God?... They're at it again,
Saying mean things to me,
"Well that doesn't go unnoticed, it's something I can see"
They make fun of my appearance, and laugh at my struggle,
"They shouldn't do that because what's coming to them will be double"
I look down on myself, they make me feel bad,
"You've got potential kid, and you've always had"
Will you answer my prayer please, I need you to listen,
"It's funny cause I even hear you talking to yourself & swearing in the kitchen"
Why do I look like this, I don't like my outfit,
"Get out there & strut your stuff, you look good & don't dare doubt it"
What the hell is wrong with me, I'm not good enough,
"Then why do you think I put you on this earth, you've got a purpose, ya know... Your life & stuff"
What do you mean? I'm always so down,
"You're life is a gift, so please don't you frown"
Really? cause I feel I don't belong,
"I chose to put you here because you are immensely strong"

Social Anxiety,
Doesn't mean that I'm weird,
You don't know me at all,
And I'll make it very clear,
I have many talents,
That you don't even see,
I'm good at many things,
And that's what makes me me.
When I go out,
I get quite overwhelmed,
The panic attacks are awful,
self conciousness turned up to 10,
I get mean looks
everywhere from strangers,
Staring into my face,
Trying to read me like a newspaper.
Getting laughed at isn't nice,
It doesn't help at all,
How would you like to be made feel, So very small?
Calling me awkward,
Making me feel like I'm less,
But wouldn't you act the same out in public,
If your mind was a ****** mess?
Step into my shoes,
And I'll give you what I have,
Is it funny anymore?
Now do you feel very bad?
You were mean to me,
When I was struggling like this,
How does it feel in my shoes,
If the perspective was switched?

I play my guitar,
And strum all the strings,
I've written many songs,
About many different things,
The sound of the chords,
As they are played out,
And the song that I sing,
That comes out of my mouth.
I wrote songs about mental health,
And songs about doubt,
Songs about my dog,
And songs about standing out.
An instrument is a good thing,
A good thing to learn,
Because you express what's inside when you sing,
And get the happiness hormone in return.

Your feelings do matter,
So tell someone whom you can confide,
It's not weak to cry,
And don't bottle it up inside,
The world is also YOUR oyster,
So go out and explore,
And you always do matter,
Now today & before.

Go away depression,
The one that makes me question,
If I'm good enough,
Just checking,
Leaving me always guessing,
Go to therapy,
Another session,
More things I have to mention,
Receiving more direction,
We're not made for perfection.
I am looking for a profession,
To start with some progression,
I'll make a good impression,
And maybe change my perception.

I told you I'm fine,
Even though I'm not,
I want to say it and talk,
But my breath just gets caught.
The lid is quite tight,
And I hold in a lot,
Want to pour it all out,
But don't think that I'll stop.
My thoughts are quite mangled,
Wrapped up in some knots,
And it's hard to unravel,
But I write it down & jot,
To unload all this weight,
Because it feels like I ought,
To release this inside,
And happiness I shall sought.

Who are you to tell me who I am?
You are human,
Just like everyone else on this planet,
You've got flaws, imperfections
And insecurities and habits.
And looking for approval and likes on your gadgets,
Trying to read between the lines and commas and brackets,
Seeing can you figure me out,
But you can't even hack it,
You wear your heart on your sleeve too,
It's just under your jacket,
So stop with the judgements,
And stop with this racket.

I was tired of trying,
And showing my kindness,
When all people did,
Was treat me like a virus.
They didn't appreciate,
What I gave out,
So I ended up hiding,
And covered my mouth.
I lost all my trust,
For everyone I would meet,
Even people I knew,
And some ones that I'd greet.
They thought that my kindness,
Meant that I was weak,
So I became anxious,
And wasn't able to speak.

I'm so tired,
But I can't sleep,
Refrain from gossip, because talk is cheap,
Words like poison, it drips from your fake smiley teeth,
If your nice guy attitude is a mask,
Then what's underneath?

