If you could read my mind,
I swear to god it would make you
cry.

We took to the streets --
the spotty-lit streets and drizzle-covered sidewalks
without worries and doubts
living the night on high.

Because you were the ones I wanted in my life
always and forever, through thick and thin
and hours of wine drinking until our laughs grew hoarse.
That's all I could ever want, and that's all I'll ever need.

If only you'd bless me with your company,
a soft touch of my hair, maybe
or even just a glance into those forgiving eyes,
I know we did things we don't want to think about
but can't we just keep the past at bay?
I hope you can understand that I would give anything
just to have you in my life once more.

I knew that if I
let the blood run dry
from the slit you left
on my wrist
I'd be free.

I watch as the white lights shine on
down that freeway, flying by exit signs
with no sense of direction
except on the way to you
and a smile that could light up a room
and eyes as endless as the sea
and with arms stretched wide
just waiting, waiting for me.

I spent this year as a ghost
the kind that lingers in corners
watching time pass by and by

I spent the winter writing poems
about getting better, but I've still
been here alone so many times

But I'm done with all that ****
and I'm coming out swinging
and I'm turning my back on the past.

I'm sure I'll miss
the long twilight walks
and the ol' diner dashes
and the way your hair fell into your eyes
but there will be others
and there will be moments
just like these
with another someone.

So I don't know if I'll ever get over you,
but I sure as hell am going to try.

My heart is shattered and splintered
it is bruised and battered
it is lacking the one thing that
any human needs most --
a love so strong and pure
that the stars couldn't match
the light that shined from inside us.

You never told me why and I didn't care. I just wanted you gone.

We rode the night
like the back of the wind
high on incense and adrenaline
skating through alleys and street signs

The sky lay dark and glittery
as if it were covered in cheap jewelry
like the earrings that hanged from my lobes
that your lips touched when you kissed my neck

It was a night to remember
with the person you love
without one **** to be given
except about this moment.

She had this sense of fluency, that she moved through stages with ease. All that she did, it seemed easy. But in all honesty she struggled, just like every other ******* person on this Earth but she never let it get to her because she knew she'd crumble away. She feared losing herself to things like love and lust and fate. She saw how others drowned in feelings too strong to overcome. She shielded herself for many years, guarding her heart and hiding. Until she met this gentleman so calm, composed, residing. She, with hesitation, gave this one man a chance for she saw nothing but goodness inside the depths of his blue eyes. And so she did and regretted nothing and feared no longer of what the future had in store for she learned she had more control than any of the Gods combined to mark her own destiny one step at a time.

To write poetry
is to shatter the heart and
choose only one piece.

My body is the
temple where both love and hate
reside in turmoil.

My inspiration
lacks due to the absence of
your chest against mine.

You make me insane
just by the sound of your voice
when you say my name.

Love matters 'cause if
the world tried to live without
life would lack meaning.

I could feel ribs break
from inside my heaving chest
as you kissed her lips.

Let me taste your lips
and the softness of your skin
as day turns to night.

I see nothing but
galaxies and galaxies
locked deep in your eyes.

"What is left if you
don’t want to live inside the
skin that makes you sick?”

What a joy it is
to know that for once in some time
life will really be okay.

You crashed into me,
and as we sunk to the depths
you brought the world too.

There is a point to
all that I am doing and
it's always for you.

It pains me to say
it's been so long that I can't
remember your eyes.

I can still taste the
blackened ash on my burnt lips
left by three coarse words.

I would rather feel
the harsh sting from your silence
than nothing at all.

Somehow I must learn
to forgive myself for all
the choices I can't make.

Oh no, you came back to haunt me
you're in the cracks in my soul
you've scratched through the walls I built
to keep you out, to keep you out
Oh, I wish I could've kept you out.

I kind of miss way back
when you and I were
just us and everyday,
everyday was only ours.

You stood out like
every mishap does
and I could never regret you.
(Just open your eyes.)

I shall say goodbye for at least a little while for I have lost purpose in this site. I no longer look forward to mail in my inbox or posting my deepest feelings for the public to read. If ever I do get these joys back I shall return to Hello Poetry with open arms. But until then I say adieu.

I can taste the iron
that lingers in my mouth
as my veins beg for
the hilt of the knife
to press down and release
the pain that lays inside
my overflowing arms
with nightmares and memories
that are too far embedded in my soul
that they will no longer allow me
to live, so I must die.
It’s the only way to save what’s
left of me.

You ripped my soul right
from my lonely, hollowed chest
yet gave nothing in return.

I said to her bleakly,
"Honey, there's no space for you anymore."
She collapsed my cabinets of memories
locked in my mind
and made a mess out of the images
that once stole my heart
and the tears drowned out
every last bit of emptiness I had inside me
so I had to say goodbye,
so long,
and thanks for dying for me.

