I will lead you on
Without even realizing it
And by then
It will be too late
To do anything

I eat until my chest hurts
ignoring the fact my acidic heart  
wills, calls, shouts for me to stop (hurting)
myself

For I know once the sweet oozing gold runs down my throat and
calms the feelings of an anxiety disorder,
it will quickly strike to a halt
and evaporates as quickly as it came
turning gold to rust;
and comfort pain.


It leaves me more bruised, battered and empty
(this is high class gluttony)

than when I cut my fingers from unwrapping the packaging.

yet

the void remains unfilled
and I'm no longer happy

©Rebekah Lazarus 2014

I've let too many people in
into a place where very few know of
the depths of my heart
only for it to be poisoned

My body is the canvas
My depression is the artist
The razor is the brush;
Think what you say carefully
Before its covered in blood

The cracks in the
bathroom floor
know me
so well

Night after night
my tears that run
from my cheek
to their edges

Fuel their idealistic lives

Feelings
Emotions
Lingering still

Taunting
Teasing
Making life hell

Cutting
Bleeding
Another scar for the count

Thinking
Contemplating
Thoughts of death

Waiting
Wanting
When is the end?

Breathing
Sinking
As the water rises

Drowning
Ending
It's finally all over

Then, I return to reality
To find my self searching...
The possibilities.