*******!
Told me to trust you.
Told me you loved me.
You lied to me.
God I really loved you.
This is why I don't love!!!
This is why I hate people.
*******.
Go **** your tall stupid *****.
Stupid ******* trust.
Always comes back and stabs you.
You were everything.
**** this.
I'm dead inside.
You just killed me more.

I am quite.
Nobody listens!
Hear me out!
I am small.
Passive.
Invincible.
I just want to be heard.
Listen to my screams.

The dark allows my broken heart to rest.
When the pieces are shattered they have time to fix a bit.
Not anymore.
The dark haunts me.
It used to peacefully whisper to me.
Sing me to sleep.
Now it screams in pain.
Screams in her voice.
**** I loved her.
Why do I let people do this to me?
I'm such an idiot.
Everyone I've ever loved has torn me to pieces and left me to bleed.
Bleed drowning in memories.
I'm dead now.
Wandering around aimlessly.
No purpose.
No purpose at all.
No reason to live.
Why should I fight for life.
Why not just let go.
Let the earth **** me.
Enjoy the death.
Maybe peacefully drown.
Eat something I'm allergic to?
Athsma can do the trick.
Run three miles.
Just disappear.  
Leave like how love left me.
Broken.
Broken and ghostly.
Wandering pointlessly.

I wanted to help you.
I wanted to make you happy.
You brought music into my broken world.
I wanted to bring music into your.
Yours was getting darker and darker.
I watched as you sunk down.
Deep into the depression that used to loom over me.
I watched you scream inside.
I heard your silent cries.
I couldn't save you from the darkness
Because I hadn't been able to save myself.
Sweet love I can't promise the darkness will never touch you.
I will fight to keep it away.
I will fight with every ounce in my body to where you don't have to feel the same pain I have for all these years.
Leaving an ex is hard.
Chae killed what was left of me.
You brought new life.
Then she killed what was left of you.
I wanted to be the light but didn't know how.
I had no clue how Emily and you managed to light others up.
You said you were depressed.
Said you needed time.
Sweet girl I understand.
Moving on is hard.
I asked if you wanted me to disappear like nothing ever happened.
No you said.
But it was only because you couldn't do that to me.
Never once did you mention that you wanted to stay.
Now I lay here knowing I ****** up.
Lay here knowing it's not okay anymore.
I'm always going to be in the darkness.
Maybe I can help lead you out.
I'd rather walk in the dark with you
Than walk through the light alone.

To most breathing is a natural thing.
The body must take in air to stay alive.
I though sometimes forget.
My body forgets how my lungs work.
Then I shut down.
No air enters my system.
You are not breathing.
Trying to catch my breath.
Yes I am fine.
Until panic sets in.
Panic attack makes it harder to breath.
God I'm so ugly when I cry.
Kristen made that go through my head.
Telling me that countless times.
I need to stop crying.
I need melody.
She helps me when **** happens.
It's okay just go to class.
The teacher will let you go to the bathroom for a minute.
I walked quickly on the verge of tears.
Eyes red and puffy.
This is how someone would react if they got dumped by their lover.
Not because they couldn't breath.
I locked eyes with rianna.
Oh ****, now she knows I'm a wimp.
Crying when I can't breath.
Almost to class when the bell rang.
Can I use the bathroom I said.
Yes grab the pass.
T
R
I
G
G
E
R
That caused a full panic attack.
The simple words allowing me to go to the bathroom caused me to break down.
The teacher looked at me.
What's going on sweetie???
She asked concerned.
C-can't breath!
The school nurse came and walked me down to her office.
Your okay she said.
Now tell me what has been going on?
I can't breath!
Yes more specifically.
I ran and couldn't breath then I had a panic attack.
Yes this is my life.
Barely breathing sometimes.
Having panic attacks over little things.
This is how I live.

I am a lost boy
From never land
Usually hanging with Peter Pan.
Run run lost boy
They say to me
Away from all the reality
-Ruth B.

Your every move has led me to her.
The beginning we were nothing.
Now she is everything.
How can someone care so much.
Always on my mind.
Wondering if she is okay.
I wear her sweatshirt.
It smells like her.
She wears mine.
My last name on her back.
Big red letters.
It's cute on her.
She is everything to me.
I love her with every ounce in my body.
I love her so much.
Nobody has a clue what I'm getting into to.