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I am too tired
To say something worthwhile
So let me not speak.
My fingers hurt from writing,
My pencil is wearing on me;
I'm tired of constantly scribbling—
I wish I could type everything.
Words just escape me
I'm not sure why, but I feel
Kind of breathless here.
:P
Oh my word...oh me
I woke up at five instead
Of six. How on earth.
He told me today
That I looked pretty; I guess,
Well, maybe I was. :)
The fact that he said "You look pretty today" and that I knew he was only a friend, was sure of that, only made what he said feel more honest...and then today I didn't even feel "pretty" as we define it, like I was wearing a t-shirt instead of something more close and I wasn't wearing even mascara, and it really struck me. But now I think I'm starting to see that my beauty doesn't depend on my outward appearance---sometimes, that distracts from my inner beauty. I'm a child of God, and that is who I am, not what society says or what magazines say I should look like. It seems so simple to just "not care" about how I look, but it's actually something I've been fighting recently. I never thought I would. It's funny what being around people my own age does (plus a breakup that's left me kind of unstable). But I think I like not wearing makeup or shirts outside my comfort zone better than self-consciousness, wondering if anyone thinks I'm doing it for attention.

I think I'm starting to be free.
Again and again
The ostinato repeats
It's stuck in my head.
He said that I looked
Pretty, as a compliment
But it made me doubt;
I felt that he shouldn't have
It made me feel insecure.
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