i started sleeping when i met you

I reached out and held your hand.
"Mom...I'm pregnant"
I felt your grip loosen,
and I was afraid to meet your eyes,
wide with shock, with tears glistened.

You stood across from me,
arms folded, ready for my big news.
"Dad...I'm pregnant"
Your gaze fell and you wouldn't speak.
We both knew it was too soon.

"Congratulations, Miss McNabb.
You're pregnant!"
I know it's true and yet it seems so unreal.
Baby Lost...
...And Baby Reborn.
I don't know how to feel.
Excited of course,
the obvious choice.
But also scared, and maybe paranoid.
My little Oliver Sparrow never made it
out of the womb-
taken too soon.
I tried to forget the pain
but pain is much too real to be waived.

There is a baby inside of me.
I have seen it on the black and white screen.
I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled,
when I saw its little hiccups and kicks,
the way it seemed to dance inside.
I believe in my baby, I can't resist.
My baby is strong, that much I know,
just from seeing its dance-
almost like a restlessness to be free.
My baby is loved-
more loved than I could ever hope to be,
and yet I wish I had more, more, more love to give.

My baby is here, and real,
and so is my desire to be the best mommy.

Baby Lost...
...And Baby Reborn

You know;
the feeling when you know that everything's over
but still, it isn't..

And you know it isn't
but you keep reminding yourself that it is
so that you won't look so pathetic
But at the end of the day, still, it isn't..

At least for you, it isn't..

And you know,
Those random nights when you can't sleep,
And in your mind,
its like a movie of
happy and sad and angry moments of your life,
When it's suddenly hits you hard..

Just like;
why such happy moments
make you a saddest girl in the world right now?

And it just hurts,
Because you know,
You know, deeply in your heart..
It isn't over

Sometimes I imagine,
I'm the man on the moon.
Brought to this existence,
Entirely to soon.

Without choice was I,
Cast into this role,
While being forced to watch,
All the beauty and wonder below.

To watch the youth,
Rumble and tumble,
Grow fair and strong,
See their joy and their trouble.

Unable to lend hand,
Or participate,
Simply from afar,
All this I must take.

To see a love flourish,
And the agony of loss,
I'd give all of my mass,
To be a part of their flock.

As the ultimate outsider,
No chance to be held...

As the ultimate outsider,
In the distance I dwell...

Let me explain
I think I'm okay
No I'm not fine
But that's not the same
When I feel like ****
From icing that hit
I take a deep breathe
I know I'll make it
Victorious name
I will beat his game
Im stronger than this
It's only some pain
In just a few year
I can up and leave here
After which time
My future's unclear

But that's okay
I will find a way