please leave me alone
to walk these pathways solo
I was hoping you wouldn't notice
but I think you already know

I know I have problems
and I'm trying to fix them
but what words can be enough
for a desire to even say them

for every time I open my mouth
I wish that I had closed it
remembering the times I messed things up
and the disappearing moments

I give far too much
and I know that I shouldn't
cause I have nothing left to give
so at least I know I'm used to it

throw the page away
so you can make the same mistakes
tear the edges so it frays
i just want my hand to fade

If the world fell apart,
Would we have made it this far,
If things were done different,
Would you still be in my arms?

I exposed myself for you,
Just to feel my old scars,
I guess nothing has changed,
You're still a friend of the dark.

If the skies faded to red,
While I lay there and bled,
Would you treat me as your enemy,
Walk away to leave me for dead?

have you learned how to cope,
when you're left all alone?
the world has faded beneath our feet,
all that is left of it is you and me.

I don't want to lose you,
while I try to hold on,
my heart is heavy from the pain,
so can you just stay?

you're the only one left,
who's been by my side.
everyone leaves in the end,
no matter how hard I try.

to "stay in touch" or just "text them often"
but it doesn't matter don't you see,
they don't have much time to spend,
and they sure as hell don't want to spend it with me.


hell, I've thought it over and over,
about how much I'm a burden.
she doesn't even want to spend 5 mins,
in this world I'm just a ghost, that I'm certain.

sometimes I feel like you're dead to me
you're merely a face from long ago that use to comfort me
and...
tell me everything would be alright.

why do I keep coming back to you?
holding on to the hope of seeing you again,
when you're smiling, breathing...
returning to that beauty I used to know.
back then, it was so unfamiliar.
the sound of being so close, that unwanted feeling.

now you are the one who is unfamiliar to me.
have you changed, were you a different person then?
was I close friends with a ghost,
whose hands I could not reach....
was it all simply an illusion?

why am I here? why are you here?
do I miss you... or....
do I miss... the old you?
the version of yourself that died long ago?

maybe things have changed too quickly,
and I've failed to catch up,
you have focused on yourself,
while I was wrapped up in my thoughts.

I don't know why I keep coming back to you,
or why I can't let go.
why is it so difficult?
just....
why?

all I know at this point,
all I've ever known is,
I was closer with you than anyone else... even more than her.
and when I cried in front you,
that created something special, a sort of bond that I had never felt before then and...
haven't felt since either.

you know that feeling too.
because when you become close with someone,
and you show them just how much of a mess you are...
it changes things, at least for me.

things change even more when that same person,
who's seen more of your flaws than anyone else,
decides to turn their back on you,
and call you horrible things.

saying "you're selfish", "you're a narcissist",
throwing insults at you while you're trying your best and trying to help.
but when it comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself too.
maybe that is the reason, I don't feel anything when I'm around you.

maybe that is the reason I'm with your ghost.
because the you that I had known is dead to me.

remember when life was so simple?
how we worried about our future but were
caught up in our anxious ways,
never knowing who would leave or who would stay?

remember when you'd ask how I was
as if the world depended on my happiness?
like when you'd walk me down the alleys
and I agreed even though I was so nervous?

because deep down within me I loved you.
not because of how you looked,
or what you said,
but because of what you didn't say.

you didn't ignore me like everyone else,
you didn't roll your eyes and look away,
you didn't hide your emotions behind your face,
you only loved me as your friend.

you took me in and embraced me into your arms,
as if you found what you were always looking for.
I can never forget the warmth from your smile,
once day I'll see you again and tell you thank you.

did it all dissapear,
when you fell for the moon?
did you lose me for him,
cause you had nothing to lose?

when the stains from our past,
still tried to last,
you went on to neglect me,
and never turned back.

I lay here in silence,
I hear echos of your laugh,
but I know you're truly gone,
you were everything I dreamed to have.

and maybe you were never mine,
just a girl that made me cry,
my love was just a joke to you,
while our hands were intertwined.

I still think about you,
I still wonder where you are,
are you still enjoying life,
all alone under the stars?

will I ever forget you?
can't I just decide to move on?
I have music to pursue,
but I still hear our song,

from the distant meadows,
where we used to think about time,
how we never had enough of it,
when it was just you and I.

but now I fall asleep,
with you in my dreams,
you're still not erased,
in my notebook of memories.

and one day we'll be together,
when our stories come to end,
we'll have all of eternity,
to be ourselves and to love once again.

there once a girl named emma... who deserved the world. we talked so much, we felt so much together through our poetry online. and even though we couldn't see each other in person, combinations of letters being the only way of communication, it was a beautiful thing. we talked a lot about our problems and lifted each other up as much as we knew how to. but life had bigger problems and... we lost contact. the thing is, i appreciated her and appreciate her now even more. she liked every poem i ever wrote, always supporting me in every way she could and it meant so much. i just didn't even realize it. she helped me through a time when i was struggling and was just trying to be happy with myself. but not once. not once.... did i ever tell her thank you. not once did i even hint it and that is the worst part about it. and it causes the worst feelings in me too. i miss her. i want to talk to her...to reconnect. to tell her that i appreciated everything and none of it was for granted. to tell her that i've moved on and am living a better life. but now i will never have that chance. never. she deleted her hp account. she deleted her instagram that she once gave me. everything is gone of her... except the messages she sent. i know she'll never see this but... thank you for everything emma. i can't thank you enough. you cared for me in a way no one ever had before and i promise i will never forget you. no matter wherever you are right now... i hope you are thriving and living your best life. and if you're not... i'll always be there for you to comfort you just like old times. once again, thank you for everything emma, i really appreciate it. take care em, i love you and i'll see you around in heaven <3