Why is it that we can continue
To look forward
When we can't even see what
Tomorrow looks like or
Who we will be with tomorrow
Or
Whether we lose everything
Tomorrow

I can't find myself putting in the strength
For that tomorrow
Let alone developing a me that'll
Find what I've always needed,
When I never found that my whole life...

What's the use of a tomorrow
If it doesn't equate to anything better
Than today...

Drunk.
On the thoughts occupying my mind,
Drunk.
On the preoccupations playing in front of my eyes,
Drunk.

Floating in my drunkenness...
My only wish
Does not exist.
Because,
Floating in the drunkenness of my pain has
Taken my awareness away.
Drunk.

Goodbye
Goodbye,
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Goodbye       ...
Or so I thought I could say
Shout and scream
At your back
That stands closeby...
But it's so close
I could reach out
And touch your shoulder;
I could turn you around...
'Goodbye'
A word that is used a time too many
Too many to really signify
An end.
But in the time it takes
My tone to reach it-
Til then-
Goodbye

These tracks playing in the back of my mind
Overlapping
Seeping
Diffusing
Into every sound,
Colour,
Movement...
Infusing into my veins,
Pulse,
Eyes
Gripping my heart
As the surrounding muscle contracts
And takes over

Pumps
Loosening my body
Muscles stiffen,
Peripheral vision darkened
Pump pump
Throat clump
I missed my chance
I missed my chance
Neck outstretched
Eye lids embracing my eyes
You're losing focus
And this distance,
Lack of reassurance,
Eats me up

And so I hide away

Eroding,
My heart is eroding inside
Whether it be you
Or me
Or a culmination of
The hidden thoughts inside
I don't want this
And yet I can't seem to get myself
To move from the scraping
Gushing feelings inside
I don't see a future
And I don't want there to be
A future inside
I just want it all to end
I don't get it...
Outside or inside,
My heart never finds
A place it wishes to reside.

As my body lays frozen over
By the ice that continually cools me,
I gently float, soundlessly in the
Tower surrounded by icy waves.

The landscape that I always look out to
Is unchanging and lifeless,
Sounds in the distance seldom
Resounding around my heart motionless.

I kick at stagnant air,
Almost as if something was there,
The tunes playing in my head
Enough for my heart and mind to share.

As my frozen body moves,
I continue to gaze out towards the landscape.
Not because the landscape is motionless,
But now, because my heart and mind
Have melded into the tunes
Playing in my head.

Not even a chance to say the basic
Goodbye
Stopped me mid-sentence before I could ask
Why
Raised your barriers and pushed me away, unable to
Vie
Called you a million times and now my eyes are
Dry
If this was to be the outcome, that first time we met, I wouldn't have said
Hi

Or so I say,
When I have a feeling why you would lie
Pulling off a stunt to raise the barriers high
But these barriers aren't around me
They're around you
So please, don't make these barriers your way of saying
Goodbye.