she's searching for god
in all the wrong ways
kissing men and bottles
turning her home into a brothel
staying up till dawn
chanting his name instead of
god's
she's looking for redemption
and a way to let go
she's looking for god to forgive her
but instead she begs for you
to touch her and love her
and make her feel complete
she wants a godly love
you can't compete
she's looking for god
in all the wrong places
in broken homes and
raging fires she's
looking for god in the
ugliness and the daze
something to **** the haze
she's looking to start over
to get rid of the guilt and fear
but she'll run as fast as she can
whenever god comes near
she doesn't realize it but
it's not men or god she needs
it's forgiving herself
which is something so high up on the shelf
she just can't reach

tell them how you never really had
a relationship with God
he was just somewhere in the
clouds and never in your
thoughts
tell them how you never
really cared to pray
how you'd go through your life
night turning into day
but then she walked in
tell them she walked in
like an angel or a scribe
like someone with light
a savior in disguise
tell them how she gave you
a lot many gifts
tell them how your favorite
was how she gave you faith
she taught you to pray
and to always say
God's name
(but never in vain)
and you often
kissed the words right out
of her mouth
it was holy
in dimensions you couldn't explain
she taught you scripture
wrote you songs
gave you a voice to
talk to God
and you used that voice
every single day
thanking Him for
the blessing he gave
and she was a blessing
oh God she was
like magic and wonder
from above
so pure and innocent
wise and content
her playful smile
and her strength

but she came
and she left
and then there was pain
she brought you the sunshine
then left you with rain
now you're standing here
with faith in your hands
asking God why He let her
leave like that
she gave you a relationship
with something Supreme
but her departure from your life
is a never-ending scream
you don't know if you should
banish God or love
you don't know if you should
pray to the one above
if she was an angel
why does this feel like hell
if she was your savior
why didn't she treat you well
i mean, maybe she did
when you were together
but now that she's gone
your sanity is like a feather
it's twisting and floating
a little beyond the skies
loving her
might not have been wise
she was the connection
between you and heaven
she was the faith
reverting you from being a heathen
what good is faith
with a broken heart
tell them she baptized you
but you don't know where to start
"God,"
you ask him
"is that what angels are?
here for a moment;
then forever in the stars"
your long nights
have just begun
is this the angel's way
of having fun?
too pure too innocent
too kind too good
perhaps this whole thing
was misunderstood
or perhaps this
was the plan all along
you know what they say
*only broken hearts find God

Broken shards of pottery falling down a chasm.

Forgive my lack of segue,
I think I'm having a brain spasm.

Ceramic rain on a day like this,
and now I'm missing my umbrella.

The funky fact remains that I'm still one fragile kind of fella.

Please no more cheddar,
I feel bloated and old.

Scarfing down mozzarella with a sick stomach groan.

You're trapped in the restaurant
missing your home,
while I eat grilled cheese and soup all alone.

the morning after
I turned the shower on
as hot as it would go
I threw my shampoo bottle
across the tub because
it still wasn't hot enough
to burn you out of me

on this rumbling
              stretch of tundra
                  no trees reach up
                     to soothe the sky
                     there is a pulling down
                  of wind tunnel vortex
               like conifers in reverse
          an icy howl
in the bonechill
               of time
Translucent holes,
         perfectly round, are dug
                in glacial archeology
                  and in the sea below
               gelid creatures lurk,
           half-frozen
         in the history of my
                                        soul
Only moss and lichens
grow on the rock,
somehow softening the
rugged textures
of the wild landscapes
that seethe
          just beneath my skin
and there, just
shy of the surface
is a quickening
a subtle pulse of veins
that pumps life
between the gales of
my heart's steppes
flushing out
           the pain
somewhere
deep
      within the private lotus
of my being
folioles unfurl
leafy shapes around
my organs
wrapping them like gifts
          as they undulate in whorls
opening my petals
in renewed consciousness
and deliberation
as a new kind of  
           stamen
                rises
    dusty pollen
powdery
budding ripeness
       bursting up
       and out
   of my deepest
       centered
whirlpool pistil
nectar dripping
in viscous webs,
to be caught upon
the tongue of
a new dawning
My silky outer
wings of vegetation,
slender stalks of
          filaments and anther
have been turned
into hot steel
They protect
    the tender vulnerable
                   when burned
as poison words held up to my
watchful eyes,
                   are properly discerned
I give myself over
to this new power,
my back arched to fully embrace
what is to come,
a universe calling thunder,
the old patterns undone
I am ready
to reveal my all
as the goddess deep within
comes to release my gold
suffusing light through skin
conjured from me
a relentless strength,
ever-growing,
                now tenfold
rising way past
soft-lit stratospheres
and orbiting
               to
                 bold