Theyll never know.
They dont see me for who i am.
They see the version of me that they want to see
Smiling and happy
Laughing and bubbly
Sometimes it makes me sick.
But despite it all
I go back to them everyday
With the same old mask plastered on my face
And pretend im happy.
I do it for them.
I do it for everyone.
They dont need to see the real me, because
They might leave if they did.

Im fine

Thats what i say
Thats what they want to hear, right?
They want to hear that im ok
When they ask, they dont want to know the real answer
When they talk to me, they want a lighthearted conversation, a chat about the weather or something else trivial
They dont want to talk about my issues
Problems
Episodes
Pain
They say
None of that!
Dont be so serious!
Why do you feel so sad?
Why dont you get help?
Im busy.
I cant talk right now.
I cant deal with you.
Why do you do this to yourself?!
Stop it!

Im fine

Thats what i say to myself
Thats what i want to hear
I want to believe it
I want it to be true
But its not
The truth is that im broken
Inside and out

Oh Darling,
Get ready,
I think
I found
my
self

Someday I will find
a way to cut every part
of you out of me

I'm standing outside
under your star in the sky
please don't fade away

it has been a while
since I've written anything worthy
and it has been quite a while
since we last talked.
Perhaps these factors are related-
all I know is that I wrote
some of my favorite pieces
when we kept each other up-
when you were still in my life.

a fragment of you
still lodged somewhere in my heart
bleeding with each beat