The desperate search,
For some familiar earth.

The rise of the uncontrollable,
Until we resort to the toll of will,

The anxious blade,
Is the friend we made.

In our trying times,
That made tunnels of our eyes.

When our dice fall upon the zero,
There's no telling where we'll go,

Except to our secret place,
Where we've hidden our friendly blade.

Pain to distract from pain,
Just another color in our endless rain.

Ashamed of what we've done,
The scars we bear,
Are proof that we've won.
Because we were there.

Because we're still here.

For the memories of those who aren't,
Now would warrant a graceful tear.

For our brothers and sisters in arms,
and the arms who've bled,
we're the ones who know...

Just how strong we are.

You've made it this far,
There's no telling where you'll go

~Robert van Lingen

The formalities which we call normality,
Would bring others to tears,
As if we don't...
But we do.

Silently,
To ourselves,
We allow our minds to scream in our eyes,
If only because we have no other option.

Gracefully we strip away our minds until all that's left,
Is who we think we are,
All to this, though we are never satisfied.

With a straight face,
We release our streams of tears,
And allow no one to see the hells we face.

Our needlessly numbing mind drags on,
Our nemesis in ourselves,
But we can't tell a soul.

"It's not that hard."
"Just think positive thoughts."
and the best,
"I could do it, why can't you?"

They think us lazy,
When all our energy is spent fighting ourselves.

But,
Here,
We find our kin,
Where we extend our silent sympathies,
With the written words,

I understand.

Lay the sandbags.

Endless streaming torrent of thoughts,
Carve a new path.

The mind river in which I flail,
But cannot drown.

Leads me to run the anxious mile,
Which never ends.

can you promise me
that you won’t commit suicide.
so there will be a
          slight chance that you’ll
          inhabit my future.
we could do amazing things together.
                    (...make happy memories and
                    have fights that will be made up…)
it’ll be a great story to tell our children—
          (a great story indeed).
i promise that you’ll be satisfied—
          (you’ll be satisfied).
i don’t care about the hugs and kisses.
                    (...that’s not love…)
          (definitely not love.)
love is being with who makes you happy.
          (you make me very happy).
i promise that you’ll be happy—
          (i’ll make a million promises).
                    (...that will be kept…)
but can you promise that there will be a future.
          for there to be a future,
          you must stay alive.
                    (...don’t die, i love you…)