This ones for you,
and everything you do.
Everything you've done to me,
i must remind you.
Now that it's over and it will never be again,
when you read this youll finally know the chaos in my head.
You want to say I'm not ****, that you deserve better,
but that's just an understatement
cause whos better than better?
I taught you everything you know &  made you everything you are today. Where's my thank you ?
Yet here you are throwing dirt on my name is that to save you,
from the truth behind it all ?
to make you look like you did nothing wrong ?
Let me remind you how much you'd say that I should let the past go,
but it was hard to let it go bc you ****** her in the same bed you ****** me in, a time ago.
& called me up as the rebound, because she no longer wanted you
& you knew I didn't have any knowlege about it, had no clue. Remember when you went behind my back,
and had drinks with girls you knew I wouldn't consider friendly
& you didn't have the courage or the guts to even tell me?
Let's not forget about the fights,
how you'd let yourself get too encountered with my friends & act like that **** wasn't in my sight.
Then we'd argue for hours because id tell you & ask if youd be okay with it,
if i did to you the same **** like this?
Dont forget the times we'd get physically agressive, & not in the best way,
leaving me bruises on my skin,
& on your arms my fingers left you scratches,
to remind us what pain is.
So before you get to talking,
about what kind of pain i brought you,
don't you forget about the ****
you yourself caused,
I wasn't the only one,
It wasnt just my fault,
& I hope that when you read this,
If you read this, you applaud.

the only time I find myself writing
is when
I'm drinking,
thinking about you,
falling into sadness,
thinking about you,
at my happiest wishing I was near you.

So this is what heartache feels like?
Like that time you were eight & you lost your favorite toy,
or the time your best friend moved 1200 miles away from you to leave it all behind.
No not at all.
The only similarity is the feeling after you lose it all.
Heartache is much more
deeper,
unsettling,
and dark.
It feels like youre the only one in a black hole full of hopelessness
and it's caving in on you.
everythings caving in on you at once.
& your mouth is wide open
trying mercifully to scream something
anything at all but nothing is coming out.
Your fingers ****** from the scratching on your skin
trying to write the words "Save Me",
like your insides are being ripped out through your mouth.
& all they do is stare.
& watch,
for your insides match your out.

He never once didn't tell me I was his pretty little thing,
let alone show me,
especially when we found ourselves in the bedroom.
Pinned against the wall,
I was tense,
gazing into his eyes.
His hand gripped firmly around my throat,
for he knew I was fond of getting rough.
And he liked it.
How he liked the way my eyes lit up,
the way I bit my lip,
when he knew he was in control of me.
My body belonged to him.
Every part of me had his name drawn on it,
marked on it.
His mouth caressed my neck,
I could feel him taking deep breaths,
his hand slowly revealing what was underneath my dress.
I wrapped my arms around him,
and kissed him like it was my last.
He gripped my waist and lifted me off the ground and twirled me in a circle,
throwing me onto the bed.
He slowly spread my thighs apart,
revealing my own heaven,
for I was an angel,
his angel indeed.

You want to know what it feels like to be
broken,
broken isn't even the word to describe it,
shattered,
shattered heart,
shattered feelings,
shattered me.
3 AM drunk in the bathroom,
mascara running down my face,
thoughts of all the ways I could **** myself in this very moment.
But I'm already dead.
You have already killed me,
with the way you said you don't love me anymore.
You don't love me you say?
What about the time I brought you sunflowers just because I loved the way your eyes lit up once you caressed them in your arms,
or the time I blindfolded you,
and brought you the ocean,
and made you smell the fresh breeze of the sea because I told you the scent reminded me of you.
Was that not enough?
I gave you the world,
and what I got in return was the pain that struck me when you told me you didn't love me.

I remembered him clearly,
the waves of his hair,
when it blew in the wind,
told a story.
His lips,
god his lips,
sanely soft when I caressed mine over his.
He was the kind of man that every woman
searched for,
the kind you think is within an arms reach,
but when you reach out to grasp,
slips between the cracks of your fingers.
And like a trophy,
he was something to look at,
but not something to touch.
He left marks on souls.
the kind where you longed for more of him,
the kind you feel empty without.
And when it's over,
you're left alone,
with the unsettling memory of him.

I believed you were the one,
till the day I remember
you told me I no longer suited you.
That I was no longer your rose,
no longer your girl.
I woke up to you that morning,
threw my arm on your side of the bed
to search for you,
and you kissed it.
You told me to wear that red sundress you liked,
that was your favorite.
You couldn't keep your hands off me that day.
You said you wanted to take me on an
adventure,
where the wild things are,
and you said I was your wild thing.
We laughed, and we danced, and we ****** all night.
And I wish I could live every second of it again.
except the end.
You told me this was no fairy tale,
and that I needed to wake up.
That I no longer suited you,
that you weren't in love.

I didn't have to make it official to know who you belonged to.
Where you longed to.
Every morning, you'd roll over and I'd notice how well the sun shined down on you, creating a glow on your skin,
as if you were an angel.
It wasn't till then I realized you were the one I've been longing for.
The one I've been praying for.
It's been you.
And if they ask who you are,
I tell them you're the one.

