Anakaren Davila: Favorites

Dec 2018 Anakaren Davila

j.h

Dec 2018 Anakaren Davila

lindy

j.h

my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

i miss you

#suicide

Nov 2018 Anakaren Davila

TOUCH ME

Nov 2018 Anakaren Davila

Elizabethanne

TOUCH ME

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

#love #shame #lust #life #grief

Nov 2018 Anakaren Davila

drunk on you

Nov 2018 Anakaren Davila

misha

drunk on you

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

if only i could chase you with pizza but shots don't work like that

#hearts #mind #soul #girl #lonely #heartbroken #love #drunk #tears #cry

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

Untitled

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

Bei Aguilar

Untitled

I am selfish
For being selfless
When it comes to you

#selfish

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

Her.

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

Lemonade

Her.

she is a happy ending,
not everyone can wait for.

#her #she #woman #happy #end #story #tale #poem #poet #poetry

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

*In the universe / the nowhere poems

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

Napolis

*In the universe / the nowhere poems

Last week

seven of my

children were

all together for

the first time

in a long time.

and as each one

came into the room

to greet me.

I felt my roots

grow

deeper and

deeper to

the center

of the universe.

and in their smile

I saw the smile of

my father,

the smile

of my mother.,

and as I drank

in their laughter

I became

drunk with

life.

and when night

fell

I looked up to

the heavens

took a deep

breath into

my soul.

then I

memorized

the exact place

of every star

and shimmer.

and I knew

I had finally

found my

place in

the universe.

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

That one night...

Oct 2018 Anakaren Davila

Noone

That one night...

I know my texts don't excite you anymore,
But you are polite enough to reply it anyway
And if I call you, you'll receive it too
But I know you cringe when you hear my voice
Just for the night , you needed me
Just for that one night
The night's already over
But I m not over you yet

I remember everything, so clearly in my head
How beautifully you sang, & I sang along with you
How you made me laugh, laugh & laugh so hard
How you held my hands & we tried to dance
How your lips blew life to my cold and dry spirit
How the butterflies in my stomach fluttered
How my cheeks turned crimson and I looked away
But you kept on staring at me
Like you wanted to fall in love...

I did not undress my body that night,
I undressed my soul
I put it right in front you
Just in its purest form
I let you see me,
See all my imperfections
I told you all my fears,
The secrets I hid inside,
I thought this is it,
This is what I had been looking for,
My soul was happy
And thought it had found "THE ONE"

Little did I know, it was only for the night
Just for that one night
So tell me who do I blame?
Blame you for setting up my hopes high
Or blame me for believing the truth like lie
Or should I just blame the night?
The night for lasting just awhile.......

Sep 2018 Anakaren Davila

morning eyes

Sep 2018 Anakaren Davila

b e mccomb

morning eyes

at 4 in the
morning the sun
is never up
but i usually am

i worry
about things
that are out of
my control
even more about
things that are

get up early
when i work
and earlier
when i don’t
the older i get the
more i learn
sometimes you
need to cry it out

alone
at night
into your pillow
the blankets
wrapped all
around you

sometimes you
need to cry
and cry
and cry

until the morning
sun falls across
the tears dried
under your lashes

and the lump
in your throat has
dissolved so you can
breathe with ease

you need to get up
let hot water
wash it away
let the steam rising
from your mug soften
any sorrow left around
your morning eyes
take a deep breath
don’t mention it
to anyone

and
just
keep
going

i will
just
keep
going

copyright 9/7/18 b. e. mccomb

#sad #tears #cry #crying