I ******* up...again
I always ***** up.
I can never do anything the way i want to
I am so angry at myself.

I hate these thoughts
I want to love myself
But i can't help but hate myself

These demons are always haunting my mind
I try to have good thoughts; positive thoughts
But like the pessimist i am, i think about the bad

Like a trick candle
when i think i have snuffed the demons out,
When i am starting to love myself again
They come back whispering unwanted thoughts
And then i spiral
And i think about all the faces that pity me

I am being too ******* myself, I know
And yet despite this
I still feel the lonely ache
As i wonder why success is always in front of me
But out of reach
Like a forbidden fruit I can never have.

Hold fast to forgetting, so I did but I
could still hear the music of my heart's strainings.
Listening for the note that would say
it's divine where you're heading.
Understand me now, hold fast to forgetting.

And now my heart 

Is breaking once again,

For the one who was my love,

The boy that was my best friend.

I bared to you my soul,

Let you glimpse the shadows 

That dwell beneath my eyes.

I threw to you every ounce 

Of love I’d ever known, 

Hoping to show you the man 

That I saw in you;

Hoping my love could ease the ache.

I didn’t want to fix you, no. 

I just wanted to help you believe 

That you never needed any fixing.

I saw you. 

And I wanted you to see me. 

And perhaps for a moment in time,

I believed you did.
I believed we had the world.

I believed we were each other’s future.

It was never my intention 

To overwhelm 

Or overcrowd

Or overthink

And when I stretched out 

My hand to you, 

You silently withdrew.

You crawled back into yourself
Back into your shadows 

The shadows so much 

Like my own.

I know those shadows so well
And darling,
I’m scared for you

I’m scared the shadows 

Will take you from me
I’m scared they already have.

So now my heart is breaking 

Painfully slow, 

But it’s all happening too fast.

You made me believe

In beauty 

In miracles 

In myself.

So maybe my love is selfish 

Maybe it was never meant to be 
Perhaps the hope was always folly 

And maybe you never needed me 

As much as I needed you.

I’m scared of the shadows. 

I’m scared of what they’ll do to you,

Scared of what they’ve already done.
Don’t let them extinguish your light, 

My love. 

Don’t let them take that.

My heart is breaking 

Because you can’t tell me 

That you still want me.


I won’t hold you captive
If you tell me you don't want this.

But promise me you’ll shine 

Shine so bright that you scare that

Which has caused so much fear 

In those like yourself and I.
Shine so bright the shadows run away 

Shine with your smile, 

And with your kind eyes. 

Shine with compliments 

And with an open mind.
Shine by letting them know

That you are not afraid anymore.

I’d like to hold your hand while you shine.

But if you’d rather say goodbye, 

Let us part friends. 

No tears and no lies. 

But with hopeful expressions, 

And happy memories.

We called it love, 

And I’d like to think

That’s what it’s been.
You bared to me your soul,

You showed me 

Your shadows.

And now my heart 

Is breaking once again, 

For the one who was my love,

The boy that was my best friend.

I should have known better than to befriend.
Your trickery is now failing, my dear.
Now, I promise, I try not to offend.

My heart is not, never was, yours to bend
In my nightmares, not dreams, you now appear
I should have known better than to befriend

I know one day you’ll come to your grim end
Lovely face, ruined by your constant sneer…
Now I promise, I try not to offend

Mistakenly trusting until the end,
And look at my price, all of these tears
I should have known better than to befriend

Your character, I’ll never recommend
Your ignorance not lessened by the years
Now I promise, I’ve tried not to offend

Why so trying for you to comprehend?
A bitter enemy, I’m one to fear.
I should have known better than to befriend
And I promise, I lied ‘not to offend.’

SOME may have blamed you that you took away
The verses that could move them on the day
When, the ears being deafened, the sight of the eyes blind
With lightning, you went from me, and I could find
Nothing to make a song about but kings,
Helmets, and swords, and half-forgotten things
That were like memories of you -- but now
We'll out, for the world lives as long ago;
And while we're in our laughing, weeping fit,
Hurl helmets, crowns, and swords into the pit.
But, dear, cling close to me; since you were gone,
My barren thoughts have chilled me to the bone.