Do you even love me?

You walked away with half of me

Half my breath
It is still beyond me how I breath without you

Half my smile
Left me with this crooked smile

Half my soul
Left me with this hollow hole

My whole heart
How will I love another

You hurt me
But like they say "better the devil you know"

Come back to me
Come back
Love me right just this last time
Let us give this love one last try

How does my heart beat for the same man that broke it
you bruised me so badly that I can't seem to imagine being anything without you
I miss you
come back one more time and pretend you love me
I am addicted to the pain YOU made me feel for 5 whole years
Come.back
I need my annual dose of pain.

When you left I asked God to take my life, because I had lived mine for so long for you

He told me I would be fine

But how could I possibly carry on in this crazy world with half a heart and the half that I have beating and longing for the day you will come
back
knocking

I am a fool
your fool
how
am
I
still
BREATHING
without you here

GOD please.... I plea one.last.time
I don't want to have to take my own life.

It is beyond me how I am still breaking over losing a heart that was never mine to begin with.

A lover that tells me I am gorgeous, but posts not a single picture of my face
A lover that looks at me with eyes of lust and not of love
A lover that barely sees a future with me
A lover I treat like I'd love to be treated
A lover that I believe I am ready to tell I love
A lover that I sometimes feel does not care, but like a blind man I sit there and pretend I don't see the resentment

You tell me the higher you go up my thigh, the warmer it gets
That's because you are reaching closer and closer to home
Your resting place
And when you eventually enter, our souls will become one.

I drown my sorrows in this bottle of red wine
But I think drowning my body in a bathtub full of my own blood would hurt less

He is the one
He just wasn't mine
I realise that now, when I watch him treat her right.

What if that's how he had to end his life
Shot to the head
Pills Down his throat

What if no matter how different his life might have played out
He would have jumped off that building
No matter how good he had it
He would have jumped infront of that train

What if that's how the book of his life was written
What if suicide.Was.his.destiny.

She is a work of art
The epitome of beauty
Covered in her African butter
She wears a crown handcrafted by God
When her foot touches the ground even the devil bows down
She was happy with her perfect imperfections
Till you came along and made her feel like absolute trash
Playing mind games, you're really good at that
Threatened by her crown, you told her to take it off
"Straighten that Bush over your head"
Told her that her berry was not sweet enough
" Bleach your skin, light is the new beautiful "

When you were out with your peasant till 2am
She started reconnecting with the God within her
And He restored her confidence

When you least expected it, she packed her bags
Put her crown back on and went back to owning her throne
You and your cheap peasant didn't even last after her
You can't enjoy your side dish without your main meal

Now tell me....
How on earth do you even sleep at night?

The African sun.
So it's December
Summer in Africa
30cm away, that's how close the sun feels to the earth's surface
Naturally I have a short skirt on
And the worst thing I could have done is walk out the house
Because, you know
"I'm asking for it"
I walk past a few men
Who look at me like some meal
One walks towards me
Pretty young
He's basically ******* me with his eyes
As he goes behind me
Opportunity strikes!
HE SLAPS MY ****
Why?
Because I asked for it
Disgusted!
I turn
Slap to the face
Because he too!
Asked for it

The good
The bad
And Me, The ugly
I'm not the first nor the last to be bullied
Ugly
For years I let that stick in my head
Doubted myself
Pills! I tried to end this life
But I'm growing
I like her
I like the girl in the mirror
I like her long face
Her brown eyes
Her dark, small lips
The scar on her thigh
Her tiny waist
Her coffee skin
Ugly?!
What is that?
Oh yah I know, the world
The world is ugly
But she
She
Is
B
E
A
U
T
I
F
U
L

Run, they said to me
I have always been told that life is like a race and in my young mind I believed it was a race against everyone around me, but as I grow up and mature slowly into the person I am meant to be, I realise the only person I am running against is myself and the one person really routing for me to win is my heavenly father ( God ).
I also think we run in different places, because we face different challenges and we are given different blessings or should I say gifts. Some may run  on a track field and others may run on a road full of potholes, but I would like to believe I run around the netball court and I have reasons for that, first being the fact that I set goals and when I reach them I set more, I guess you could say I don't believe in finish lines... there's always place for improvement and secondly I believe in life after death and after this life of flesh I believe I'll be an angel in heaven that just keeps on running.

Run, I say to myself
RUN!

my previous relationship... full of darkness but I sat still and held on to the light behind me that I could barely see, I lost myself slowly and got consumed by your sweet words (lies), my face faded and the light from behind me was shining on your face making you look godly, perfect, kinda like the art you make, beautiful, you're talented and even though you broke my heart I still can't help but compliment you.
Everything was perfect till you mentioned her name and spoke about her like a sweet lalaby and continued to lie, saying deceiving things "I don't like her" "she's just a friend"...
she came along like Becky just without the good hair, she was beautiful though, "was" because she's dead to me.
The picture I saw of you with her broke my heart and that's  when I decided to turn my face towards the light and walk away from you, turning my back towards you. You used to be so godly and now I see you like I see Judas

Defeated!