You told me we would paint our bedroom orange and that we would have a boy and two girls and that our living room would have a big window and lots of those lame decorative pillows that everyone throws off on the couch.

You told me that every Christmas i would get to put a star on the tree and you would get to decorate it because you loved decorating the tree and one year you're going to put a ring at the top and that's how you would propose, you told me that.

You told me we would teach our kids how to tie their shoes with just one bunny ear because we grew up tying our shoes with two bunny ears and all the cool kids in kindergarten knew how to tie with just one.

You told me we would take a cooking class together and learn how to cook because you loved cooking but you weren't that good at it and I never knew what I was doing in the kitchen.

You told me that Ashley didn't matter to you but you ****** her any ways for four months straight and apologized and I told you I forgive you

You told me you wanted to see me the night after our big fight over the phone about how you never cared about me and I mean nothing too you and I told you I didn't want to see you but you showed up anyways and i melted into you and you told me you love me and I told you that I love you too and whispered in your ear that i forgive you

You told me that those texts from gabby didn't mean anything but I called you twice that night and you never answered and then someone sent me a picture of her sitting on your lap, you apologized and I told you i forgive you

You told me that I was over reacting when I didn't want you to go out with your boys that night in August when I wanted you to go with me to my friends birthday party. You went anyways and cheated on me and then apologized until I told you i forgive you

You told me that Amy was dating your work friend and you just drive her sometimes when she needs a ride but I found out you were taking her on dates and buying her lingerie then you apologized and I told you that i forgive you

You told me that I was the reason you weren't committed, that I couldn't hold you down, that you needed someone stronger with no baggage and bigger ******* to keep you grounded.

I am a gypsy wanderer.
The only home
I have ever known
Is my body.
And I destroy it.
Those like me
Can never have a home.
So I fill my lungs
With cigarette smoke,
My skin with scars
And my blood with *****.

maybe this time its different
or maybe its not

i guess I'm not too bothered
either way
------

i'm always looking for new members for this circus

our first show for you tonight is the incredibly ambitious boy
he's always alone and craving attention
he who has realized his current worth and all he can be
and revels in phantasmagoria eternal
yet never steps out of his mind

next, we have a guest performer for you tonight
hailing all the way from ???
she is a gorgeous lady with a somber past and an uncertain future
never in one place too long, this disappearing act will keep you in your seat begging for more

our third act is the content boy
whom has sated his desire and no longer feels the fire burning down his house, a miracle you have to see to believe
he can spend days doing the routine he has done all his life and let the weeks pass him by and forget all he has done, not even thinking about the consequences of inactivity

the ******! the fourth act!
we have the melancholy boy!
never before have you been filled with pity quite like this!
he has realized what has happened with him, as he has done many times before!
reaching out for a branch to break his burning descent, he grabs for the girl and prays for forgiveness!

our fifth act, our final act, is weeks of silence.
our hero remembers who he is and the flaws of his character
"finally i can get some sleep"
he murmurs to himself
as he rubs his eyes,
brushes his teeth,
and eats his breakfast

another 4:12 goes by

my hand still stings
from the night I used it to punch through her wall
when I walked on the frostbitten sidewalk
and it broke my fall
when i got sick of hearing her talk and typed
"don't call me anymore"

those days weren't too long ago, really

i got my solace in the end that their winter's grasp dripped away from my body when your spring sun showed up
and gave way as your burning summer wildfire lit my coal'd heart

I never knew how to love myself
I drove around for years without wearing a seatbelt because I wanted to fly through the window
I started smoking cigarettes because I wanted to get lung cancer
I drank every weekend because I wanted to forget
I would cut my wrist so badly that I would pass out and one time I even had to get 5 stitches
I would look for ******* guys to treat me like **** because I knew I didn't deserve better
I would go days without eating hoping that I would get used to the hunger pain and just starve
I never knew how to love myself