3 in the morning my mind is on you,
wandering wildly,
thoughts of fear
thoughts of worry
thoughts of the you.
Knowing that the sound of your voice grows flowers in my heart,
as mine doesn't do the same for you.
But yet you choose to ignore me,
push me to the side,
then when you're lonely,
say 'you're mine',
treat me like I'm not yours,
am i not yours?

I've been studying your body language,
the way your knees shake,
when I touch you.
the way your eyes fill with intensity,
when I look at you.
The way you bite your lip,
I can tell that you want me to kiss you,
very hard,
very long,
very fierce.

Never knew how the moon felt
when it left the sky
for the sun to shine
until I became the moon,
and you the sun.
I'd always whisper,
"love you more than those ******* before"
and you'd reply,
"love you more than those other *******"
but I was left behind,
and you were on a ride to wonderland,
where the girls who fall in love with angels aren't invited.
You were my angel.
And I was your past.

The way he looked at her,
was the way every girl wanted to be looked at.
He admired her beauty,
adored her sense of humor,
danced with her demons,
loved her like a burning flame,
He loved her
and
everything she came with.

I noticed when you stopped loving me.
Your smile became faint,
You no longer held me in your sleep.
Your attention wasn't given to me.
I shook hands with the distance you created between us.
Your phone became more important than the girl lying next to you,
Trying to adore you.
I was she.
You made time for everything but me,
Except for when you wanted to **** me,
You'd call me.
I noticed your changes and I let them be.
You don't love me,
You don't love me,
in my head i repeat.

I remember that it hurt,
to see you hurt.
The destruction he caused,
cursed your self-being.
Once a lovely flower,
but now a lonely ****.
Your eyes tell stories of the complete
chaos he put you through.
I sit,
and I read you.
Over and over.
Discovering your lost hopes by
each ****** expression,
each body movement,
And yet your silent.
Lost in a nightmare.
Reminiscing about the memories he left you behind to cry with.
And all I can do is sit,
and watch you pick up the pieces
he shattered of you.

I loved you more than you ******* deserved.
But it wasn't enough.
I let you wrap your hands around my aching heart and squeeze it till it crumbled into pieces.
I begged you to love me the way I loved you.
You were busy keeping secrets from me,
and I was busy trying to give you the world.
You always told me I was your favorite girl,
but I was only your favorite girl when you were intoxicated and I let you **** me.
You bruised me,
you took advantage of me,
you left marks on my soul.
*******.
You never deserved me.
I still smell you in my sheets,
and it hurts,
and it makes me so angry that
I want to burn them.
I regret letting you in,
expressing every weakness I endured
and
promising me to kiss me all over when I needed you too.
But,
I promise it won't happen again.
After all you left me a pile of dust,
lost in the wind.

It turns me on to see you turned on.
I love the way you look turned on,
peaceful yet chaotic,
all in one.
Your body tense as my hands wander along every curve,
your toes curled up in my sheets urging me to go forth,
your face smothered in my pillow to silent your screams,
your legs spread wide open,
wet,
welcoming me in.

It's been months,
filled with complete destruction.
I'm still ******* crying,
begging myself to stop forming a mountain of emotions in the pit of my stomache,
weighing me down.
I don't think you ******* know how much of you has become part of
my sadness,
my soul,
my life.
It's as if you knew the moment you laid your eyes on me,
I craved your strength.
Oh how I miss your touch,
running your fingers on the cracks
of my porcelin body.
How could you leave me ******* helpless?
You left marks in places of agony that grew flowers only by your slightest touch.
I still solemly desire your angelic lips to be pressed against mine again,
I reminise about the way you saved me.
And all the memories that lead up to this point.
Now you're watching me ******* drown in the middle of an ocean of unspoken words and you're no longer reaching out to grab me,
you have selfishly left me to fend on my own.
I guess this is how it feels to be abandoned by someone,
I just hoped it hadn't been you.

'I want to explore your body, every bit that's been longing.'
She put my hands on her knees
and said,
'Let your hands do the talking.'

I want to know you.
The inner depths of your preeminent soul.
The catastrophy of thoughts that reigns your mind.
The inner galaxy of emotions that consumes you every night.
What excites you?
Moves you?
What makes you feel alive?

"The way I **** will leave you speechless,
stretched out in my sheets,
legs cringing,
body craving for more..."
She licked her lips and replied,
"Show me."

She laughed,
'I'm not the kind of woman you marry and make love to with flowers on the bed, I'm the kind of woman you cheat on your wife with and **** the life out of with my wrists tied to the bed.'

Boys.
An emotional distraction.
Full of **** and unholy intentions.
He will force the idea into your mind that he is not like the rest, but has three other mistresses he's telling the same thing to.
He will take you on moonlight dates and pretend to adore you, but will leave you stretched out on the bathroom floor wishing you hadn't let him ruin your mascara.
He will make undescribable love to you, but will desire and crave for the body of another.
He will sweetly tell you he has fallen in love with your soul, but will cut open the depths of your heart while you're still breathing.

kissing is harmless,
it's when he's gripping your thighs and you've got your hand down his pants that it becomes dangerous.

He whispered,
'I'm the type to write love letters with my tongue between your thighs..."