I have to tell you,
So I must tell you now,
It does not get any easier,
Life can **** "life" out of you
And there is nothing which you can do

Time after time,
Year after year,
Moment after a moment,
You will find yourself, right here
Not feeling a thing, desperate -in despair

There will be good days
And after a while
Your days will again be more like the night
As if someone has put you on hold
Nothing will seem real as you start to get old

And one becomes greedy,
Just to get to feel anything at all
So you might end up taking it to the extreme
Willing to do things -wild things on your own
Discovering yourself a bit more -each time you're alone

But it's a shame
When the intensity doesn't feed you anymore
You just have to live this way,
Feeling cold, more like a walking corpse,
Dead inside, no love, no remorse

When I was younger
My mother told me
"Some get it hard
Some get it easy."

My father would say
"Do not back off
Try until you must
And never stop."

As I grew older
I realised my mother was right
I was the one who got it hard
The one who was conflicted despite

My God, my Dear God
How many times do I have to fall
Lose my faith a billion times
And come back yet feeling so small?

Each day I fought a battle
Sometimes with my mind
Sometimes with my heart

Why do I, the most vulnerable
Feel like the whole weight
Is always on my feeble shoulder?

My brain is a wreck
My soul is an empty apartment
I must tell you
It does not feel good to be on this side of the door

You see -on this side of the door
I am never okay
But how must you see me as the weakest –
When you can't see what happens here

When I close the doors
I can finally be myself
The one with that heavy burden on a weak heart
Calming it down, I play my part
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."


#But it's not okay..#

Look at us
Together again..

And as you're burning me down in ashes
For the last time you speak to me
Yet there is no more of "we"

This might be just a co-incidence
But while ending my existence, you smile
And I feel happy that I am still on your mind

This evening, it's romance in its rawest form
But the people out there think we're fighting a war,
You know they can't see -now we've come so far

When you walk away from my concluding lifetime
I ask you to walk like a hero
I know you broke me, but it takes courage to do so

I have this whole world within me
Speak to me
Take me as I am
Set me free

You say I exaggerate things
But what if
What if my emotion
Is itself exaggerated?

Have you ever
For even once, thought that
Maybe I were a speck
Coming close, flying away

Why won't you ever
Pull me close
Make me sway

Keep your eyes off me
Strange how you seem to find reasons
To stay close when you shouldn't
And you could stay here forever but you wouldn't

I don't really need you
I don't even crave you
Except some days

Yet if you ask me, will I be here?
I'll whisper
Always
Always
Always

Crazy to see
How many wish to die
Just to know
How many will miss them or cry

I do not need death
To show me if I'm needed
I disappear for a night
And my conscience is defeated

Funny what time can do
Bury us down
Pull us up
To make us feel lost and found

Been told I'm weak
Left after coming too close
Once or twice
Or maybe a hundred times

How is it that I'm still standing here?
All naked so you would see
The scars that won't heal
Someone that's just not me..

It starts with a stare
Not calling back -pretending at first
Then actually never care

Walk a thousand streets,
But that bridge is burning -I can see
And I'm not the one scorching in heat

Smile so much that it hurts
Not to please you this time
Glad I learnt to put myself first

This beautiful, dazzling night
Just to spend alone -be on my own
Relieved -I've got nothing to fight

Shook hands with "kind",
Cleansed up my head -a new person there is
And now I can speak of my mind

This -the art of hate
Squeezing my brain -till all ekes out
I'm learning ,hope I'm not too late?