what am i doing wrong
to have lost
who i thought was the
love of my life

if you are not
the love of my life
like i thought you were
how could i trust myself with anything?

i have learned nothing is set in stone
a person can wake up one day
and not love you anymore
hell
they may not have even loved
you at all

and now i am
rambling my feelings
because i am so
******* lost

you broke me
into a million little fragments
and im trying to glue myself back together
but each time i do
a gust of emotions
hits me like the wind
and sends the pieces
to the ground again

and i start over
every ******* time

im lost
and you broke me

i am lost
i am alone
i feel like im drowning
in a sea of emotions
yet i feel nothing

i watch as everyone around me
moves and bustles through life
while i stand here
time frozen
in this cold darkness

im trying to swim to the surface
every time i get close
i get dragged under
more
and more

im running out
of breathe now
i can feel my heart
beating fast
the pressure on my chest
is too much to bare


suddenly,
everything goes black

How am I to teach myself
that rage is not love
that abuse is not love
that hurt is not love
that forcefulness is not love
when that is all i have ever known

when you are gentle
you do not speak in anger
you never raise your voice
you always smile
you always make me laugh
only kindness ever leaves your mouth


i feel like a child again when i am with you
before all the badness took over my life

i am hard
rough around the edges

but you
oh my you

you are so soft
your edges aren't even edges at all
they're soft landings

like the way a dandelion falls
onto the grass so gracefully
in the middle of spring

you are my hope again

you are my new beginning

i am not yet accustomed to this world
i want to go back again and make things better
for my heart aches knowing where everything was left
but it is already too late
too many mistakes were made
and i don't think anybody can forgive me
if i were to begin again i would do it right
for my life would have been different.
my life would surely be better.
but i can't
i will never have that opportunity
why? why? why? i am so ashamed
i am so embarrassed
i am so dreading the winter's cold; i will never understand why i do this to myself
for all things born into this world can be happy. so why can't i?
my body is both cold and lifeless as i ride down into deep seas. but when it reaches the bottom i dwell,
and i don't enjoy beauty from my past.
the dark is scary. but it seems to be endless
i will die in pain
i will always remember my past as a great tragedy. and when i crumble, remember, i am sorry