i lay here in bed
and think about how it would feel
to have you here next to me,
to have your hand enclosed in mine and
feeling the soft pulse that
resonates through the soft skin
of your fingertips.
all i see are the gentle hues of the
sun against the dimming sky,
and i think about how
insignificant it probably seems
in comparison to the
galaxies that form and  
radiate in your eyes, for
the descending sun is
merely a speck in the
solar systems that inhabit your
heart, mind, eyes, and soul.

i wish i had taken you by the shoulders
and told you everything i needed you
to hear before you left
but i told myself every night afterwards
as i curled up in bed
that i'll tell you everything when you come back
yet i'm not 100% certain you are.

i'm beginning to develop a
schoolgirl crush on you, my dear,
for you make me giggle as if i were
five years old again.
what i feel for you is
a dumbed down version of
a complex mixture of
like,
love,
lust,
and puppy-love infatuation.
i simply do not know what
has gotten into me but
i do know that i'd
love to feel your lips on my own.
i would be delighted to delve deep
into your embrace and
give names to the galaxies that have called
the depths of your eyes
home.
i haven't known you very long and
i have had not the pleasure of feeling
you in person but the pleasure of
hearing your voice pronounce
my name.
just to see you standing in
front of me once
would perhaps give me
some insight as to
how i feel in
regards to you.
or maybe i'll be more
puzzled than I am
as of now.

i tried to drown you out with
my tears
but i ended up choking and your
memory flooded my mind
and now between a welt-covered wrist and
a new infatuation
my love for you lingers in limbo
which is what i've been trying to
achieve
these past six months because
letting you in was a death sentence
and i knew it
and i tried to escape it
but each time i ran i fell
deeper in love with you
and i'll forever look for you
in every man i speak to
and in this time i am separated
from you
i've found someone new
to make me giggle like you
used to
and perhaps i'm falling for him
but i know as soon as
i hear your voice come
over the phone
i'll be right back at the beginning
in love
and
choking on your memory.