She's got jade in her eyes
and amber in her hair
and pearls in her smile
and skin of porcelain

She smells of honeysuckle and rosemary
and tastes of licorice and mint
and feels like the smooth side of my pillow
as she rests her head on my neck

And if I could ask for one thing in this world
it would be to have her by my side
from this day forth and forevermore
'til heaven and earth collide.

She wants to see the naked parts of your soul,
the places where nobody roams.
There must be something there
that keeps such a precious heart beating.

"Just let me in," she says
as her head rested on his chest
for she longed for quite some time
to know why he guarded his heart so.

Not a moment went by where she lacked hope
that one day this brown-eyed boy would let her in
all she needed was the patience,
the patience before he'd give in.

How dare you treat me
like a petal on a flower
that lays there begging for your light
and cannot live in your shade
and once the seasons change
as if you're changing your mind
I fall to the ground
with the tears that fall from the sky?

I took a walk near the lake today
and the sun shined on my face
and the waves sparkled like teal glitter
and I could hear the seagulls laughing
and I smiled because it was the first time
in a long time that I had felt pure, relaxed joy
and it wasn't because of you.

I often find myself
stuck in the what ifs and the should'ves
because for the longest time
those moments were better than reality
I would miss the days where you and I
would spend hours with each other
doing God knows what
and I didn't care if those moments
were no longer mine.

However,
my life was consumed by these old haunts
and I was drowning in hopes of getting them back
and if I hadn't spoken to you one last time
or wrote that first poem about you
after years of silence
maybe I could've grown out of this phase.
I no longer can live in the past
because there's a reason it left me a long time ago.

I want to write poetry but all I can do is relive old memories and hope for unhopeful moments. How can I unteach the words you've taught me or unfeel the touch of your hands or unsee the flecks of light in your eyes or undo everything that once was between us? If I can learn how to make this happen maybe I could find a new muse.

Why aspire to be stardust
when you can be the
iron that creates it;
the element that causes
explosions of the largest stars
and resilience that holds the
whole universe together?

God, there are so many things I want in life but they feel so out of reach, I feel so trapped in a cage that has no way of escape. I'm suffocating under the weight of this heartbreaking world that I don't know how to fix.

God, it feels like lately all I've done is question your ability to put my life on the straight and narrow, to make all bad things good and pure again, and with justification. I feel as if I've suffered day in and day out for things that are beyond my control and completely with your capabilities to mend.

You "gifted" me with an illness that eats away at my insides, that tears at my already faltering soul that is hardly strong enough to fight back. I am pained every day with the fear of isolation and rejection if anyone were to ever know my true self. Some days I just feel that Hell can't be any worse than this.

All I ask, all I've ever asked, is that you help me understand why I must suffer in such an unbearable way and why I must be the only one to know what it's like, why I must be alone in this. Because, God, I swear sometimes I feel that you have no idea what it's like to be me and to feel the hate that you've given me because I must hide the one thing you find so beautiful in me from the rest of the world.

Dear God,

I know you've tried your hardest to heal me, to rid me of my wounds that have been caused by all of the trials in my life, but they still hurt. I ask you this, are they always going to hurt? Will I forever faintly feel this pain? Because I cannot stand the constant reminder of my mistakes nor can I stand the afflictions caused by the ones who once cared for me. I wish and pray for you to continue to be a beacon of light in my life and to shed wisdom and answers to my questions. I just feel so fogged and lost. I want to find my path again.

Psalms 31:3
*For You are my rock and my fortress; For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

I've been trying to come to terms
with the way life is --
its ups and downs
twists and turns
and all the spaces in between
that I can't control --
and I have no idea whether to
accept that this is the way
life is or find a way to
change me.

I miss the taste of moonlight on your skin.

It's been awhile
since I've seen your face
in all that it is --
your inviting dimples,
the flecks of gold in your eyes,
the pinkish tones in your lips
-- and I can't take much more of it.

I've lost the words to
say how I feel to someone
who no longer listens.

I loved you to the point of ruin
but instead you filled my lungs with ash.

The goodness that I once saw inside you keeps drifting farther away and I cannot grasp it. You're falling through my fingertips, I'm losing faith in what we have. I don't know what you're doing right or what I'm doing wrong but I can swear to you that I will not give up my chances to make you work in my life. You brought happiness to it once, you brought excitement to it as well and I'd like to think I did the same for you. Oh, how I wish we could talk like we once did with your "hello miss" and my "good night sir." But now it's like ripping nails from a piece of plywood except they're flattened into your hands forbidding you to type and send me a simple hello. That's all I ask for to help cure my insanity. I don't want to hover or mislead or make you feel obligated. I just want us to be us again; the fun-loving, carefree, get-caught-by-the-cops-making-out us we once were. Please do that for me.

I can't tell if I'm sad
or lonely
or angry
or lost
because life has been
so cruel
merciless
smoldering
that I fall weak at the knees
unable to withstand the weight
that it has cast upon my
breaking, brittle bones.