I am walking a thin line between how I see myself,
And how others define,
I try to lift myself up,
But then I'm taken down,
I try to make myself smile,
But there's nothing but a frown.
Tik tok, the hours on the clock,
The seconds and minutes rushing by,
And in a blink of an eye, it's 3 o'clock again,
And I try to get myself out of bed... But I can't.
Even though I know everything I said,
About getting up late,
It shouldn't be a debate,
But I can see it on everyone's face... that they talk,
Staring, counting every second of my walk,
As I go to get a cup of tea,
And I wish that I was free,
From all of this anxiety,
Trapping me, taking control of my life,
Making me stay in my room,
Wallowing in utter doom,
Listening to music to pull me through.

The way things used to be,
Years ago when we were free,
What happened to our society?
Now mobile phones are glued to our hands,
Making quite a lot of demands,
Taking over starting to expand,
Like it's a whole other place,
Another land.
People are consumed by social media,
An unhealthy place is where it'll lead ya,
Picture perfect, flawless but fake,
How much of this can you really take?
Plump up your lips, and have a flat belly,
Don't eat sweets and don't eat jelly,
Be like Megan Fox who's with Machine Gun Kelly,
Be a model that's on the telly.
Have skinny legs and be 6 ft 2,
Only wear heels and don't wear shoes,
See yourself from our view,
Get botox til your face is blue.
Listening to your every word,
We know everything, we've got all the dirt,
Secretly listening to conversations,
Showing you clothes & makeup,
Testing your patience.
It makes you feel like how many followers you have or likes defines who you are,
If you have over 1000 followers, yeah you are a star,
But if you have only 7, oops sorry you didn't get far.
Number and likes don't define you,
Nobody has over 1000 friends,
Your value doesn't decrease based on numbers on social media,
You must be careful because sometimes it can try to mislead ya.

A tear falls from my eye,
Inside of it holds questions why,
Like why you treated me this way,
And acted like I'm the one who's not okay,
Or why I'm always pushed aside,
When I treat them nice & treat them kind,
Or why I'm always ghosted and rejected,
And why I'm hurt and disrespected,
Why I always seem to regret it,
Everything I try and do,
My kindness is taken for granted.
Why are you so cold?
Do you even weep?
And why don't you feel bad?
How can you even sleep?
As I wipe the tear from my cheek,
I'm not asking why anymore,
Because my worth isn't defined,
By someone who has hardly felt this low.

I had a dog named Coco,
I got him when I was 9,
His breed was a longhaired chihuahua,
He had reddish brown fur & brown eyes.
He meant quite a lot to me,
I loved him very much,
A small dog with a big personality,
He'd eat chorizos & such.
He was so hilarious,
He'd skid on his nails across the floor,
He brought joy into my world,
Since I was a little girl.
I remember when I went to get him first,
He was fearful, snappy & scared,
Like as if he was afraid,
And no one ever cared.
He grew up into a friendly dog,
I took him on many walks,
He loved sausages and chorizos,
And when I'd eat, he would watch.
He was a brave little guy,
Would take on a labrador,
He protected me if he sensed anything,
And he always waited at the kitchen door.
He would walk across the windowsill,
Look out, be really nosey,
He'd get excited over the small things,
Like running to his bed which was cozy.
When I was sad,
Coco was there,
When I was anxious,
Coco did care,
When I was happy,
He was happy too,
Dogs always love you,
They love you for you.
They don't judge your flaws, how you look or if you're sad,
If you even have messy hair and you feel really bad.
He always rested his head on my foot,
Looked at me with loving eyes,
And even though he was so small,
His heart was bigger than his size.

It's okay to cry,
It's okay to pout,
It's okay to frown,
It's okay to doubt.
It's okay to stay in bed,
And lie awake at night,
It's okay to give yourself a break,
But don't lose your light.
It's okay to try and fail,
And fail and try again,
That doesn't mean you're a failure,
Or a 0 out of 10.
It's okay to talk,
Not bottle it up inside,
Treat yourself well,
Don't be harsh, just be kind.

