Being a girl *****! :(
I'm one big ball of emotion
Being tossed back and forth
On the waves of this female ocean

Just when I say I'm doing okay
Another tsunami comes along
Washing away the sanity I saved
Swept out to sea, it's gone

Being a girl *****! :(
All the makeup that we wear
Who are we trying to impress anyways
And do those jerks out there really care

All they do is treat me like a piece of meat
With desert on the side
Would you like some tears with that
It doesn't take much these days to make me cry

Being a girl *****! :(
With some of the things we have to wear
This over the shoulder boulder holder
Wasn't built for comfort that's for sure

And is it already that time of month again
I've about had it with these cramps
If I hear another man explain my mood to me
I swear I'm going to reach up and pull his tongue out through his...

Being a girl *****! :(
But one thing that I can say
It sure as heck beats being a man
Where stupidity always gets in the way

It's not difficult to think of stopping
when the green light is on.

******* up on an everyday basis,
when everything should be easy,
only to end up with another crisis.

Spitting out the blame on everything
instead of swallowing it down,
just to avoid the bittersweet of it all.

A bubble harder than concrete,
Tears saltier than the Dead Sea,
the waves of frustration when
expectations and reality don't meet.

Lone wolf hunting down dead leaves,
Slumped on the forest ground.
Abandoning the will to retrieve,
Giving up on the wolf that believed.

**** the perfect cups of tea.
All that's left is bitter coffee,
Not my taste but life's not sweet.
I should get used to lifting weights
and doing tons of things I hate.

Not doing well and all but I'm
trying to survive because it's
me.

I wrote this with a pen,
In my notebook,
At least a million times.

At first,
It was simple & clean
Like the Utada Hikaru song we kept listening to,
Underneath a cloud full of spliff smoke.
But then it turned complex & morally contaminated.
Like the time you sat in my desk chair
And released your stomach acid onto my floor.

It reeked of alcohol
And so does my breath at this current moment.

It's hard for me to express my pain
Without feeling the presence of the nimbus clouds in my mind
Come closer to making my face burst into tears.
But I'm going to try.

Hearing the news that you died,
Plagued my ears and spider-cracked my soul.
I'm never going to be the same knowing that
Your physical existence will not be roaming around this earth.

The huge disk of memories we created are on vinyl
Constantly replaying in my head
But scratching after May 13th.
That was the last time I saw your infectious smile
And felt your tight bear hug that provided me with warmth.

After our palms clapped
And fingers interlocked,
I felt your heartbeat with my knuckle.
We were more than friends.
We were brothers.
We were humans that had souls that understood each other.

I'm not going to lie,
I am still damaged and feel out of place in this world.
Where do I go from here?
How do I feel better?

I think about you every night,
With my tear filled eyes soaking the lifelines of my palms.
I keep the thoughts of you replaying in my head,
Knowing that your spirit has touched the souls of many,
I can't help but feel this sad.
But I know that one day I will
Feel better.

I tried to find the answers at night,
Underneath the night sky
Where the stars shined bright,
And the moon provided solace.

I confessed my pain to the moon every night,
It illuminated my soul
And gave me a shoulder to cry on.

Dear celestial object,
Allow my wanderlust soul to rise to the stars
With hopes of finding comfort at night
Because I haven't been the same since finding out about the death of my best friend.

May you live on forever Fuquan Ford.

what a day,
we're all blue.
go away.
what'd you do?

it gets worse.
they complain
like a horse,
an endless neigh.

you wanna die?
take the pills.
you can try,
you can ****.

too bad i'm here.
it's too early.
you chase death,
you're getting near.
i run after you,
out of breath.

please slow down.
you rush things.
don't die now,
it's too early.
don't give up.

they see you run,
it's a normal thing.
they saw one.
faster, running,
she caught death.

they weren't surprised.
i want them to be.
blinded eyes,
let dying people be -
but don't let them be.

see the sickness,
i beg you now.
save some happiness,
give them crowns
for living still and
not getting there
(to the place we
start giving
up).

Even if as you go to work
You think of crossing the street
While the green lights are on
It's okay

Even if you go up the stairs
Up to the rooftop of your school
And stand in the edge
It's okay

Even if you happen to pass by a bridge
And ask yourself
What if you just jump there
It's okay

Even if you stroll besides the lagoon
Walk towards it
And imagine falling and drowning
It's okay

Even if you often wonder
How deep a knife will cut your skin
Or what knot is best for your neck
How long does a bullet numb your head
What pills will let you sleep forever
Or how cold will it be to lay on rail tracks
It's okay

Even if day by day
Life has been so hard to bear
That day by day
You think that ending it
Would be so much better
It's okay

You struggle
But you survive
From morning to night
Ill thoughts visit your mind
But you're still alive

So it's okay
Even if in the morning
You opened your eyes
Disappointed
That you still wake up
It's okay
See... if life is a battle
You have been winning it
Constantly