Deciding to halt my steps
Give my past a chance to catch up
She pats my back
A cold self loathing greet
Swallowing up my pride
Beating down the shame that crawls up my knees
It takes every ounce of strength
To mutter up enough courage for my eyes to turn
Face my reflections
And acknowledge the person I once was
There she stands
shoulders slumped and a smile so pitiful
In her eyes mirrors all my mistakes
painted in permanent colours
How I wish to befriend her
Thank her for the lessons
and kiss every one of her inglorious scars
For allowing me to become what I've became
Returning her the same smile
Doubt feels like acid in my throat
We have yet to meet the face of our future
Will she be disappointed?
But taking comfort of the present fact
However humiliating my past turns out to be
I will never wish to change anything of what she is and for what she was
For she and I, both aspire to be a one simple but 'good enough' thing
And the me of the Past shapes the future I've fought to attain
Before
and Still
I just scribbled this up right at this moment, so I apologise if my poet-grammar is a bit tedious. For some reason, I'm feeling somewhat 'lightweight' and there's just this unclear vibe of letting go... and I'm just gonna embrace that without giving much question. I'm really exhausted with all the negative energy I've been giving off for the past days, weeks, months...years maybe.. ***! Some people call it a case of "bipolarity"..?? Idk but I prefer a big cup of self-control in my life so... f*ck bipolarity!! Hehe ...and no I'm not high, I am not on drugs