Alexis A

Alexis A Jun 2014

Who I am

A shy little girl
A secret hidden under lies
A person afraid of the truth
Whispers in the wind
Terrified of lies
But needs them none the less
Oh, and also gaining weight
Is a big no no
She hides in the closet
Searching for safety
She loves a book
And will read for hours
Loves the sun
And an amazing tan
Writes a bit
And socializes even less
She needs music
And all sorts of things
The youngest child
A beaming girl
Who's main goal in life
Is to appease others
That is who I am

Just a short poem about who I am

Alexis A Jun 2014

Love That Washes Away Pain

The wind rustled the leaves
The smell of plants filled the air
The snow on the ground
Turning into mud puddles
Children Jumping
In their new pink ducky boots
The smiles on their lips
The laughter shared from parents
Everyone was happy
Joy was everywhere
But there was a girl
Sitting on the sides
Watching as it all
Just passed her by
No one saw the girl
Was she even there
Until a boy
Walked over and shared
He looked at her
In her yellow worn boots
Her scratchy old jacket
And tangled hair
He took off his jacket
And then his boots
And became an outcast
Just like her
She had a friend now
At six years old
Someone noticed her
Maybe a spring day
Could wash away the pain

So I wrote this for some History extra credit, and fell in love with it. I hope you do too.

#love #girl #pain #rain #boy #spring #kids #little #outcast #six

Alexis A Jun 2014

Dear Ana

I felt so alone
No one seemed to care
I went for a walk
And thought about calories
That was odd for me
Then You came
And pushed my food away
You told me you'd make me perfect
Your name was Ana
You put me through hell
Made me question everyone
And every little freaking thing
I started to obsess
Over the number on the scale
I stopped eating food
And started eating numbers
I had to punish myself
When I went even a decimal
Of a calorie
Over my limit
That's what you trained me to do
You sentenced me to the gym
Made me lie to my family
And even my friends
Put me in a hospital
But still I loved you
And honestly, I still do
I won't stop counting calories
I had at most, 1194 today
while only burning 1500
evil little calories
I might drop an ounce
But I'll keep working
Because I have you
My dear friend Ana
The only one who cares

So, this is a letter to Ana, also known as Anorexia, which is something that's been a part of my life for awhile. As I count calories, I know she's there, beckoning me on. I know I can do anything and everything through her. She's my best friend, and my worst enemy.

#alone #help #anorexia #ugly #fat #worthless #calories #eatingdissorder #noonecares

Alexis A May 2014

Being Pretty

I told you

just the other day

that I wanted to be a movie star

if only I was pretty

you stared into my eyes

and asked if my mirror was broken

'cause I looked straight off the runway stunning

I rolled my eyes

and said stop with the lies

I just want to be pretty

A few days later

I wanted to be a model

goodbye food,

hello gym

I said I could do it if I was pretty

you slapped me so hard

trying to bring me back to reality

but it was too late

she was already controlling me

Two weeks later

I'm told I'm gonna die

if I keep this up

but I want to become a singer

and a dancer

so back to the bathroom

goodbye binge

You took me to the ER

where people stopped and stared

at the girl who would do anything

to believe she's pretty

This is about my personal struggle with anorexia, so don't judge. I'm still in recovery, but I'm ready to let her (Ana) go.

#eating #disorder #die #movie #perfect #star #my #ana #anorexia #thin #struggle #ed #model

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