I hate the way you look at me,
I hate the way we talk,
I hate the way you always dress,
And I hate the way you walk.
I hate the way you chew your gum,
And how you style your hair,
I hate your stupid Doc Marten boots,
And how you always stare,
I hate the way you wear silver rings,
I hate the way you laugh,
I hate the way you play guitar,
I hate your big dumb band.
But what I hate even more,
And it makes me cry & ball,
Is that I actually don't hate you,
Not even a little bit,
Not even at all.
To be honest,
I love the way you look at me,
I love the way we talk,
I love the way you always dress,
And I love the way you walk,
I love the way you chew your gum,
And how you style your hair,
I love your cool Doc Marten boots,
And how you always care.
I love the way you wear silver rings,
I love your infectious laugh,
I love the way you play guitar,
I love your big dope band.
I pretended that I hated you,
Cause it all just felt like a scheme,
Because I've dealt with too many nightmares,
But you feel like a dream.

I used to trust,
When I was little & small,
A kid that didn't doubt,
A kid that didn't stop nor stall,
It never crossed my mind,
Whether they liked me or not,
Or if I wasn't good enough,
I never had that thought.
I liked the way I was,
My true blue self,
But when I got older,
Something happened to my mental health.
Many people rejected,
The person that I was,
Pushed away & left out,
But it wasn't my fault.
When someone sees your spark,
They try to stamp it out,
They want to see you not do well,
They want to see you down and out,
But what you don't see,
When you feel that low,
Is they've always seen your spark,
They just don't want it to glow,
Because you are amazing,
Just the way you are,
And it's jealousy,
They had for me,
Cause I shone bright like the moon & stars.

Look through the shelves,
Peer through the pages,
Do you like the one that's shiny?
Or the one that's faded?
The shiny ones covered in plastic,
But the other one's not,
Which one do you prefer,
Which book do you like a lot?
Do you like the one with perfect paragraphs,
With not one mistake,
With a shiny cover & reviews that are fake?
Or do you like the one that's mysterious,
That's got chapters of things,
It has many flaws,
Wanna see what it brings?
The one that is shiny,
Was bought many times,
But the story itself,
Wasn't good from the very first line.
The other book that's left there,
That's left at the back of the shelf,
Holds quite a story than anything else.
All you have to do is give it a chance,
And don't judge the cover because the inside could put you in a trance,
Usually the one that is popular is plastic and fake,
But the one that is real shows their flaws and mistakes.

I like the sun,
But I also like the rain,
Falling on the glass from the sky at night,
Onto the window pane,
I lie there glancing at the stars,
They shine down on me from afar,
That feeling when you put some Christmas lights in see-through glass jars,
Lifting up your spirits,
Gleaming down like headlights on cars.

Social Anxiety,
Won't let me speak,
I feel like i'm mute,
And think that I'm weak.
Social Anxiety,
Won't let me express,
The person I truly am,
Makes me feel like I'm less.
Social Anxiety,
Is like anxiety on pills,
And I can't calm down,
"Like, hey brain... will ya chill?!!"
Social Anxiety,
Takes over my life,
Everyone just says,
"That just ain't right"
Social Anxiety,
Get the hell out my way,
I've got dreams to live,
And I've got words to say.

You hide behind your 'nice' disguise,
But in your eyes,
I see you despise,
You criticise with your replies,
When heald accountable,
You make denies,
I recognise that it satisfies ,
And you never want to apologise,
Put me down,
It makes you thrive,
But it makes me laugh how you think I'm not wise.
I can see right through,
& hear your lies,
Yes I can, so don't think twice,
All you want to do is deprive,
Me from having a happy life.

Why don't you do this?
Why don't you do that?
Why do you dress in those?
I don't like that hat
Why don't you have a degree?
Mary down the road has one
Why don't you work?
Awwww you must be dumb.
Why don't you talk more?
You're just too quiet,
Why don't you stand up?
No! Sit down and be silent.
I looked at them straight,
dead in the eyes,
Why don't you shut up
& lemme eat my Mcfricken fries!

