The Year After

Happy anniversary.

Can you believe
That it’s been a year?
I can still feel the first time,
Your hands danced on mine,
A soft presence, almost shy.
I could barely pay attention
To the film playing on television
Because there, right beside me,
A story was already unfolding,
One that was far more fascinating
Than any other mystery.

And it was.
Here we are, a year later,
The story continues to be
The most gruelling mystery
Of two people ceasing to be,
Of you & I never becoming we,
Instead, a strange, foreign word
To each other’s vocabulary.
I thought we both saw ourselves
In this picture perfect future:
Lying together on crumpled sheets,
Watching Sherlock on repeat,
Reading poetry and drinking coffee,
A state of being indescribably
Happy.

We were never meant to be that.
Only a manuscript tossed in the trash.
We loved too little, and bled too much,
Too proud to break the silence.
Too scared to end the sentence.
So let’s scrap the ending,
And go back to the beginning:

Happy anniversary.

10.14.17

#love #loss #regret #broken #relationship #lost

Oct 2017 astro eyes

You.

Oct 2017 astro eyes

---

You.

When you are not near me
  I question where you are.

        When your messages do not find me until late
                  where are they going?

                                   Do they find a home with someone else?
                                            Or do they stay safe with you?

                                                                       When you are not here
                                        staring at me with those golden caramel eyes

                                 I can't help but wonder
                               where else they might be.

                                              Do they stay on one path?
                      or do they wander the world
                                      hungry with curiosity?

#love #fear #alone #fixme #imsorry

Oct 2017 astro eyes

Weakened

Oct 2017 astro eyes

woolgather

Weakened

I write this with little force,

Autocorrect guiding my words;

Inhalers keeping this curse at bay,

Blades making blood flow.

I think of now with little hope,

Without a saving grace;

I think of now, a pitch-black room

With no one there but my demons.

Flurry of words seem to gush out of me,

As I hyperventilate;

Grief grows larger as they don't notice,

As these fingers grow numb.

I don't know how much I'll last,

Might as well collapse,

No matter how much I say I'll die,

I'll just live some time again.

But now it's worse.

.. .heoollp mded

Oct 2017 astro eyes

Cycled

Oct 2017 astro eyes

woolgather

Cycled

I'm here again,

It's me.

Again with many words,

Few messages.

A voice so loud,

Yet inaudible;

A resolve so strong,

Yet so spineless.

Again I'm overthrown by my weakness,

Again I turn to my drugs.

I wish that'd be the worse part of it all.

I lay at the couch half-sleeping, half-awake,

I lay my head down, I lay as my body ache,

I lay down and to there I see

A hand pulling mine;

Thrashed to the lobby.

Found me at the bathroom,

Still with breath cut short,

Left to me was rapport I hope so much to abort;

Body left helpless, body failed a last resort.

Now I write, barely sleeping, barely awake,

Life threw with everything at stake;

I can never unfeel the unspeakable things you've done,

I can never remove the handprints you have left upon me;

I can never undo the chaos you have left to run,

I will never forgive how you moved me.

Breath cut short,

Innocence left shorter.

Once. More.

I RegRet Not StAnding UP To Defend MysElf.

Now it's gotten much worse.