I want to write a Haiku.⁣
But I don't know how.⁣
Maybe I'll try one every day⁣
And finally figure it out

do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

What’s the point?
To struggle for the unknown
To suffer uncertainty

What’s the point?
To believe in a bright future
While living in the dark present

What’s the point?
To have people who care
Who only offer sympathetic stares

What’s the point?
To lose a bit of you everyday
Trying to build a fuller you for tomorrow

What’s the point?
To try and keep everyone happy
While feeling miserable inside

What’s the point?
To anything...

The abyss gets darker
The screams get louder
The pain intensifies
The confusion deepens
The situation worsens
The solutions stay blurry

I wasn’t trained for this war
Yet I’m fighting it
My opponent comes with ammunition
While I stand unprepared
Scared
Lost
Confused
Powerless
With all these shortcomings I still fight
The idea of giving up brings peace
But I know the act of it won't

I'm getting lost in the spiral
Relying on hope to pull me out

Strange is the power of fear
It engulfs you and your reasoning
Strange is the power of loneliness
It finds rescue in words
Strange is the power of heartbreak
It finds strength in emptiness

Being complete is probably bad for your art
To connect, you have to be broken
Life is funny that way

Today, I woke up to the idea of death
Such a peaceful thought
The kind of freedom that one fights for
And still don’t achieve.

My mind was convinced, but my body refused
Strange connection, this.
The mind demands something and the body denies
Yet they reside together harmoniously.
I looked out the window at the clear sky
And unwillingly got out of bed
Busying myself in the chores of the day
Avoiding the thoughts of death.

I know not the road I am on
I have no destination in mind
This route is unfamiliar to me and
This loneliness makes all of this seem worthless
In moments like these, I look for peace
A way to end this misery
After all, we all will die eventually

It’ll either be right, or it’ll be wrong
There is only one way to know.
And if you’re worried that this could be a mistake,
Then let’s make it the best ******* mistake of our lives.