This is me,
Just a dog,
Wandering the streets,
Many sights, sniffs of things,
And people I did greet,
I don't know why but I was left
Left alone out here,
My human didn't want me & now I'm stuck in fear.
"Just a dog"
Is what they said,
& dropped the leash that they once did hold,
They drove away with puffs of smoke,
And left me in the cold.
So when a good human approached,
I didn't really trust,
And hid under a car shaking,
cause I didn't like them much.
They gently took me in their arms,
& love was in their eyes,
Was this really who they were,
Or was this just a disguise?
They brought me to a vet,
& then they brought me home,
I realised that not all are bad,
And don't want to see us alone.
This is me,
I'm not just a dog,
I'm now treated like family,
I'm now a best friend to a human,
And they're best friends with me.

You judge so quick,
Without giving me a chance,
Did you know I could sing, create beautiful art & dance?
The song I could sing you,
Could put you in a trance,
And the creations you haven't seen yet, I could place them in your hands.
You're judging me right off the bat,
A flip of a switch & a drop of a hat,
Belittling me, no I don't like that,
Pull the carpet from underneath my feet,
Or was it a matt?
You judge so quick,
My flaws you pick,
Judge the book by it's cover,
Did you look through the pages, did you even flick?

Rain on glass,
Orange pink sunset skies,
Vinyl covered rooms,
& golden sparkling eyes.
Stars going on for miles,
And the moon like a big pizza pie,
Listening to indie music,
& going for a drive.
Chrome covered nails,
Sun shining bright,
This is all the **** that makes me feel alive.

Do you believe in soulmates?
The ones that catch your eye,
They might listen to the same music,
Or write it read or rhyme,
They remind you quite a lot of yourself,
When you're with them you feel whole,
Like they're another piece of your puzzle,
A treasure, a piece of gold.
There is an old belief that Chinese people have,
That an invisible string is connecting you and your person, your other half,
On the woman it's on their pinky & on the man it's on their thumb,
It might sound quite silly but probably not to some.

Look at you!
Look at how far you've come,
Don't doubt yourself or what you can become.
I know sometimes it's hard,
And things in life get heavy,
But God looked at you & decided,
That it's YOU who lives this journey.
He saw your potential,
And sees it everyday,
Even if you think you're weak,
That's a trick your mind will play.
You are beautiful the way you are,
You don't need social medias lies,
Telling you what is true,
And judging every look & size.
You are here to live your life,
You're not here to live for social media,
So please do you, be you,
And don't let it deceive ya.

There once stood a rose,
So beautiful & red,
the petals soft and luminous,
Not one leaf it had shed.
It stood proudly in the ground,
It's roots grew deep & strong,
Until one cold day,
a storm came along.
The gusts tried to knock it,
It heald on for dear life,
But petals started to break away,
Scattered, none in sight.
It started to change,
Rain fell from the skies,
And from the stalk suddenly,
Thorns grew from its sides,
It wasn't the same anymore,
Didn't really trust,
So any time the sun shines,
It still waits for another gust.

Here's some tips,
When you are down,
Get a pen,
And write it now,
Listen to your favourite songs,
Eat healthily,
And dance for too long,
Drink some hot chocolate,
Get a new dog,
Treat yourself,
And sleep like a log!
Do meditation,
And try out yoga,
Drink water with lemons,
Instead of cola (lemons are also nice with cola by the way)
Do exercise,
And buy an exercising machine,
Walk in nature,
And eat some greens,
Eat tomatoes,
They're good for your heart,
Get vitamin D & primrose oil,
& add them to your cart.
Journal & write down how you're feeling,
It's good to get it off your chest,
It's a sort of healing.
It's good to cry,
It releases stress,
It isn't weak,
And doesn't mean you're less.
If you're angry,
Listen to some music with swear words,
It's a good way to feel relief,
And you might feel a weight lifted afterwards.

