Cold as ice

I should have known

You turn on your emotions like a light switch

Ever so safe

How I wish you could feel my sadness right now

Cuz it will be nothing compared to the loss you will feel when I walk out

But you think I'm crazy & dumb

And you believe I'll get over everything

Maybe I might...

But, maybe today, maybe tomorrow

I'll leave this place and let go of my sorrow

I know you believe that this game will last forever

But I'm not dumb like you think....

I just love you

I might cry, but freedom will give me happiness

you will be the one to realize you shouldn't have taken my love for granted

I might be older
I might be bigger
But I'm still a prize
And I'm still beautiful

I might be hurt right now

But your hurt won't start till I leave 

I might be hurt right now, but your hurt won't start till I can breath

because the darkness grew
I lied and said you would help me be strong
but the fires in my eyes came down to roost
and now I can't help but sift through your ashes
to find your bones

is there any way to undo
the knots I tied around you
before I lit those flaming words within your soul?

is there escape from the walls I build
to keep me in?
because I don't mean to build them around you too
but somehow I do
and then we're stuck together

and more ashes litter the floor

afterwards.

can I not do this anymore?
or is there something inside me that
claws its way through my eyeballs
to find your soul and **** it bare
and leave it to dry in the night?

is it me?

I wish i knew if I did this to you,
or if it is the night
inside me
flirting with the day to find
a little spark of
demented happiness
in the screams of your eyes
when you look at me for

who I really am.

you know what? I wish I knew who I was
because lost inside the beating of my heart
I think I see a spot of color
but then it's gone and
I don't know anymore

I don't think I ever did.

Because there's so much more
to being me
than burning you.

I just want to find out what that is
because this demon isn't gonna stop
and I kinda wish it would
because I think my soul

is dying

or maybe life is death drawn out in tiny ebbing circles
like a tiny ebbing tide
and the ashes that I make of you
are the tears of last year's bride
condensed and broken into
microscopic
shards
of

fairydust?

I just can't tell anymore.
But if it will happen.
It will happen.
Or leave me behind.
It will make me happy.
Or it will make me cry.
It shall make me dance into the night.
Or cry on my knees.
I yet don't know.

If your lies told me truth, then I shall believe them true..

there is no true end to anything
for every moment
is the beginning
of something new

after the egg,
a chicken
after the chicken,
chicken soup

and after the soup comes something new.
just a small thought





in a big world

I can put words on paper,
They fit and  they rhyme
But I am not truly a poet
There is no definition
Yet still I am not.
I am not a poet
And I will always fail
For the same simple reason
Beliefs can be a poison.