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I look up at the tenements and wonder
how many of them are like me.
Hidden by roofs and walls and windows, sitting, chasing their
butterflies of silent obsessions as they
threaten to fly too close to the net.
Do they too struggle with eternity?

I go by my old apartment, by the college, and don't hear my voice at the door. No more my reflection in the glass bulb. Whoever's inside there now, I hope they fill the space better than I did -- hope they're remembering to laugh once a day.

When I get home I make coffee.
I add creamer and sugar.
I stir it until they disappear.
Quick write
It's like
when you're standing
underneath the stars at night,
looking up, and your voice
seems so small, so quiet and
inconsequential that you
just lie on the lawn
at the mercy of all that
ceremonious creation, not
saying a word or waving a hand,
not moving a single cell from
where it is because
you think it might upset it all.
It's just like that,
but with more
passion.
Quick write
 Feb 2018 alwaystrying
T R S
Sometimes there's a seamstress sewing in my head
Quilting batted blankets of existential dread
Comforters and covers cover all of our cold dead
They're neatly surged and finished in copper linen thread
We're all crazy
Cause we live our world busy
Loss of understanding
People laugh that why you're confusing
We're shocked that we're alien
Everything you want
People don't realize
By the way
We're all crazy
Forget about others
And let to be happy
I loved it when you read to me
Sitting together on the orange settee
Babies  fed and in their beds
Your words in my head
Images fill my mind
Travellers on a roof top climb
Comrades gathered around
Against evil to find
Gandalf was my superhero
Reminded me of you.
Now nearly seventy-two
It really has come true.



Love Mary **

The Lord of the Rings by Tolkein

My favourite book
Read to me at 16 , And again and again by my dear Roger
 Feb 2018 alwaystrying
Irene
1.) life is fleeting. live in the moment.
2.) people never call anymore. call your mom. call your grandma. call your old friend that you haven't talked to in middle school but wished you knew how they were doing.
3.) one of the worst things in life is to sit at your deathbed with regrets. all those "i wish," "i could have," "i should have"...just do what you're scared to do. it means you're about to do something really brave.
4.) people can't read your mind. no matter how close you are with that other person, they are not a mind-reader. just say what you're feeling, thinking, going through.
5.) you never really know what someone else is going through. show God's love to them.
6.) we forget while we're getting older, our parents are getting older too. cherish the time you have with them while you can.
7.) it's normal to feel lonely and to feel lost, especially in your 20's.
8.) don't worry; everyone else doesn't know what they're doing either.
9.) stop thinking you need to make all these societal milestone "achievements." people grow at different rates.
10.) no one will ever fully and completely understand you like God does. there's that saying: "God loves you more in a moment than anyone could in a lifetime." it's true.
written on feb. 17, 2018.
 Feb 2018 alwaystrying
Pyrhos
Come walk through the grains with me
Sand shimmering like stars
Constellations of symmetry
See them join and split apart

Come watch over new stars with me
Sparks dancing in our eyes
Starlight like you could never see
Make our home among the skies

Come paint these skies blue with me
Hide and seek between the clouds
Dive right into a stormy sea
Roam unseen depths darkness enshrouds

Come make mountains move with me
Paint monumental worlds
A playground of pure fantasy
Watch your minds power unfurl

Come and wander this world with me
Adventure awaits the bold
Surmount a cliff or climb a tree
What mysteries do cities hold?

Come fly to the stars with me
Let's make this journey never end
I'll be the boat to your sea
All you will need is a pen
“Grades are getting low,
the teens are getting high.
That 12 year old is pregnant
and her parents wonder why.

A 1st grader is swearing,
a 3rd grader has been *****.
Just take a look around you,
isn’t the system great?

Who isn’t faded these days,
teens are sending nudes,
kids are getting beaten,
the teachers see the bruises.

No calls for help are spoken,
teens are smoking ****,
young girls are cutting,
this isn’t what we need.

The marks of taunt and yelling,
parents are divorced.
That 14 year old is drinking beer,
this can’t get any worse.

A little girl has killed herself,
nobody seems to care.
Another kid has been expelled
for a stupid dare.

But it needs to change.
Our world is officially broken.
It’s time to take a stand;
your thoughts need to be spoken.”

Thoughts are running wild
As the tears stream down my face.
Depressed and suicidal,
But I should just stay in my place.

I’m feeling kinda broken,
Feeling kinda lost.
I wanna make my pain
Just go away at any cost.

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up
In a nice enough neighborhood.
And I did everything that
Anybody said I should.

But it wasn’t enough.
It wasn’t me.
I thought that I could help the world
With the things I’ve seen.

My cousin lost herself
In drinking hard and smoking ***.
My good friend tried to run away
And lose her past a lot.

I, myself, have struggled
With thoughts of losing it all.
The pro and cons of jumping off
That cliff into the free fall.

I mean if there's something that can save me
Then it'll show up, right?
It's worth the wait to take a blade to my wrist
And **** it up, right?

The truth is, I don't know
How to do this and win the fight.
I need someone to show me
There's still a ray of light.

I fell into a pit of despair
And it consumed me.
I guess the only way to help the world
Was to lose me.

Finding myself is gonna take a while.
Don't know if I can make it.
Keep giving out my heart
Hoping someone will take it.

Drinking, smoking,
Doing everything to make me numb.
Doing stupid things.
Making people call me dumb.

Popping pills like candy
Just to get me through the day.
Trying to end it all;
To make the pain just go away.

It wasn't perfect. Never.
It wasn't good enough for anyone.
So I always sat alone
And wished my life was done.

~Ashton Grayson Everly
The part in quotes was written on Facebook by Will Smith. The rest is mine.
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