Inside of me is kindness,
And kindness isn't weak,
It takes a lot of strength & courage to stay kind,
In a world that has people who are mean.
I give out what I would like,
But don't receive it back,
What's wrong with this society,
And chivalry, there is lack.
I won't change who I am,
And become like the ones who hate,
Because my life is not about competition, being nasty or a debate.

It's good to be unique,
A quality that you should keep,
And so is kind, nice & meek,
If they aren't nice to you,
Turn the other cheek,
They can look in and have a peek,
But they are not you,
And can't seek,
What you've found,
Down deep,
Inside of you,
Underneath.

I'm not a famous author,
Or a poet writing books,
But I like to write what comes to mind,
And my rhyming's off the hook.
I don't know where I got it from,
It's probably just a creative mind,
I think outside the box,
And I don't like to be confined.
The words just flow out my brain,
As I write them down,
They all just come to me,
And I don't even know how.
It's just a skill I didn't give up,
And kept on practicing,
Writing, thinking & writing some more,
To see what my thoughts will bring.

The rain fell down from the sky at night,
Tapping on the windows,
With all it's might,
I cuddle down in my bed with delight,
It was like free therapy, it felt so right.
The sunset rises in the morning,
In the dawn,
A bunch of colourful flowers filled with droplets on the lawn,
The morning sky wakes up and let's out a yawn,
I'd say this day ahead might be nice & warm.

When the skies were blue,
And the sun was out,
You were a friend,
Without a doubt,
We talked and we laughed,
This will never end I thought,
But one day you were talking,
And one day you were not.
But when you stopped talking,
Was when the skies turned dark grey,
And I sat in the corner,
And I wasn't okay.
I thought that you would have cared, Not only when it was bright,
But when the clouds closed in,
And it felt like there was no light.
You turned your back to me,
When things weren't going right,
I never thought you'd do that,
No I didn't, not quite.
Now you just act like I'm someone to dislike,
That's why I lost all my trust because I was made feel not alright.

Shame me for my anxiety,
Treat me bad for being quiet,
Talk down to me when I'm depressed,
And then you ask me why I'm silent.
You're angry at me for panicking,
Make me feel like I'm an alien,
Treated like an outsider,
All the time, daily and
All I want is to be my true self,
Cause authenticity is key,
But I fail to be who I am,
I fail to act like me.
I'm sick of being judged,
By family, guests & strangers,
Now every time I'm around people,
My brain thinks I'm in danger.
I don't know what to do,
And I don't know how to change,
My life doesn't feel like a life,
It just feels like a game.

You think that you know me,
When really you don't,
Can you spell out my full name,
I'd surely guess that you won't,
Do you know all my talents,
Or the passions I hold,
Or the places I've been,
Or the stories I've told.
Have you walked in my shoes,
Or the boots on my feet,
If you want to know me,
Come here and take a seat.
Don't listen to gossip,
That oozes from the slandering tongue,
Because they only do that,
When they want me to have no one.
It's jealousy that causes that,
So don't give a listening ear,
Ignore what they say,
Cause it only makes them sneer.
If you want to know me,
Ask me & not them,
Because what comes out from their mouth,
Is what they make up in their own head.

Hey, how are you?
Oh I'm fine,
But what I really wanted to say was my mental health has started to decline,
And all these anxious thoughts they wrap around my brain like thorned vines,
And if I treated you the way you treated me, you'd be at ground 0,
Not at cloud 9,
Look up at the clock there yeah, see that... look at the time,
How would you like to be made feel bad getting up late because of a tired mind?
Everybody ******* out of me while I'm struggling, they can't be kind,
Passing indirect remarks and crossing the line,
Bragging about their lives & counting the dime,
Sneering & leering cause they 'wouldn't want mine',
So don't wonder why I'm down in the dumps,
Because in my life I've hit a lot of bumps,
And you've been mean when I fell down,
You didn't care & then you ask me how I am.

