many people have told me
my name is beautiful
i never truly understood that
until you said it for the first time

in that moment my name left your lips
i think i fell in love
somehow in your voice
every phoneme sounded like a song
that i wanted to hear on repeat

if i said your name aloud,
would you think the same, i wonder?
i practiced a few times in the car
a few times in the mirror before bed
and in the morning before school too

my voice does not hold your name
quite as smoothly, as naturally,
as yours holds mine
but i hope you don't mind that
i hope that you come to love that
just as i have come
to love your name

the whirlpool churns,
beginning to turn frothy and treacherous
i reach my arms towards anything
but i clutch my own shirt,
and i spin.
the whirlpool turns me around
my eyes cross and i suspect i may
drown
drown
drown
i want to ground myself
but in a whirlpool
where is up and where is down
i am churning
my nails dig deeper into the fabric
this brain of mine tosses itself
into havoc

i am holding onto words
i struggle to remember
the whirlpool churns
and in turn those words are lost to me

the sky sprawled out across the atmosphere
the sun melted into a rich, bursting orange
and then into a deep, mellow lavender
clouds like sharp strokes on a canvas
drifted so slowly they
seemed to be suspended onto that artwork

from my vantage point,
having exhausted myself in study and in loneliness,
that sky seemed to knock on my heart's door
and leak into what cracks i had sustained
yesterday's despair seemed so far away in that moment
for once i admired the present for
what a gift that sight had been

for such an array of beauty
i had no words to describe
but after giving it some thought
i feel your name would fit it best

i wonder what your name
looks like in my handwriting
if i weren't as shy as i am
i would have overcrowded a notebook
just of the way your i's are dotted
what frightens me is that
your hands don't agonize over my name
don't at least motion the symbols in the air
much less write them
and i wonder what my name
looks like in your handwriting
if you curl the e the same i would curl yours
or if you bestow your personal touch upon it
either way it would look beautiful
i would adore any name you'd write for me

i wonder what your name
looks like in my handwriting
but honestly i worry that
i cannot do it justice

with the break of dawn
     i feel hunger following my sleep
arrives the warmth of the sun
     and the warmth of fresh breakfast
beside me is an indentation in the bed
     following its scent i linger on sugar
your scent still lingers in the blankets
     its irresistable; i'm hooked on this flavor
i hear your footsteps like shy murmurs
     sweet blueberries and soft muffin bread
lifting my eyes to meet yours finally
     i find solace in its simple beauties
you are my sunrise my dear
     the day is not complete without you

a fuzzy little peach
rolled from her terrace of the tall table
off into the depths of the air and onto the floor.
i scooped her into my hands and asked her,
'beautiful peach, how did you land here?'
with a sigh, she responded,
'dear human, there are few things i can do.
once i began to roll,
i could not stop myself.'
her skin clouded with signs of contusion
and her flesh softened with the force of her fall.

'beautiful peach,
there are few things i am able to do as well.'
i did all that i could for her in that moment--
brought the fuzzy little peach to my chest
and gently held her close to my heart.

'dear human,'
she whispered,
'though it is not much to you,
to me,
it means everything.'

every song sounds the same to me
somehow they bring me to you
i want to imagine you here,
humming along with every tune
every color looks the same to me
each hue of the rainbow i remember
in shades of you; all the leaves
melt into the same shade of november
every aroma smells the same to me
flowers and memories are just as sweet
if i could i would send you a million,
if it could make you think of me

every thought i have is the same, too
it all reminds me of you, you, you