You ever feel so stressed,
Where right inside feels so compressed,
And you feel like a mess,
And life feels like a test,
And you can't just leave the nest,
And you always feel depressed,
But it just means 'deep rest'
And with online, you become obsessed,
With perfect lives, & it's a pest,
Telling you just how to dress,
But I guess, the algorithm won't take a ****** rest.
Telling you exactly how to look,
Be like the ones on magazines & books,
Go ahead & have a look,
Be like 'Brittney *****' or Brooke,
All the happiness it has took,
Aim for perfection, skinnyness and looks,
You don't wanna end up lookin like that lad captain hook,
Drinking all his gold away in his hideout & nook.
No one cares unless you got luck, money, confidence & bucks,
If you're suffering, "oh that *****"
They push you straight into the muck,
Their the hockey stick & you're the puck,
It can feel like you're really stuck,
But when you are struggling,
You'll see the ones who actually don't & do truly give a ****.

I won't forget how you treated me,
deceitfully,
& talking all the time behind my back repeatedly,
Running with your mouth, bring me down purposely,
For your own gain, but do you know your hurting me?
All the times you said hi & then greeted me,
But when you turn your back, you don't care, deleted me,
Just because I'm struggling don't mean that I'm below yee,
I'm grown up now, I cop onto things & I don't watch balamori,
Do you really think I forget things,
Do you really think I'm Dory?
Just please go away from me,
If you are treating me poorly.

Never underestimate the person that I am,
And never doubt my intelligence just because I've got shaking hands,
And never question if I'm good enough,
Because we all come from up above from that man,
And never say I'm stupid,
Or that I'm less than,
Never say you understand,
But don't reach out a hand,
And never pretend to be my friend,
If you never really can,
And never hurt someone just to be popular & have fans,
And never judge a book by it's cover,
If you don't know God's plan.

I'd rather a dog,
Because they do not judge,
They don't scoff at your downfalls,
Or hold onto a grudge.
They walk beside you,
And snuggle into your arms,
They are happy to see you,
And bark at anything that alarms.
They are loyal & loving,
And love you for you,
They don't talk behind your back,
Or treat you like poo!
They love being apart of your life,
And stay til the end,
Sometimes animals can truly make,
The best of friends.

True Friends stay,
Not only when the sun shines,
But they stand beside you,
Through troubled times.
They don't walk away,
Nor gossip, nor laugh,
They don't make you feel bad,
Or talk crap behind your back.
They don't whisper in ears,
And look over their shoulder,
Or move away,
And sit away further.
They don't get enjoyment,
out of your pain,
And belittle your worth,
Or the intelligence in your brain.
They don't pass remarks or pick holes in who you are,
And they don't give ***** looks,
Or play up on your internal scars.
They don't pick out your flaws,
And overlook theirs,
A true friend doesn't do that,
Because a true friend truly cares.

I forgive but I will never forget,
When I fell down,
The people who I thought were there for me,
Made faces, talked & frowned.
Instead of showing support,
They chose the other path,
Of making little of my worth,
& started to sneer, gossip & laugh.
When I reached out my hand,
They showed me their back,
And thought that it was funny,
How my life slipped off track.
I won't forget,
When I had a panic attack,
And instead of showing care & concern,
I was laughed at.
I won't forget,
The way I cried tears at night,
And the ones who treated me like darkness,
When all I needed was a light.

You judge me,
Harshly,
Like you're putting this beam down on my head,
I'm on the stage & the crowd points & laughs while I stand there full to the brim in dread,
It's taking a toll on my mental health, & migraines keeps happening inside my head,
And I'm shamed for getting up late out of bed,
I sit there hunched over my phone at the table,
Meanwhile the indirect remarks & hurtful digs are said,
And my back is turned,
But yet, I can almost feel their eyes burn holes in the back of my head,
As they stare & judge me,
So I remove myself from the kitchen suddenly,
And walk back up stairs to my room,
And I sit on my bed & think how I lost that inner child who used to be so bubbly.